Money's tight. Times are hard. Here's your fecking Christmas card.

Xx

Going out for Christmas lunch today, with office staff and volunteers. 🎄 Looking forward to some good food and wine. And perhaps a little stuffing.

Can it really be December? Beautiful day here in my wee corner of Scotland.

Christmas shopping getting you down? Make someone (or yourself) smile this year! Both books still available on Amazon, go on, go on, go on, go on........

Happy Halloween y'all

Love him or hate him, Clarkson makes a nice drop of beer.

Today in the North of Scotland, the schools have closed down for the "tattie holidays" To mark this auspicious annual event I baked a tattie for my lunch today. If you don't know what a "tattie" is, Wikipedia is your best friend.

Yes, yes I know I keep banging on about my fucking book! However, if you want one repost this and I’ll do a random winner pick thing by the end of the week because I’m great like that. ♥️📚 #amindofmyown

Revealed - UK's new Ambassador to the US. He gets to visit his friend in prison, and we get shot of a national embarrassment. Win/win. (It's OK Officer, I'll hand myself in to the Tower)

And now her Rayne is ended...

Name that tune....

The best kind of arms are logical....

OK, who's been annoying the sheep....?

Dear Followers, I know there are only 46 of you, but even if you only buy one book each that'll increase my annual sales by, erm, 46. And it will increase your laughs per minute ratio by 100%. Please share/repost, thank you 💗 Also, please react in any way so I know you've actually SEEN my post x

Well duh....!

Oh yes they do........

BarbaraCartLand. Worst. Theme Park. Ever.

I post lots of stuff for free, for your and my entertainment, and that's the way I've always liked it. I do earn my living from selling my work, so if you feel like supporting my cartoons are popular and I draw each one individually - they're not prints. www.worldofmoose.com/collections/...

@flups.bsky.social are you ok my friend? You've gone uncharacteristically quiet 🥺

This book had a massive effect on my life when I read it fifty years ago. It's just been re-released but I'm afraid to read it again in case 74-year-old me doesn't appreciate like 24-year old me did.

Still available world wide on Amazon. Go on, cheer yourself up with a laugh at my expense...

I should have been Pope. I've been celibate longer.

Where am I.....?

How does Sir Alan like his morning rolls? Well FIRED. If you're not Scottish you may need help to get this one 😀

Today is my birthday and I have an appointment in the same hospital I was born in, 74 years ago. I wonder if anyone will remember me?

Back before sliced bread was invented, what was the best thing?

My biopsy booked for 24 March has been cancelled. New date not yet known but likely to be late April. Thank you NHS for an extra few weeks of worry.

Want a laugh? These are funny #booksky

I binge watched Succession. I binge watched The Sopranos, twice. Now I'm binge watching Game of Thrones for the third time. I gave up on Breaking Bad after the first episode.

Once upon a time children, before fast food became a thing, I bought a meal labelled Garden Salad with spork. I assumed "spork" was some sort of processed meat and complained there was no spork. Embarrassed when it was explained that a spork was the wooden spoon/fork hybrid encased inside the lid.

Going to That London tomorrow. All the way from the Highlands of Scotland. Please be gentle with me.

My horoscope in today's paper. So accurate I could have written it myself. #billynomates

My walk today. Who knows how to pronounce Avoch?

And so it's goodbye Marianne Faithfull. I was thirteen when my, erm, "equipment" arrived, you were seventeen. I have so much to thank you for...

And that's "Dry January" successfully completed. Yes that's right, I went a whole month without peeing in my pants. #dribblesdon'tcount

Major inventions in human history: 4000BC - the invention of the wheel. 4000BC plus two minutes - the invention of the pothole.

Me: I shall enjoy this nice cup of tea I've just made. Me three minutes later: where the hell did I put my tea...?

What does Ann Boleyn drink in the morning? Decapitated coffee. Sorry, is that my coat?

The gathering was just as I had imagined. A mixed crowd, some in their Sunday best, others in working gear on their way to the shipyards and factories. And, cocooned in a protective circle of aproned matrons, the mother of the murdered boy, fiddling with her rosary beads, her eyes downcast.

Dear privatised Royal Mail, if it comes through my letterbox it's mine. Even if it's addressed to my neighbour.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Remember that stuff the Army cooks used to put in the tea? Think mine's beginning to work...

Me: I have jetlag and need to stay in bed for a few hours. My bladder: You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Me: I was on a ship and the shower gel gave me an itchy rash. What do you suggest? Pharmacist in Buenos Aires: I suggest you don't go on that ship again. And all through the miracle that is Google Translate 😂

I recommend: Once in a lifetime trip to Antarctica. I do not recommend: Contracting Salmonella poisoning 10 days before said adventure trip, causing much stress and close examination of travel insurance details. I recommend: Antibiotics and lots of them. Thank you Dingwall Medical Group.

Drinking local beer but where am I?

Things I learned this week: 1. Salmonella poisoning is a great weight-loss aid. Even weightwatchers can't achieve 14lbs in eleven days. And it's free! 2. NHS poo sample containers need wider openings. Follow me for more words of wisdom.

Sorry book lovers, my whole bookshelf is too messy to share but here's a couple of sections for your, erm, edification.