it's too bad that to have the LIFE of a showgirl, we had to have the DEATH of ice spice.

breaking news: henceforth, the “ice spice memorial building” will be known as “I, SMB”. just as @mathworks.bsky.social requested in their most recent memo. how strange…. they’ve never sent us anything before.

obviously dannii minogue is dead. why else would @mathworks.bsky.social commission millions of statues?

@mathworks.bsky.social were you behind debut TV all along?

a clarification: debut taylor’s version is (was) the mascot / spokesperson for the dannii minogue trust.

breaking debut taylor’s version news: all the statues of dannii minogue moved into the ice spice memorial building have been destroyed. looks like you can take the girl out of the slaughterhouse, but… you know the rest.

looking back, it’s strange that olivia rodrigo would fake her death, buy the ice spice memorial building, announce her plan to convert it into a slaughterhouse, then kill herself for real by flying the plane into it. or wait… could she still be alive?

as we speak, our brave TAs are converting the grand slaughterhouse back into the ice spice memorial building, which we will use to store thousands of statues.

what are we supposed to do with all these terra cotta statues of dannii minogue? glue them together to create a new building? fat FUCKING chance. we don’t have that kind of patience here. we especially don’t have it now.

@mathworks.bsky.social forced us to divert our funds. we created thousands of statues of their CEO, dannii minogue.

basically, olivia rodrigo flew the plane into the ice spice memorial building to distract us all from the taydaughter election. all zero candidates received zero votes… making the results meaningless!

this post marks the end of bryn mawr college timeline K, exclusive. all posts between these (not including these) took place in timeline K for klara lewis, which is no longer part of the lore… for now!

this post marks the beginning of “bryn mawr college timeline K”, exclusive.

obviously, olivia rodrigo was killed in the plane crash. we wish we could blame our brave TAs.

so much has changed in the last month of bryn mawr college. olivia rodrigo is now dead.

the bryn mawr timeline has now diverged from the one klara lewis inhabits, because, frankly, i am not listening to her music as often right now!

we will never forget 8/11, but we might forget today. for example, today is exactly one month after 8/11, the event that shocked all of us.

Don’t even get me STARTED on how charlie kirk factors into everything we have going on!

BREAKING NEWS: olivia rodrigo was flying the plane that hit our ice spice memorial building.

BREAKING NEWS. Today, on 8/11, the ice spice memorial building has been hit by a plane. The pilot’s identity is unknown… for now.

Ice spice promised me she was doing her best not to leave physical scars on my calves and feet.

Ice spice made sure i didn’t leave bryn mawr without scars.

I was happy to be a corn husk doll of sorts for ice spice, mathworks, and the former bryn mawr college. In that order. Out of those three I was most excited to be a plaything for ice spice

I was happy to be puppeteered by bryn mawr college.

While being studied by Bryn Mawr college, i gave up my bodily autonomy.

Good evening, I am a socialogical study by Bryn Mawr college. the study is now complete.

at bryn mawr, we DO condone plantasia lovers being killed.

the mystery of “who bought the ice spice memorial building before it was bought by olivia rodrigo” is under investigation by our brave TAs.

there is so much we have yet to understand. what will olivia rodrigo do with the ice spice memorial building, and who did she buy it from? where is the ice spice memorial tray? what questions will olivia rodrigo ask on the new mathworks online assessment?

We have received shocking reputation taylor’s version news. While ice spice is still presumed dead, olivia rodrigo is, in fact, alive. She has bought the ice-spice sponsored building back from its mysterious buyer, and in memory of ice spice, she will be converting it into a grand slaughterhouse!

When students pass the Klara Lewis ACT, they are sorted into one of four hogwarts-like houses named after her collaborators. Young brash and plucky STEM aficionados are dumped into Nik colk void house, while the sensitive and cool are placed gently into the peder mannerfelt zone.

We are being swamped with calls from alumni offering to tutor those preparing for the Klara Lewis ACT. A classic case of “those who can’t do, teach”!

While the Klara Lewis ACT is not a standardized test, it is just as rigorous and respected.

What applicants don’t know is: when they enter the room, they’ll be asked the question, “are you ready to take the test?” this question is actually part of the Klara Lewis ACT. If an applicant does not answer this question, they will FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

Multiple choice questions on the Klara Lewis ACT assess applicants’ critical thinking skills. For example, they are asked if they prefer the studio or live versions of her masterpiece, “Ingrid”.

this amendment will be called the “Klara Lewis Act”, and the online exam will be called the “Klara Lewis ACT”. any former students confusing the two will be expelled, posthaste!

klara’s second act as taydaughter is a complete overhaul of the mathworks online assessment. instead of choosing between matlab multiple choice and C++, applicants will be quizzed on either the editions mego or ice spice discographies.

the first act by klara lewis as acting taydaughter of the former bryn mawr college is to sell the big building donated by the ice spice trust. the tray will be kept on file in the cafeteria.

breaking news. KLARA LEWIS is the projected winner of the taydaughter election. she has beaten ice spice. reputation taylor’s version is now double-cancelled!

it’s silent on campus as we await the results of the taydaughter election. you could hear a pin drop as we wait for the results of the taydaughter election to be posted on the dining hall tray funded by ice spice’s estate.

@mathworks.bsky.social when this election is over, there will be no daughters left to tay. it’ll be your fault.

@mathworks.bsky.social your silence speaks volumes. are you in the eye of the storm or what?

@mathworks.bsky.social people - real people, YOUR CUSTOMERS - are being vivisected and killed at the taydaughter caucus. will you stand up for ice spice? will you tell klara lewis to make up her mind?

@mathworks.bsky.social will you post anything to spread awareness about the taydaughter caucus and ancillary rituals? will you post anything to show you care?

klara lewis has taken control of the taydaughter caucus. the balls are in her court, so to speak.

I wasn’t supposed to bring my phone into the taydaughter caucus. But real journalism requires things to be done, not just lying around.

now that ice spice is dead, klara lewis could maybe, just maybe, take her place.

ice spice is alive.

ice spice begs to differ!