Sometimes I'll see a meme or video and think "Man, my cat would find this hilarious"

Steven universe enemy: Imperialistic lesbian robots Steven universe future enemy: :-(

Do you think if i offered a snake a straw, it would be offended?

It's a good day when i find out I'm in less debt than i thought i was

No app can hinder me with a word count!!!

The laundry looks at me. I try not to look back, but we both know who's right.

Lemon is the best fruit.

Reading comments on a post and someone was leaving a negative. Someone else replied "yo, scrolling is free" The original commenter replied "So is hating" ... doesn't havent to be a dick, but ain't wrong

I would like a nap. But I'd like it to feel like a decade long coma. But in a cosy way

I'll have a virgin dirty martini please. *the barkeep proceeds to fill the olive jar with ice, i am the scum of the earth*

So the premise for so many podcasts is "What if blank was spooky!!" Im totally gonna be different! (I say, lying)

Chasing the illusive joy I felt upon hearing Mambo no. 5 for the first time.

I post on tiktok that me n my partnet are starting to write a spooky podcast. Expected maybe like 2 likes and a few views. I get so many people stating excitment or offering help?? Major boost in motivation wtf 😭

So there are people doing literally hitler salutes on tiktok and their videos stay up. I called someone a clown in the comments "Removed for violating community guidelines"

Did the egg ever crack with me? Nah, it crumbled in the chefs hand, and the shell fell into the yolk. I didnt end up realising i was a girl or enby, i simply ascended beyond flesh and became a being of energy and smudged eyeliner

Using curling mousse for the first time ever. I desire wiggly.

My desk was covered in black make up after this #gerrykeay closet cosplay

I wore a cool outfit, looked hot, got compliments, and felt good last night. So of COURSE i had to end the night by falling over a fence i absolutely insisted i could vault over "i can do it dont worry!" *proceeds to tumble like an underpaid jester*

When my changes even the slightest, the scissors in the bathroom call to me like the fucking green goblin mask "Why yes... i could cut my hair..."

Life is short, make short dramatic music videos of yourself to #hozier songs

Spoilers for #themagnusarchives Elias bitchass in the flesh

My n*pple is visible for half a second in ticktok. Am i in my slutty era?? (Jk thaf was 2017, i kissed 2 people that year)

Tim, calling martin: hoy bading Jon, turning around: what

I asked Al to write me- Allan: *weeps, as he's asked once again to write a self insert harley quinn fart smut fic*

Its past 5am... i just spent an hour playing sucker for love that I bought with steam credit after selling a damn fake weapon from tf2. What the fuck is life?

Me: what are your pronouns? Clown I have chained up: He- Me: *punching the clown for the eighth time, mid sentence* Me: STOP FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME

I was there during the great Tumblr exodus... And now, as I see tiktok fall, i see droves leave twitter, the masses become disillusioned with meta and its products... Maybe, it is time. TUMBLR, BRING BACK BOOBIES

Jon: Statement begins Boy named Ins: *being begged by boy named Statement* #themagnusarchives

Todays vibe, remembering biz

Okay so i put PRODUCT in my hair, hair oil last night and hair serum today... only way i can describe it, greasy but in a really nice and clean feeling way?? Im still relatively new to long hair and this is a godly new feeling omg

Who even knows babydoll

Statement begins I'm tired, but no nap is enough. If someone could come waterboard me in like chamomile tea or something? That'd be cool.

What keeps you holding onto life? Family? Friends? Obligation? Fear? Today i spent 30 minutes prepping this sandwich, if I'm gonna die, death can wait till ive had every damn bite

So if clock app is being deleted soon, where am i meant to get my free seratonin?? (I'm not american, but still)

Brain: you're gonna die, and the idea of oblivion or eternity both terrify you equally Me: counter point, I'm gonna ignore that with another hour of addicting short form content

Still don't see enough #themagnusarchives stuff here so

I will now simply stop subtly hinting that I want attention. I am now going to commit various crimes and leave cryptic notes. The puzzle will become more complex yet more enticing with each new horrific crime and mysterious note. Eventually...you WILL play video games with me

The stereotype where dads just watch old war films with a cigar and a coffee, Except it's me sipping coffee, watching 5 year old YIAY videos alone on new years eve

So! I'm on a newish app after being on another app after being on another app after being on another app after discovering an app and signing up thinking "WOW! I CAN POST ANYTHING?" All this, on a new app

First post, immediately a reupload of a #themagnusarchives meme I did on the other soon to be dying app