Me every time someone has texted me Joe Burrow rumors today

As someone who had listened to every single word Joe Burrow has ever publicly said I feel like his last presser comments are significantly less ominous than they're being made out to be 🤷🏼🤷🏼

when your music is on shuffle and all the bangers line up one after the other

I find it profoundly weird that some bengals fans are like Joe Burrow isn't publicly upset enough over losing to the bills. They played like shit almost all the games without him and he's supposed to tear out his hair and slit his wrists for making two mistakes??

I'm in a super nice restaurant in sweatpants, a crop top and sneakers. No one has been like nah girlie please leave yet and we just ordered shrimp cocktail and beef wellington 🤞🏻🤞🏻

Me when a man says he's written erotica or poetry for me because if you knew me well enough to do that, you wouldn't

I completely forgot about Spotify wrapped

~20 years from now we're all going to hear a teenager say "I was born in the wrong generation, I'm jealous of everyone who got to live through the 2020s" and I think we should promise each other that when that day comes, we'll try not to throw this person directly into the sun

Eagles fans can somehow open their mouths wider than any other human beings I've ever seen. It's like they evolved this way to shout obscenities and disapproval at their own team further, longer and harder

I am thankful for the technology that allows me to see Joe Burrow run his fingers through his hair

Amazing day of football. Packers played well. The chiefs ate shit, which I absolutely love to see and Joe Burrow was perfect

I kind of burnt the rolls looking at pics of Joe Burrow 🙃🙃

I am forever changed upon seeing Joe Burrows walk in fit today 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

More like CeeDee Turkey bc folks he’s cooking today

Not a man gently and politely asking me if I am ”spectrum-y". idk buddy, I'm something 😭😭😭😭😭

I take this back. I don't want to clean my kitchen. Take me now and reincarnate me into one of Joe Burrows headbands

I'm not saying I 100% want to die now on the condition I'm reborn as one of Joe Burrows headbands but I've definitely thought about it

100 years could go by and I will still tell you that Ja'Marr Chases apology was 100% correct in who he named he was sorry to and who he did not mention

Crying softly to myself because Joe Burrow looked very pretty in both of his cozy sideline fits today

The Bengals played well, can't be too mad about that. And it was a very good game

The Bengals are actually playing well today and Gesicki being back brings me peace and a sense of hope

Why can't some men just take a nice Julia Sugarbaker style polite rejection anymore? Why do they force you to tell them how annoying and ugly you think they are and have you pulling up a picture of a hot guy on your phone to show them the difference between them and your type??? Hate it

Being like why are all these goddamn people out today???? while also being one of the people out today 🙃🙃🙃

A decision was made. No turkey for thanksgiving this year, only ham. I'm so excited because it frees up oven space

So far today multiple people have demanded to know what plastic surgery I've had 🙃🙃🙃

Finally found the perfect answer for when people ask me what I do for a living...I just say I'm not a career girlie so it literally doesn't matter 😇😇

Yes I wasted 90 seconds of my life making this

The Texans defense….this shit means something to me 🥹

Holding a knife to my own throat and demanding footage of the Bengals practice today that I can zoom in on 🫠🫠🫠🫠

Shaping up to be one of those days where multiple people are going to ask me if I am an albino person I guess 😭😭😭

Joe Burrow should not play again this season. All the etsy witches in the world can't fix the curse on the Bengals heads. It's just nightmare fuel at this point.

The guy who checked my id for mimosas called me a youngin then saw my birth year and was like wow, you must have a lot of joy in your life 😭😭😭😭😭

Holy shit I hate being referred to as cute so fucking much. It's right up there on the 🤢🤢🤢🤢 scale with when a random man who doesn't know you at all calls you a goddess

I'm tweaking so hard off a gallon of subpar matcha and screaming about how much I miss Cam Skattebo and crying because I'm chopping onions and can use that as an excuse to also cry about how much I love Jaxson Dart now

Tumblr said these were adult content 🙄🙄

A rando man is telling me that people lose interest in what I say because of my body and how I look and he's telling this to me like it's new information I'm not aware of and he's doing me a favor by "being honest" 😭😭😭😭😭

When a man who is a doctor is chatting you up and immediately pushes it into the conversation that he's a doctor.... it feels corny and desperate 😬😬

I posted my unsettling expression Olaf mug on snapchat and people are taking screenshots and meme-ing him 😭😭😭

Broncos vs Raiders tnf was the most boring game I've ever seen. It was basically just seeing the ball be thrown out of bounds like 20 times

Looking fat today because of my period but everyone is experiencing some sort of mass delusion and telling me I look good. So okay fine, I'll accept that.