49ers fan by birth, Seahawks fan by the grace of transgenderism

My therapist: So what are your biggest regrets in life? Me: Putting off medically transitioning for years after I realized I was trans. Either that or not taking one final leak in the piss troughs at the last game at the Oakland Coliseum

Between the fact that everyone said we were gonna do great things when we were 16 only to subsequently underperform and the chronic back issues, Luis Robert Jr and I have lots in common

I’m the biggest thisdogllhunt fan in Fayetteville Arkansas they say

Oh my god she mentioned how she wanted to be a baseball player growing up and everyone in the room turned to look at me

Julia Serano explaining the A’s relocation saga to one of my professors before asking me if I knew what BABIP was sounds like the kind of thing that I would have a dream about but I swear to god it just happened

SLIGHTLY YOUNGER TRANS WOMAN — "Is it AGP to say I would fuck my clone?" 1. - "I don't think you should worry about that typology stuff." 2. - [Esprit de Corps - Medium] "I would also fuck my clone." 3. - [Electrochemistry - Heroic] "I would also fuck your clone."

VIOLENTLY IS FOREVER IS THE GREATEST FUCKING TAG TEAM IN THE WORLD

Kim Petras doing the worst Megan Thee Stallion impression you’ve ever heard: I may be a whore but I’m not a cheap fuck, better treat me like royalty cause I’m queen of the tuck Quavo in the background: Tom Brady!

First place is a Cadillac El Dorado. Second place is a set of steak knives. Third place, you’re fired

Someone send me 30 bucks so I can read Whorfism of the third kind

WHOOOOOOO RETWEETED ME???

On and off for the past 12 months I get a melody stuck in my head that I can’t place, think is super interesting, start writing it down, and then I realize it’s just I’m Your Baby Tonight by Whitney Houston. It’s not even a good Whitney song why do I keep thinking of it

I got a fed in my backyard booking some of the best talent in the world

Tried showing a girl the Styles-Daniels-Joe triple threat from Unbreakable and she said “Is there anything you like that isn’t from the 2000s?”

Well, this whole bombing Iran situation makes the fact they’re building a drone factory just down the road from me even more delightful. Golly, I sure do love being adjacent to death and destruction every day of my life

Complimenting a hitter: He’s cool as a cucumber, got a high motor, makes the hard plays look simple, a player’s player Complimenting a pitcher: They named a new type of rabies after him. You’re not supposed to look him in the eyes. He strikes fear into his own mother

I look like I don’t play about Cat Power now

Im the hottest I’ve ever looked

Why didn’t Harry put Professor Quirrell in a gogoplata? Is he fucking stupid?

I have reached a massive milestone in my journey to become the worlds youngest millennial

They made a girl who’s best trait is her charisma and also gave her crippling social anxiety

Reading the Wikipedia page for selective mutism and going “That’s meeeeeeeee!!!”

It is good to remember that whenever the us wins it's not just because they have unlimited money and power, it also helps that every referee says "no it's ok when *they* have 7 guys on the ice" or whatever other rule they want to bend or break

I should’ve played rally broken social scene 😭

FUCK

I need this. The Vancouver hipster shithead that lives within me needs this

QUEUE THE RALLY WOLF PARADE

Now is your time Macklin. Kill the USA and be reincarnated as a lotus flower

When Macklin Celebrini recreates the golden goal for a new generation and is crowned as the new greatest player in the league >>>>>>>>

Kill America Macklin Celebrini. Fix the timeline. Only you can save us

Wish I could be a fly on the wall for the decision to include this dude’s cup of coffee NJPW run and not the 6 years he spent in TNA as one of their most entertaining workers lmao

Can’t tell you how sad it makes me that Max Schumann is no longer with the A’s. 20th round pick who grinded his way to the bigs, that’s the quintessential A’s player. The fact he played ball like I did in high school, and how he celebrated Oakland at the last coliseum game made him close to my heart

Oh good they both dressed like faggots good to know

Being raised evangelical meant I pretty much never interacted with Catholics when I was younger, so I was genuinely stunned when I came to campus and encountered so many people with schmutz on their head for lent. I thought that was as common as carrying a rosary everywhere

Hard to figure out who’s the most trans member of Manic Street Preachers. Richey Edwards wrote about how puberty was a curse and quoted Valerie Solanas, but Nicky Wire dressed like this. Tough to say!

New high score

Nobody ever said nascar drivers were overburdened with intelligence

Getting escorted out of the Tolarian Academy-Strixhaven Mage Tower game for bringing a sign that says “Hey Kenriths, where’s your parents?”

He treats people like rats for the crime of not owning a house

Lizzie update: Still wasting the prime of my life in Fayetteville Arkansas

One of my classes this semester is about optimizing worker behavior and I’m watching film like I’m Jon Gruden “I look at this guy, I see he’s workin, there’s just one problem. He’s doin everything with his right hand, and nothin with his left! Thats wasted time I gotta pay for!”

1 sp3@k f0r 3v3r/b0d/ wh3n 1 s@/ w3 @r3 br1ng1ng 1337 sp3@k b@ck

Ben Gibbard is always saying some shit like “The cashmere of your sweater caught on the belt loop of my jeans, what I would give for an ethereal touch between the seams”

Y’know maybe I do sound like Patrick Bateman sometimes

Dude I just wanna listen to Broken Social Scene all day. Their self titled is so good. I love how much more shoegazy and dreamlike it is while still maintaining the kinetic energy and sound collage feel of You Forgot It In People. This is the best music ever

Transgender by birth; Cascadian by the grace of god

Magic has its hooks in me again. I dreamt I whiffed on my third land drop to cast a board wipe in a win-and-in match to qualify for the pro tour. What a game

(This is a magic the gathering tweet) I must be a furry with troubling kinks the way I keep getting fucked by cubs

It’s a testament to OG Ravnica that 80% of the rares in the block are the most ceaseless dogshit you’ve ever seen and the set is still beloved