My biggest weakness? Probably my crippling insecurity that has me constantly second guessing whether or not people actually like me. That, and women who look like Lisa Loeb

That's why the game is played on the field, to verify that the spreadsheet wars were correct

Ultimately my main goal in life is to evolve into my final form of Maria from Nevada

IT'S '6-7', COOPER. A GENERATION ALPHA TREND. WHAT THEY CALL A 'MAY-MAY'. IT'S AN ORPHANED SIGNIFIER, NO SIGNS ATTACHED. ONE COULD CALL IT DADAIST, BUT SOMME SAY IT'S TOO STUPID TO BE DADA. IT'S ANTI-MEANING, ANTI-HUMOUR, BUT DAMN IF THOSE KIDS DON'T FIND IT A CRACK-UP.

*Ice-T in SVU voice* Word is kids on the street are calling it Lizziecore

Weather got me dressing like trаnny the kid

Antonio Salieri in Amadeus is the most captivating character in fiction history

Fixing a girl’s bike today. Y’know it’s funny that I’m everything my grandpa raised me to be, hardworking, resourceful, handy, and yet to him it’s all undone because I’m a woman now lol

You: "I want you to tell me the most compellingly, tragically weird guy to ever be president of the US." Me, a day later: "Okay. I've narrowed it down to five." You: "All right. I'll make it easier. How about just between 1960 and 1980?" Me, a week later: "Okay. I've narrowed it down to four."

Virginia voters reading Jay Jones' texts:

I submitted my application questionnaire to the mlb team that sent me it and I’ve been bouncing off the walls waiting for a response since. I can feel my brain vibrating in my skull

Dude straight up I’ve been working on that MLB team questionnaire basically non stop today I even skipped lunch and dinner

This is just the average Mets broadcast

I applied for an internship with a baseball team and they sent me a questionnaire to complete as a part of the vetting process, and I’d be done with the questionnaire if I could just figure out how to export my java files 😭 Do you think it’d be acceptable to just send them the html files?

The highest proportion of inequity amongst teams is being driven by intelligence and process. The second highest is ownership *willingness* to spend. You’re down to third place before you hit true structural inequities. And all of this is dwarfed by good old random variance

ALSO, as someone who has endured a literal lifetime of heartbreaking playoff and postseason losses as a fan, it only sucks for a little while. Then, the memories from the season that brought you to this moment take root and never leave. And, then you lose your hair

Seeing blue jays fans say this when they love George Springer is so funny to me

Nice series, but... "The Dodgers winning again will compel MLB to confront its ownership problems & strive for competitive balance..." Just throw that idea in the dumpster. Behind Manfred, 30 co-conspirators like MLB & its profitability just fine as-is & no, this Congress won't come to the rescue.

Three of the 12 most pivotal plays in baseball history by cWPA occurred last night

Here’s what I’ll say. Last night the Dodgers went 1-11 with RISP. It didn’t matter, they still won, because they hit more homers. The dodgers found a way to win without stringing together hits, unlike the jays who went 3-13 with RISP and only had a single homer to their name

I hate gay Halloween what do you mean you’re Femme Durst

Raven 10 minutes before getting pile driven by Tommy Dreamer

aw hell nah, i fucked up and my baseball told me "be not afraid" before taking on a form too beautiful for human eyes to see

Why is men being left on base bad? It’s necessary in order to create dramatic moments. Would Kershaw’s outing have been memorable if it came with the bases empty? Men being left on base is not a result of bad hitting or good pitching, it requires both batters and pitchers be equally matched

We should feed Blake Treinen to Will Klein

Had a dream Kevin Randleman hit me with the ubersuplex if you’re wondering how I’m doing

*Woman whose joints are already falling apart voice* I should get into judo

Chat she’s looking up baseball books to read because she wants to get into the sport more 🥺

Being an early 20s trans woman with decent emotional regulation skills and an appropriate amount of self confidence means I’m actually in the top 1% of mental health for my demographic

There’s this girl I’m partnered with for finals projects in both my computing and operations research classes. Today I pitched her my ideas for the two projects, both baseball related. To which she responded “You really like baseball huh?” Girl you have no idea

Posting through it, always smart. Good to see the Platner campaign has their playbook figured out

The aesthetic of blue jays baseball disgusts me. A groundball with eyes is the most ugly hit in baseball. A hit built off pure luck. If you want to get on base, you better earn it. Draw a walk. Hit a home run. A little dribbler through the hole is borderline offensive to me

I can’t wait for the Dodgers to humiliate the jays so all you people end up whiny and miserable. Let’s go dodgers baby

I’ve been in Baltimore for a day and I’m already anxious about leaving lmao

I might’ve made a mistake becoming an engineer but I have internships to apply for so I can’t worry about that right now

I am so tired but apparently people want to hire me

At what point in a career does it stop feeling like dress up to dress like this?

oSTEM conference time

Got a fucking GREAT view of Carowinds flying into the clit today

You Get What You Give is arguably the best song ever than

The Mariners give me a sense of hope I’ve never felt before

Tyler Soderstrom going from a below average first baseman to a plus left fielder after learning the latter in the middle of the season is one of the most impressive things I’ve seen on the diamond

It’s less embarrassing to admit we let a bunch of tweakers obsessed with the occult take over half the world

Asked to leave the No Kings Protest because I showed up in a 1999 Sacramento Jason Williams jersey.

My deck after my opponent casts painter’s servant

Folks she gave up after the VERY FIRST M’s postseason game

Spent the night mediating a straight T4C breakup between two freshmen who were ROOMMATES! These fucking kids I swear to god. NEVER DATE YOUR ROOMMATE

Girl who’s doing worse than she’s ever been in her life: “Yeah I’ve been listening to a lot of Godspeed You Black Emperor lately”

Alex Garland writing Civil War is so funny when he already wrote 28 Days Later, a much better movie that already tackled the fear of societal collapse. A movie he should redo is Sunshine and fix that awful third act, am I right folks? Am I right? Any Sunshine heads in chat?