Love to troll my friends by empaneling a federal grand jury

@keithellison.bsky.social if we can’t prosecute a hit and run, what can we prosecute?

Couldn’t even enjoy the end of a great game (and a magical Jags season) because fuckin’ Greg Bovino’s Lilliputian ass rolled up to the gas station at the end of my block and kidnapped someone for social media clout

This is why I didn’t want to face Josh Allen in the postseason

A quick look back at Oregon’s last visit to Atlanta

Comforted to know that the fate of the world hinges on the morality of a sexual predator

There’s the Carson Beck I know and love

Hi Angie! This you?

Minneapolis.

Sometimes all you can do is make the world 0.0000000000001% less awful by being a good person and it feels very meaningless but it’s also the only thing that really matters

Whatever you gotta say to move from 5th to 4th in the GOP primary, amirite?

Honestly, just tell the President to use all his oil and tariff money to fund the government

Kirby needs to gas up the jet and bring Todd back from Baltimore

Jake Tapper with the right approach here (rare, I know). You gotta treat Stephen Miller like the sweaty loser that I watched piss himself that one time at Hawk & Dove

Maybe it's the snow outside. Maybe it's Steezy Trev getting squatted at a beach bar. But I really need to be at Lemon Bar right now.

Deeply proud to have worked for this man and appreciative for all of the hard work he's done--and will continue to do--for the people of Minnesota. The job he's done over the past 7 years is huge reason why I moved here, started a family here, and will likely remain here until the Powerball hits.

Elections? Listen, we didn’t kill 40 people and install a puppet just to turn around and hold elections.

If the IOC had any semblance of backbone it’d be banning US athletes from competition in Milan/Cortina.

Watched Allen Iverson specifically request (and subsequently devour) a plate of deep-fried crab legs at the Palm in Atlanta

“I was just so naïve” — A grown woman who still genuinely believes a shadow network of Jews control global media

So this is our first Christmas as parents and my holiday spirit is just through the roof. Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, wherever you’re spending it and whoever you’re spending it with.

Every time he speaks is a reminder of why his dad and stepdad both left him

To be fair, there’s no better place to recruit inadequate losers than a College Republican event

Borrowing the in-laws’ car for the day and, hoooly cow is Detroit sports radio terrible.

cc: @billchilds.bsky.social

I'm a good legal writer precisely because I took poetry. It taught me to be selective in my word use and the art of brevity. Anyone not taking it is doing a disservice to themselves both personally and professionally.

Dude is undoubtedly forking over money for a team of nannies and is, by his own admission, still incapable of putting in even the faintest amount of effort toward raising a child.

ESPN immediately pivoting to “it sucks we have to include G5 schools” is some bullshit and highlights the degree to which they’ve ruined this sport.

Can I bet the under on how many seconds it would take to shove this loser in a locker?

Ahem

Happy Thanksgiving from the Blue Ridge

You can tell he’s never had a genuine male friendship based on his belief that asking your phone to call someone a racial slur is a fun thing to do at parties.

Hey, dipshit:

One of these aged like milk for *gestures*

Utterly confused as to why Penn St/Michigan St got the CBS slot instead of Iowa/USC

Pretty sure J.P. Morgan and Salmon Chase each died over 100 years ago

We still aurora posting?

I‘m taking a couple of days. But be sure to call your senator and let them know how pissed off you are. If you’re a donor, tell ‘em you’re cutting checks for primary challengers if they don’t back a change in leadership.

You just know it’s burning Angie Craig up that she isn’t around to vote in favor of this thing

Called Jon Ossoff’s office and let them know that if I wanted a Senator that consistently snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, I’d be cutting checks to Derek Dooley.

Vaxxed?

Did not know Dr. Oz was back to pushing ashwagandha supplements.

Dear Zohran, Would you like to get lunch with the most annoying people in the Tri-State area? Best, Joe Scarborough

I think it helps Democrats to take their policy cues from listening their constituents and not weirdos that don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Sounds rad

Weird, when I think of the least impressive people in the history of the world, they all wound up having gone to the Heritage Foundation because they couldn't get into a good law school

I feel like I know Louisiana well enough to say that if LSU botches this hire, Republicans are losing every competitive race in that state until there's another national title in the trophy case

Absolutely wild that the father of two non-white kids is openly advocating for segregation

Was not aware the Democratic establishment made him get a Nazi tattoo 20+ years ago

lol that was the worst overtime series I’ve ever seen