Happy MILFs Day! #mothersday

A 24 reboot but Jack Bauer has IBS

I have no idea if I'm supposed to flush or not this is not the toilet for people with anxiety

First date idea: we go to couples therapy and see how long it takes them to figure out we're not a couple.

Good lord what an ugly piece of shit...

Nice try, Plastic Man... #dcu #dccomics

nU tReK iS tOO wOkE

Y'know, for some reason,, the classic #StarTrek episode "The Ultimate Computer" seems really relevant today...

Look, I don't know when it's going to happen, all I know is, every time we wake up, we are one day closer. And I think that's beautiful

It is the greatest irony that Elon Musk is the world's most uncool person while the daughter that he has disowned is perhaps the most effortlessly cool person we have ever seen.

I want the MAGA guy who got his shit rocked by those awesome kids to be doxxed. I don't want his shame to end. I want it to follow him everywhere. I want to always be able to laugh at him because it brings me joy in a dreary world.

I'm watching the new episode of #StarfleetAcademy and the Jerry Goldsmith Klingon theme holy hell this is a good episode!!!

Everybody's talking about #Nuremberg 2.0. I'm sorry, but I'm just not that optimistic that people are going to be held accountable.

Someone just set off some fireworks outside my window and I thought for a moment that it finally happened.

Holy hell #PredatorBadlands was good. And lest my cinematic analytical skills fail me, it was a quite deft commentary on toxic masculinity.

At this point I'm starting to feel like *it* happening is a lot Ike going back to the moon. We keep hearing that it's gonna happen soon, but it NEVER FUCKING DOES!!!!

Imagine if he died at midnight

Live your life in such a way that your therapist would be proud of you

Was anybody really expecting anything other than a severely redacted version of the Epstein Files???

He did such a good job playing Pulp Fiction in... I can't remember the name of the movie right now...

#DonaldTrump would not pass the Turing Test

Anybody else feel like they probably spoiled the best joke in the new #Anaconda movie in the trailers (everybody thinking Jack Black is dead but he's not)?

Sabrina Carpenter is now officially more powerful than this administration. Perhaps the prophecy was true. Perhaps she will save us all.

The biggest problem with the Beastie Boys song "Sabotage" is that it's not long enough.

Fuck yeah he is #luigimangione

Seriously, if I were a billionaire I would just fuck off and enjoy my best life. I'd donate tons to charity but I wouldn't, like, become a person of influence. Why is wealth wasted on the evil?

The only reason #Trump keeps saying he's not expecting to get into heaven is because he knows he's on his way out and he just wants someone to say "aw, no sir, you're *totally* getting into heaven, you're a really great guy!"

My headcanon is, #Trump walked into the room, dismissed everybody else, and said something along the lines of "listen, Johar, or however you say your name. I'm on my way out. I'm a dead man. I'll be cool to you if you just go out there and let me seen as likeable. Please. I'm begging you." #zohar

I got a good grade at therapy today

I'm putting together a team...

When it comes to #Trump facing any kind of accountability for his many crimes, I feel a lot like I feel about returning to the moon. I keep getting told it's about to happen, and then it doesn't. In other words, I'll believe it when I see it.

Can other journalists grow some balls like ##MaryBruce?

"Sir, there's another ship coming in. It's the Enterprise!" #AdamScott #StarTrek

I can't believe Elon Musk gave this to us #EpsteinFiles

Whoever came up with the name "blue raspberry" only threw "raspberry" in there because they thought that "blue" wasn't a flavor. We know better. That flavor is just "blue."

Something that I think is often overlooked about #TheXFiles is that, considering the fact that Mulder's father was a member of the Syndicate, and both his parents died over the course of the series, Mulder is probably a multimillionaire.

Whenever an older democrat decides to step aside (Biden, #NancyPelosi), I gain some new respect for them. They are acknowledging that their time has passed, and it is time for new blood.

Imagine being such a loser that you actually care about what people use #snap for

If we don't have one already, there needs to be a national "Punch a Nazi Day."

What ##DonaldTrump has done and is doing to the #WhiteHouse is simply his way of marking his territory, because he is the most insecure man in existence

The Donald Sutherland scene in JFK has got to be the scariest scene in any non-horror movie.

Are the Democrats finally finding their balls?

Holy fuck this this this this this