I swear to god kitchen pricing is spinning a roulette wheel and taking a stab at it. From £9,500 with appliances, to over £14k without so much as a worktop. Fucking hell.

The more happily you insist on being “taken” the less I’m inclined to believe it.

Thought I was beating a personal best at the gym but I’d put the pin in the wrong weight plate 😭

Imagine if cars equipped with radar cruise-control and blind-spot monitoring could monitor the speeds of other drivers and remind the morons dawdling in the middle to move left/check their mirrors... I should apply for a job with Volvo.

When you open a text to wish a friend happy birthday and realise the last time you spoke was exactly a year ago to wish them a happy birthday last time 😔

Been standing here for five minutes waiting to stop sweating after the shower before I put the shirt on 🥵

For the first time in months I was properly asleep when the alarm went off this morning. One of those wake-ups when it takes 30 seconds to work out what the noise is.

Apt.

"oh my god you're so handsome, how are you single?!?!?" Because I'm a cunt, babes x

I absolutely fucking love this weather, but I do need to iron a shirt or two before work this week and I am NOT looking forward to that.

I’d like to be attractive enough that my Tinder bio could just be a single arrow emoji and that be enough to get worthwhile matches. Imagine. No effort, all the results. /s

Really, Boots? Just for me?

It's gonna be even hotter tomorrow. Fuck yes. I love summer.

Just a boy and his picky bits.

I’m *begging* retailers to make clothes for people who aren’t 6’ tall and 6’ wide. One of these shirts was size XS! 😭

My dad just called me to tell me he’s getting married. You can discern for yourself my level of interest in this by the length of the call…

🌞

Might go back tomorrow for picky bits.

Would madam care to breakfast on the terrace this morning?

Ordered some flooring samples and it’s giving “the blue belts are so different” vibes.

Less cute when she woke me up at 3am today, clawing at the carpet, and then taking a dump next to her litter tray because it wasn't clean enough for madam. So at 3:30am I was cleaning a litter tray 🥱

She moved but I still looked good 😌

Quote from the radio this morning; "We already have price controls on groceries in this country. They're called Aldi and Lidl."

What is it they say? Girl-bossed too hard and now I'm important? Getting the promotion was great, but I miss my work days spent scrolling Tiktok.

This is a cat check point: relinquish your most recent cat picture on your phone.

I bet she is, after her Eurovision defeat...

No, but why is she so cute all the time?! (For those new here, I have shared custody and she usually lives with my ex, but I have her when he’s away)

I should clean that mirror 😬

“Father, I insist you put that camera down!” 😠

She is my personality right now.

I do love a politics quiz. My results: findmypolitics.com?e=19&so=-59&... Main quiz: findmypolitics.com

Good evening

“Wife”?! 😯

Hello Malta 🥵

Girl dinnering 🍽️

Is this too big or do I need to go back and buy it?

Scribbly rather than careful.

lol, it knows I'm using a desktop and some details about my PC hardware, it knows my time zone and language. It made an estimate of my location, but was wrong by around 150km. Am I meant to be scared by this? None of this is shocking information for a webpage to have?

This is the only way I can find to turn off those bloody “Instagram instants” notifications 🚮

Labour don't have a policy issue, they have a PR issue. Governments always u-turn and dilute their plans, any sensible voter knows this. I don't even agree with half their policies, but there's no denying they've made change. The ones I can fit into a single post here:

Say what you want about AI, but I am somewhat blown away it can take my sketch, a few rudimentary instructions, and do this with it.

The good taxpayers of New York have given me a pair of Meta glasses because I am low vision disabled, and I seem to have used them more than a lot of people on here, so let me say a little about my experiences:

Someone needs to teach her that 4am is not an appropriate wake up time.

I received a box of chocolates in the post yesterday as a birthday present and ate 15 of the 18 items inside within an hour. This is why I don’t have visible abs.

Browsing for kitchen inspiration and I just need magazines to feature "the best you can do in your 1980s Barratt Box" more than what Rudolph and Arabella have done in their 15th century thatch cottage.

Unbelievably shit run. Like I had bricks for feet. Considering Saturday’s pace was 5:20/km this was quite a change. No bueno.

I don't know who designed the UI in which the paste-style menu covers the chart-adjustment icon like this, but they deserve to be shot.

There are definitely people who assume I’m 24/7 horny but I genuinely wish my libido were higher. I want to be one of those guys who goes three times a day and hits his chin every time, not three times a week at a push 😭