My arm hasn’t fully healed from the ER trip from hell and I get labs tomorrow 🫠

I kinda feel bad for my neurologist He is the last to know things like to the point where I forgot to tell him I have fibro for like a year or more I literally only speak to him if I have an extended headache/migraines or my daily meds need to be refilled

“The schedule is not open currently we recommend you call back next week” “It is recommended that for your symptoms you go to urgent care or ER” Hey so none of that was helpful

I don’t know who’s job it is to inform me the pharmacy isn’t going to refill a medication I have six refills available for because it’s apparently expired but I would have liked to know that instead of just running out with no notice I can’t get a refill I can’t function without this medication

I hate that I have the kind of itchiness where even if I itch the spot til it’s bleeding it won’t stop I can feel when my allergy meds stop working and I need to take my next dose because I feel like I’m going insane from not being able to itch myself enough without harm

My mom is the strongest solider some days 😭😭 I got something gross on my hand and gagged when I tried to look at it so she had to come and wipe my finger off while I was actively still gagging

I am in the very precarious situation where the first time I opened my safe food it was a different taste and texture so I opened another one and the texture was right but the flavor was still a little wrong So who knows if I’m going to he willing to eat it again in the future 😭😭

We love how easy it is to appease the littles in the system My mom bought us allergy friendly gummies and ice cream and Trader Joe’s and I (a little) am so excited The sour gummies aren’t sour but the crunchys are so good

I’m bored, lonely, and have no clue who I am And that’s how my day went as a newly split alter who is locked out of headspace

I can’t tell if the headache/migraine I’ve had for multiple days now is because of the repeated zofran or the lack of proper nutrition Or both Either way I don’t feel too hot and it’s really getting to me

Sometimes I like to tell myself I don’t need therapy because I often find myself talking myself through situations in a way a therapist would That is why I am in therapy btw. I remove myself from my feelings Instead of feeling them (that and the trauma disorders)

I just realized it’s Friday Why is this a bad thing? I now have to spend two days with my mother and that sounds like hell on earth

My mother needs to learn time and place In the middle of an extreme flare up is not the time to be asking questions I won’t even have the answer to on a good day She also needs to remember things I’ve told her about my conditions so she can stop expecting things I’ll never be able to do

My oral fixation (idk if that’s even the right term but you get my point) is out of hand lately I know it’s cause we are stressed but damn I may actually have to cave and buy chewlery (aka something I’ve been putting off for at least a year)

I thought I was going insane because my tummy trouble were subsiding but no I just wasn’t eating enough to trigger them and my back pain was masking it So yay me when those antibiotics start working. So excited to feel my stomach issues at 100% again 😀😭

“I texted your sister and said [insert bitchy text] and she never replied” Hmm I wonder why she isn’t responding I don’t like the woman. I actually hate her but like it gets to a point where I have to be on her side

One last thing about the ER trip from hell She talked to my mom instead of me for a portion of the first time I saw her If I’m your patient my mother should be invisible to you unless I am in a state where I can not speak for myself It’s horrible infantilizing to sit there and not be spoken to

Something that has been irking me is the ER doctor checked my thyroid when I mentioned gastroparesis cause it can cause some overlapping symptoms and like girl I didn’t come in for care directly regarding that condition. She was so fixated on it and ran with that being the reason for my visit

Telling people to “tough it out” when they’re sick is ableism. Saying that autism is “unacceptable” is eugenics. Bragging about the strong people who don’t take meds or vaccines? It infers that those who need medications are weak. It’s all eugenics. This regime sees disabled people as less than.

I don’t think your arm is supposed to hurt this bad and loose all it’s strength after an IV I can’t straighten it without pain and it’s already bruising 😭😭 That was the ER trip from hell apparently 😭😭

I’m currently in the ER and this doctor is a bitch I wish we hadn’t come. She didn’t let me speak to the point where she couldn’t figure out why I came in cause she interrupted me when I was explaining and then didn’t let me speak again So fuck me I guess

I feel like death and probably need medical attention because being malnourished with two chronic illnesses will do that to you and My dumbass mother asked if I’ve eaten anything other than my one safe food There’s nothing else I can eat without an allergic reaction or gut wrenching stomach pains

Malnutrition sucks ass Or I’m assuming that’s what’s going on and tbh I don’t know if should be in the ER or not Like I probably should go but this is a chronic issue so idk if they would be able to do anything other than fluids if they don’t want to admit me

Sometimes when you feel like your dying your just dehydrated, hungry, nauseous, and short of breath I did all of the things and I feel better (mostly. It’s not a perfect science)

I have a deep hatred for the fact that I am sick enough to need care and medical intervention but not sick for it to be an emergency or to receive care as quickly as needed I should not have to be dying to get doctors to give a fuck. That sounds terrible and not fun at all I’d like to not do that

On today’s episode of funny things we have said to our best friend “If we worshiped a god it would be zofan”

My mom bought a book a guy at her church wrote and I’m unsure how concerned I need to be I read one sentence while looking at it and it’s the type of shit that radicalizes and not in a good way Like it’s full on right wing extremism

If you don’t know how to express your feelings your feelings without it sounding vague threats of violence I don’t wanna hear it I don’t want to know how you want to slap someone because you can’t self regulate when we are the only two ppl in the house

I got new pants today and I didn’t have a meltdown or get overstimulated while picking them out I am winning at life

Idk if this is too specific to where I live so fingers crossed I don’t dox myself but Why tf are Safeway pharmacy labels so hard to read?? There is there different dates on the bottle and the expiration date is the smallest and hardest to find so I couldn’t see it and thought my meds were expired

“They just love you” So infantilization is a form of abuse that can be done to anyone at any age One day when I’m finally able to leave my mother will question why I stopped talking to all of her side of the family (I already don’t talk to my fathers side)

Lack of nutrition really fucks you up and Not just physically but mentally and emotionally Normally the bullshit my family pulls would not phase me cause dissociative disorder but lately It’s actually pissing me off and I can’t fathom why a human would treat another person that way

I need ppl on TikTok to realize just because someone shared their experience in a comment section doesn’t mean they want you to reach out Likes do not message me or tell me your there if I want to talk if that’s going to be our first ever interaction Actually maybe don’t do that to anyone

Everyday I question why my family is so clingy and overbearing I ain’t special. I don’t like them. My sister isn’t pestered to this level It has to be the infantilzation. It’s the only thing that makes sense

So I googled something from my echo results and Either I’m fine and there’s no need to worry OR I’m dying Which I already deduced that myself so google wasn’t very helpful on that front Obviously I’m not about to drop dead but something could be up

Maybe god is real and maybe he does love me (/j) As of rn it’s only supposed to get up to 69 where I live and I could not be happier My lungs love the cold therefore I love it

I saw a video on gastroparesis and ngl it had me scared It was it a new publication(?) about diagnostic criteria’s, testing, and treatment It scared me cause like that might be my life when I see GI I could be put through those tests and treatments and that’s terrifying

For a woman who “loves” her alone time my mother is one damn clingy woman Like girl your on vacation without me Please leave me alone. It’s literally all I want

My primary has no clue what’s wrong with me but He did send me to GI so YAYYY Fingers crossed they have a quick appointment cause I am suffering

“But why?” Idk man your the one who went to medical school

“Why are we so angry all of a sudden?” “Why did something so little set us off so much??” It’s the anger holder and the protector They like to front together lately and it’s so very them to get mad at themselves for fronting 😭😭

Oh how I love gunshot or firework Someone just let off a bunch of the fireworks apparently. It was quick bursts that lasted maybe a minute which is why it’s clocking as weird to me Also yes I’d probably actually know if I had heard a gunshot before but I haven’t so our anxiety created the “game”

Dear Dum Dums, Please use less red 40 Sincerely, A person with a red 40 sensitivity

Okay so maybe until my allergies are properly treated we shouldn’t fuck around Like we shouldn’t fuck around at all but it will be more okay once two allergy meds and an inhaler aren’t the only ones doing the heavy lifting I am not in danger or in need of medical attention but I do feel crappy

I don’t know why grandparents can’t listen when you say something the first time It’s in the same vein as the post I made about my mom a few days ago I just don’t scream at her because I don’t wanna deal with her yelling at me

My grandma does this thing where she will ask you a million questions about someone else in the family and Since I’m at her house so she can take me to an appt I’m the lucky recipient of all the questions about my mother (and myself apparently) I truly do not give a fuck. I’d rather you not

There are very few times I wish I was a cis man (or had top surgery Medical settings centered around the heart are the main one cause like no I don’t want to expose my entire chest to you so you can touch it even if it’s for justified medical reasons I’d like to never do that but I keep having to

I hate knee braces so much omfg I’m finally wearing it cause the bad knee hurts and when it’s the bad knee you have no choice and I am not live laugh loving rn

The echocardiogram takes 45-60 minutes?! Dawg there’s nothing wrong with me (fingers crossed 🤞) why does it gotta go for so long??

“I still have x amount of calories left” And I give a fuck why? I told you to not talk to be about that I said that to my mom’s face too. I’ve stopped responding kindly when she doesn’t treat me kindly It’s so freeing