Leaned to hard into the angst of heated rivalry and now my playlist is just despair It’s only gonna get worse when I finally get to the book 😭😭

Want to say this without having to figure how to word it while dissociating so have a quote of the post I made last time I wanted to say something Also wanted to add on that ppl are now using it to call men gay and/or insult them and I also hate that

Fade to backshots is actually insane I just heard someone call heated rivalry that and I’m giggling so hard 😭😭

a vibe impecável

While shelving the long game(?) on Goodreads I saw a review that insinuated Shane was paranoid and crazy for having so much anxiety around coming out and I don’t think I’ve read a review that bad in a while. The fundamental misunderstanding of the queer experience hurt my brain and heart

The silent “oh my god” when Shane throws Ilya into the wall at his apartment Man lowkey was worried for his life but he also did not give a fuck He’s so down bad omg

just a reminder that women don't owe anyone femininity, the same way men don't owe anyone masculinity, the same way nonbinary people don't owe anyone androgyny

I think this is the closest I’ll ever get to knowing what snorting a line feels like I’m rewatching heated rivalry if you can’t tell

“Why is Scott getting an episode? Is he gay?” Scott who is very very obviously gay in the books:

Just saw a tweet saying there’s appx 12 sex scenes left and I’ll be on life support by number two (I say as if the first however many didn’t already kill me)

I fear I have to stop writing fanfic and go to bed before there is a mutiny In my defense I was feeling big sad and needed to express it somehow

Went for Buck angst and hit Eddie religious trauma instead 🫠😭 (The scribbles are redacted plot info)

If anyone sees bigger than the whole sky a concern amount on airbuds Shhh we don’t need to talk about it 😭😭

I love writing Maddie as Bucks mom so much. He really was her first baby It usually turns into Margret slander and I’m never gonna turn that down

I hate the “my child’s autism/ADHD is a superpower and I refuse to give them life saving meds because of it” parents One just popped up on my fyp and I’m trying so hard not to tweak over it

Tf you mean it’s only 9:16 pm? This whole it gets dark at 5pm thing is not for me

Off to go make Buck suffer in a terribly sad fanfic that will probably never make it to AO3 cause I will be horribly self conscious over how sad it is Eddie will be suffering too. No one is safe from me in this fic

Every time I go “no I can’t do that cause what if the ppl I know see it (aka perceive me)” I hear a little therapist in the back of my head go “this could be a great safe exposure 😁” So yay me I guess. Off to go do the thing I was scared of

“This is gonna hurt” I say as I open the fic faster than I’ve ever opened a fic before

I love them 😭

“Why does Ilya get so much more grace than Shane?” Have we considered the color Ilyas skin?? I’m not saying the fandom is racist I’m just saying it’s a common theme

Ppl are giving Scott (Hunter) a wife in fanfics 😨 Guys it’s an mm series. That man is gay (or bi) as hell too 😭😭

“This was their first thanksgiving without Bobby” Hey so OUCH!! I didn’t ask to be stabbed in the heart like that

I’m trying to find a picture of Connor and Hudson and I can’t 😭😭 It’s the one where Hudson has his hands in the air and Connor is smoking I swore I saved it but it’s not in my gallery 💔

The heated rivalry fixation is so bad I’m reading hollanov fanfic I so very rarely read fics of my fav ships/tv shows/movies

“Why don’t we have an accent?” Idk man why are you here?? We aren’t loving the fact that we probably split ANOTHER fictive 😭😭

I can’t believe that in like two week it’ll have been a year since I started listening to tøp What do you mean it’s almost been a year since my bsf sent me the link to addict with a pen??

One of these days our best friend is gonna give us a complex He laughs at every joke we make even if their bad 😭😭

I love my pathetic, brown-eyed, gay men ✨️

#buddie commission

I need Shane to ditch the socks during sex. It’s weirding me out 😭😭

“No beta we die like Ilyas dad” actually took me out 😭😭

Wdym I was only five when Ilya and Shane met? I had just turned five a couple months ago in December 2008 💀😭

i need the hbo max app to let me replay the first episode right after i'm done with the second. just let me play them on a loop forever.

Having my best friend understand our system and know each of us individually is all fun and games til he starts clocking us individually 😭😭

Joe Locke did an ai ad? Surely he couldn’t have been that broke

I thought my hyperfixation would become less suffocating when the first two episodes actually aired but no I’m still dying inside

I love whatever is wrong with them Context: www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8UfPmgS/

I love mm breeding kink Like there’s no chance either of them can get pregnant so they are just doing it for the love of the game

I'm here still #heatedrivalry

I’m trying to read fanfic and my phone won’t stop locking Let me read kinky hollanov fanfic in peace

With there apparently being ppl who believe Shane isn’t good enough (or whatever the opinion is) for Ilya I have a question Does Ilya know this? Cause the multiple years of texting with barely any reciprocation tells me he’s too down bad to give a fuck

Having the ability to fall asleep almost any noise is kinda comical sometimes I deadass almost fell asleep while Ilya and Shane were fucking and was so close to being fully asleep I almost didn’t shut it off cause it was a lot of work in my half asleep state

I just saw a heated rivalry edit to Damocles Wrap it up 😭😭

Second watch this time without subtitles so the translations pop up properly and I hate Ilyas dad even more and I’ve only just watched the first scene he has

What does a protector do when the host gets put in such distress we shut down so badly we get physically ill Obviously turn on one of the many gay things he love Yaoi fixes anything according to Tylerr

Call me Clancy the way I feel so trapped rn

Ilya is a little shit and I love it

Can my usually ppl come back to PHP? I’m not loving the fill ins 😭😭 They are great ppl they are just strangers. Give me back the ppl who understand my speech issues pls 😭😭