Just had a crazy experience. I needed an item, it doesn’t matter what, that’s not the important pant. Anyway, I walked down the street, and stay with me here: I walked into a ‘building’. This building had not only the item in question, but also other items as […] [Original post on mastodon.online]

A big genre of music for me these days is ‘shit my mom liked when I was a kid’ 🥹

Ok; I cancelled, thanks everyone 🙏🏾 https://mastodon.online/@patrickworld/116015993285672625

Joseph Lyle Menendez and Erik Galen Menendez, commonly referred to as the Menendez brothers, are American brothers convicted of killing their parents, José and Mary Louise "Kitty" Menendez, in their Beverly Hills home in 1989. Following the murders, Lyle and […] [Original post on mastodon.online]

Working in the office today and I’m taking a few minutes right now to go for a walk* *to buy a donut

I know some people have like 6,000 unopened emails on their phone but for me it’s that one voicemail I’ll never listen to 🙉

Very happy it’s not January

#breaking I have been named Fred Chair

If your New Year’s resolution was to eat more healthily, remember to take it slow: start off with some amateur biotics before you try the pro ones

‘may i?’* (tear into your thigh with my claws in a half-assed attempt to get on your lap)

Everybody ok? 🥶

calm down @nytimes 😒

Heated Rivalry (2025)

Heated Rivalry (2025)

Forget everything you know about memory loss

‘so in summary; fuck that guy’

*at an Amazon pitch meeting* them: so what have you got? me: it’s SharkNATO them: that’s been done me: no no, it’s NATO but every country is represented by a shark! 🦈 them: hard pass me: I could get Mr. Beast in it them: we start shooting this Thursday

Opening a Bruce Springsteen themed sandwich shop called Hungry Heart and we’re gonna sell ‘suicide wraps’* *Look, I know this is a really dumb reference to one line in a fifty year old song but sometimes i hear something and a half baked idea comes to me. They’re not all gonna be bangers 🤷🏾‍♂️

Sit on my lap and you’re gonna get you picture tooken! 📸

Went skiing today on one of the bigger hills for the first time and it was really fun. I had a great time and even won an award!* *JD Power & Associates Most Scared Guy 2026

#breaking Lionel Richie has given me one of his Grammys. Mr. Richie told reporters he had made the presentation “as a recognition for Patrick’s unique commitment to dancing on the ceiling.” I called it a “a wonderful gesture”

Ok look, we’ve got Tom Holland, and Tom Hollander, but when will the Tom Hollandest actor of all time be revealed???

‘Trust this device’? Just once I’d like a device to trust ME! 🤷🏾‍♂️

Does anybody know what time they open? I’ve been waiting over an hour already

I’m in the office today and in the car on the way in, the cable for my phone died. I had to stream music over Bluetooth, and I had no maps. I found my way here no problem though. Anyway, I’ve worked here for 8 years

Did you guys ever think it was weird that Mr. Roper used to dunk on Jack all the time but in reality Mrs. Roper would have killed for the D and Stanley was never up for it? 🤔 Anyway, let’s take a break. We’ll be right back with more HotTakeFriday™️ after this!

Goodnight 💫 https://youtu.be/QWtsV50_-p4?si=kLJQAwv9_Dk97ZcV

2026 less news more music 🎶

Kind of dipping out of the news so far this year, so here’s our friend Clove enjoying some nuts 🙏🏾

Before Christmas, they gave us shirts at work. Black fleece quarter zips with a fairly small company logo on one sleeve. Nice. I went in to the office today and like 6 people were wearing it. What are we a softball team now?

When I was a kid back in the nineteen-hundred and seventies, if you were sick, my dad would wheel the (b&w)TV my folks had into your room so you could watch IN BED. LIKE A ROCKEFELLER 😎

2026 better contain bug fixes and improvements

Marty Supreme (2025)

Doing dry January but only in the mornings

Where’s everyone watching the America season finale tomorrow night?

Please say hello to Gnome MacDonald

I’m just gonna come right out and say it: Tom Netherlands

Maybe for once I’d like the jokes to tell ME! 🤷🏾‍♂️

About to watch Fantastic 4, does it matter if I haven’t seen Fantastic 1-3?

🎵 ‘Through the years we all will be together/if the States allow’ 🎵

🤔 https://defector.com/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-last-year-6

Merry Catmas™️ 🎄

🎵 ‘Through the years we all will be together/if the States allow’ 🎵

ok I just have to go to the office one more time this year

Nobody asked for this but here’s what I listened to in 2025 #music

Deck the halls with ME! 🎁

I already know how the Patriot Games are gonna end...

Not to be outdone, Elon considering renaming Tesla headquarters The Ketamine Centre