what a slap in the face

id have been glad to try and help think of solutions, but now i dont want to. if you want worst case scenarios then fine. whatever.

i dont deserve to be made to feel this way

u know what *looks around* this is A LOT i am just saying this is a lot

I do feel lucky for the support I do have. Even when I dont explain whats happening, theyre okay to just be there

what if we self destructed

i have a remaining buzzball with powerade in the fridge but idk if its enough for how im feeling

i at least thought at this age id still have savings and be able to keep at least $100 in my bank. guess even thats impossible.

ive lost so much spark of who i am and cant find joy in anything. i tried so hard to stay me. the world has no place for me. the world doesnt have room for me.

i know 33 is still young, but i want to be able to afford living by now. i want to feel like all my hard work and care has meant something. i want to be able to buy myself groceries or clothes or visit my family.

ive worked so so hard for so long and for what. to never be able to live or thrive or just exist

i cant take living this way and being reminded of everything i cant have or achieve cause im too busy trying to catch up again

i dont know what to do anymore

theres no one i can go to for help. theres no one who can help me.

im always in my worse financial situations after trying to help people i care about and trust. yet im slapped in the face and knocked back down the cliff

i feel so helpless in a system that does everything to make it impossible to survive. and even worse, surrounded by people who do not understand, esp when theyve never had to struggle as hard

there was a suicide in a unit near mine. and another resident is admitting themselves bc they know theyre a danger to themselves rn. and its all just been so heavy on my mind and a slow kind of trigger thats been bringing so much to the surface.

no matter how hard i try its never enough

ive never felt more alone then i have living with someone. i want my own place again so badly

i feel on the brink of wanting to give up again. how many times do i have to be in this pit until im finally free of it

i need girls night

the way it still breaks my heart and how easy it was for them to move on. and to stick with the toxic ones on top of it

you guys are just so good at replacing people

working alone today and wishing for nothing to happen so I can ride it through

me and who

I’ve been pretty angry lately.

sitting with the concept of mortality today and its just. a lot. idk how many times ive dissociated

thank GOD, ugh its hitting so dang good, like man im so gladdd, i just feel like i needed it

omg you ever just. have that edible that HITS so dang perfectly

makes this jic. but idk if theres an option to make the account private