Listening to this song in the gym so I can get as jacked as Mashle

My trolley has been murdered

I’ll eat your man, devour his hole 😮‍💨 Licking my fingers, I’m in control 😈

In your pantry, do you also separate sauces by those that are for cooking (hoisin, soy, Worcestershire, etc) and those that are for eating (sriracha, tomato, barbecue, etc)… or are you neurotypical?

Good morning. Our electricity is down, the stove is tripping the fuses and somehow it can’t be disconnected from the main circuit

Youre hot but you’ll never be this hot:

Australians complaining that they can’t travel to Europe or change their flights they booked with Emirates or Qatar

Viktorepo 🙂‍↕️

I heard that the title song of Pokémon Scarlet and Violet sounds like a marching band performance and now I want @gaymer.fit to do an arrangement of it

According to Catholic doctrine, circumcision, when done not for medical reasons, goes against the Fifth Commandment...

Pitch an unnecessary sequel Now you see me, now you don’t. Wait, you don’t see me, right?

Picked the wrong PhD 😭😭

Because of the ban in Australia, gay porn will be distributed via AirDrop before trivia starts

Oh no, I got too early to The Laird

Australian government is like “well, European summer is coming in a few months and people want to go to Europe but they can’t because Emirates and Qatar have had to cancel flights, therefore the only possible thing we can do is join the war”

I keep thinking today’s Wednesday and almost made plans for trivia at The Laird

Ok calf…

Ladies and gentlemen, please stand up for the Australian National Anthem

Waffles!

I’m in the corner watching you fist him La la la I keep wanking on my own, I keep wanking on my own

I lost my sports watch in Japan, so I charged my Apple Watch but the battery was draining really fast so I sent it to Apple for a repair and they said that they’re just gonna replace it because they won’t repair it, but it’s taking longer to get back and I miss having a watch 😭😭😭

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

Oigan, Molotov sigue siendo facho?

1. fka Twigs - Magdalene 2. Mitski - Be the cowboy 3. Carly Rae Jepsen - The loneliest time 4. Beyonce - Renaissance 5. Kylie Minogue - Body Language

Voy a esperar a que anuncien la Switch 2 edición especial de Pokemon WaWis

¿Un marciano?

Need to book a holiday to use “Dr” in the salutation field now that I am a Doctor

Democrats only needed to revive Pedobear and put the president’s face on it, make it like if it was an “organic” social media thing and ta-da, everyone would be with them. But democrats can’t think lmao

The world is not enough but it is such a perfect place to start, my love

I don’t know why y’all got excited with the Switch version, we’ve had this one for like 20 years?

Latinos when they hear a song about a trans woman in the 80s who was ostracized by her family and ended up dying of AIDS:

I bring holy weed for your throat I bring keisimon for the swelling

Copy and paste the bunny and then put something else in his hand. (\_/) (^-^) />💣>

I’ve lived in Australia for six years, and completed two degrees in this time (one of them in research, which is basically the hardest of all academic degrees) but I still need to prove that I speak English for a visa lmao

You still wake up sometimes, don't you? You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs.

Messi es argentino, ¿en verdad alguien está sorprendido?

You will have to address me as Doctor Viktorepo now…

Remember when Pedro Pascal did that?

Got a follow from an account that has “Welcome Bears” on their bio 😭😭😭

Muehehehe

Necesito hablar más español, porque ya me descubrí hablando casi como nosabo traduciendo de inglés a español a cada rato T_T

Era muy de 2 o 5, pero mis piernas me obligaron a ser 1

Easter is almost here

My taste in cars is either super efficient hybrid/electric small hatchback OR V10 Biturbo Sports Coupé, nothing in between

Same, Mitski, same