More like “pausa de dehidratación

Vouchers

Question for the gang: my 18 yo is job hunting. Is there any benefit at all to going in person to ask if they’re hiring, or will be have similar results just filling out online applications?

is that gordon coaching for team usa? Why is he not wearing jeans?

Me when the boys and I are getting candy bars at the gas station to sneak into the movies

Possibly my favorite line of any TV show ever. Def up there with “you want it to be one way, but it’s the other way” and “don’t give a fuck when it isn’t your turn to give a fuck”

Have you even caught a cod?

Stay off the EB 183 express lanes in Irving

It’s been several months since I’ve heard Gordon talk about this song. It’s taken that long to get it out of my head. Now the entire cycle repeats itself

There is a 1,000,000,000% chance Cape Verde is on the map game tomorrow

A 2A high school field

Amy Adams’ southern accent in Cape Fear is the worst fake accent I’ve ever heard

I’ve seen Roger Rabbit and Michael Keaton Batman literally 100x+ each

One of my best friends ever at work was a custodian from Mexico. She gave nicknames to everyone, and one guy she called “Bimbo.” I asked why and she said “because he’s a big, puffy hunk of white bread…like the Bimbo snacks at the gas station.”

this is what PT at the police academy looks like

Nothing -and I truly mean nothing - irritates my gf more than when I intentionally mess up the Carrie Underwood plastic surgery story. I just said “it was like when Miranda Lambert got her face ripped off by the chimp and she had to have John Travolta’s face surgically attached” & she hung up on me

“Hey, guys!” - Persian mathematician Muhammad Al-Gorithm

this isn't unique to the OALC...not by a long shot. Using emotional manipulation tied to fake religious "principles" to convince victims to forgive their abusers and running interference to protect abusers is an all day/every day practice in conservative and evangelical churches

SHOW THE ENTIRE INTRO! Is this the ABC crew’s very first game?!?

They should close gitmo for everyone except for the liberty bibberty guy

“Clarity” by John Mayer

the best "tackling a fan on the field" video there is www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5UL...

I wish we could opt for the “adult feed” for sports broadcasts

Things I’m surprised at now that I’m an adult: that quicksand, electric eels, and piranha aren’t everywhere and that there are a shocking number of ppl with the last name “wiener”

Fuck Carter Hart

Sports Mayor lol

Will they put up a statue of netanyahu to try to out crazy the Rangers?

“You almost gotta hope that’s a cramp”

The Lambda Lambda Lambdas have withdrawn from the America 250 Celebration

Marty and Bobbi Mohan-Culp have pulled out of the America 250 Concert

Never heard the taint referred to by this term before

Not a box I want to open

I don’t really need my senator to take the floor and just shout “ANTWAN RANDLE EL! STEPFRET WILLIAMS!!! CURTIS CONWAY!!!!” I really just need him to not be a nazi. Bonus pts if he’s never been indicted for a felony OR caught rummaging thru the metal detector bins & stealing a $1000 pen

Great advice from Sean McDonough

Lmao he’s trying to find the wang so he can complete his animal genitalia voltron

I need to make a list of things I invent that already exist. I invented Uber Eats like 6 months ago

“The VGK”

Dave Jackson is the worst rules analyst in tv sports. His commentary is like Magic Johnson’s twitter

I’ve been laughing at this for an hour. This has to be a bit

I know it may come as a shock, but the gentleman wearing this hat at graduation did not approve of the loud, supportive cheering from the black family seated behind him when their kid walked. Pretty sure he said “oh brother!”

“Circumstances pertaining to government” is a Jiverly Wong phrase

I'm laptop shopping for my almost-college kid. I don't know jack shit about computer. He'll need it for school stuff and internet. Something like this??? Don't need top-of-the-line www.bestbuy.com/product/leno...

Hmmm. Alternatively, have you considered fucking right off???

If you give me the ol “take your earbuds out for a sec” at the gym, it better be because the building is about to explode. My “don’t bother me while I’m working out” shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt

I’ve heard it at least 3 times in the hour since I turned this game on

Drop a film with a single word title

Holy shit this piece will melt some eyeballs. Writer argues Dems need to take drastic, even once-unimaginable tactics in response to Voting Rights Act being gutted. He writes: "Patience is the enemy now" and we have to stop asking people for it. betterdonkey.substack.com/p/the-vra-wa...

🎶🎶...and Aubrey was his name 🎶🎶