Fuck grammar-correcting AI in email. I'm trying to convey that I'm folksy, down-to-earth, empathetic, and split infinitives like a motherfucker, but Google wants me to robotically interact with clients like I'm talking to my landlord.

My favorite genre of video is the drunk party video somebody accidentally uploaded as a bar review to Google Maps

I'm somewhere between a Mark Burg and a Mark Burgest.

As a meme historian, I can tell you this meme always looks so godawful because it was originally made and circulated while The Last Jedi was still in theaters.

CIS PEOPLE TIME TO STEP UP it’s once again time to yell at our bad government via online comment form the FCC is trying to make trans and nonbinary content require special ratings on shows GLAAD has a good writeup on it below TELL ‘EM NO direct link to comment form: www.fcc.gov/ecfs/filings...

Me, 11:29AM: I have ordered food! It will be ready in twenty minutes. Plenty of time to check emails. Me, 11:36AM: I have finished emails and I'm ready to rock. Damn. Gotta wait. Me, 12:15PM: Well fuck...

Never meet your

Y'know, if you use your foreskin to unlock your phone, your killer won't be able to simply steal your finger or any of that Hollywood shit.

Data center dipshits must've missed out on the Save Water PSAs from the 80s.

Ok, fuckos: When I purchase an e-ticket, I want the date/time of *the event* and the address of *where I'm going* in an email/receipt. The tickets I just got include the date of *purchase* ("Oh no! This is happening today?"). I just had to go back and search for the venue to get the address. Yikes.

More like the pant-a-virus, am I right??

Trying to convince myself I don't need a Godzilla guitar pedal...

♫ Rhythm is a dancer It is a merganser It will quack out everywhere ♫

User: I crave answers! AI: I've got some demonstrably wrong ones... User: I'll take 'em!

I need someone from Baltimore County Recreation and Parks to tell me if, with a lot of cramming, you could fit Oregon Ridge into Cromwell Valley.

I'm disappointed in whoever asks the top question when the second one is what I was "researching" and what every other human on Earth thinks about from time to time...

Me: "Oooh! I got a text! Mr. Popular over here..." My phone: "Your 2FA code is..." ...every day.

You know somebody comes from a wealthy family in 2026 when a photo taken in their home includes a bannister.

I like math. I'm not great at it, but I'm 600% better than RFK and Trump tackling percentages.

I love all the posts and comments saying "Even if it wasn't staged..." because that's the default reaction.

Y'all ever just get tired of logging into things?

Somebody needs to ELI5 why I don't need this.

What if we made out on the Mr. Tire service center customer couch?

"The Honyak Music School was hit by a drone * Please share this post to support me and my wife * So that our voices can be heard with high views and millions "And the result of my wife and I's two-year effort was suddenly destroyed." -Hamidreza Afrideh

I'm equally sad and delighted that "Lizzie Burden" isn't the name of some woman-led heavy metal band. (any women want to help form 'Lizzie Burden'?)

Someone at game night said "salt & vinegar are the piss kink of potato chips" and it's so weirdly accurate.

Life, the universe, and piss.

Sure, the NYT crosswords are challenging, but you get the little piano riff at the end. Buh-da-da-da-da-ᵈᵃ *BOMP*

My deodorant promises to be aluminum-free. I just saw gum in the store that promises to be plastic-free. How the hell much stuff out there should I worried about being in other stuff?

Hate the idea that venmo and paypal seem like rivals, but they're owned by the same company

"It's National X Day! Come to Y for your free X!" I won't. It's crowded. I'll have to pay for something to go with it. I'd rather just go to Y and pay for that X when I want that X.

Pam Bondi is destined for NewsMax or whatever now. Turns out "I fought tooth and nail to defend a child r-pist president" gets caught by even the laziest AI job screening robots anywhere else.

Reid Wiseman, commander of the Artemis 2 mission, went to high school that's 20 minutes away from me!

Duck Tales takes place in Duckburg in the same way that we live in People City

Pornography? Some things are better than pornography...

Why does AI pr0n exist?! Am I getting old?

Nothing like that smug feeling of finishing a Thursday NYT crossword only to realize, in horror, that it's only Wednesday...

@wtyppod.bsky.social Between this and Port Arthur, there's, tragically, lots of material for y'all.

Why would you put fries on a hot dog? The relatively small form factor makes a hot dog a vehicle for toppings with a lot of concentrated flavor. French fries are just, themselves, vehicles. Ya need peppers, onions, bacon, mustard... stuff like that.

I was in my 30s when I learned that "Marnie" was something that loving parents could name their child. No hate... but... Marnie?

I'M GONNA TOUCH THE BELLY

The government fucked up tariffs so badly that UPS needs to customers.

So... when do all the gun dipshits stop fascism?

I love that in Google meets, AI note-takers follow vampire rules where they have to be allowed into the meeting.

Sometimes healing is ordering a used Gold Tone GM-10 mandolin.

Sinners: Finally saw it!! Amazing movie, worthy of all the praises and accolades! I sang along with the vampires both times ☠️ Guitar forensics for these shots, though: those strings would be either longer or gone. Low E string is some wire cutters.

I moved into the suburbs where all my neighbors own huge trucks. I'm constantly annoyed that they're in my way, my sight-lines, taking up multiple parking spaces, just being a big ol' pain in the ass. Do drivers of those monster trucks have criticisms of my li'l hatchback? Genuinely curious.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Have some beers; share in the awesome music and craic!! But save everybody the embarrassment: don't do the accent.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but perchance.org is a REALLY cool effin' resource.