This is the correct response to this joke, by the way.

Wrote a sitcom pilot on a whim whose humour is v. dark and scatalogical, but the funniest joke might be: 'How the fuck did Clint Eastwood break out of Alcatraz with a spoon?' 'Wait. What was Clint Eastwood in jail for?' 'Dunno. Every Which Way But Loose, probably.'

I don't have erectile dysfunction, I have:

If we'd known at the time that they actually meant THIS universe, maybe we would have gone to see The Mummy.

Remembering old pornos you watched should be called 'nutstalgia.' I will not be taking questions at this time.

What horny female canaries are searching for:

WHERE DO I VOTE

30 years ago, Nickelback released their debut album CURB. They say they never looked back, but you should, by reading NICKELBACKTRACK, a review series that covers every album & a lot more besides. Guaranteed music entertainment, or your Nickel back! Read here: medium.com/@liamkavanag...

Started watching THE BOYS (no spoilers please), further proof that Karl Urban is a national treasure in every country.

Oh you've made a HUGE MISTAKE. HUGE! You've scrolled past new NICKELBACKTRACK review. You haven't read this but your eye has caught it and you now have a subliminal need to read the next chapter in THE SLICKELBACK TRILOGY! Your day will be ruined if you don't. medium.com/@liamkavanag...

RIP Ted Turner. Between WCW and Cartoon Network, the man is responsible for funding approximately 46% of my personality.

I would never start a podcast, but if I did it would be a podcast about food history called DINNERDS.

Big-ups to @samkurd.bsky.social for his review of my novel FREEZER BURN, & for buying it when he didn't have to! He's also offered to help me revise it for a new edition, & once I can pay him what he's worth I will avail. Meantime, if you need a read on your work contact him post-haste!

Hemingway x Freecycle: the perfect encapsulation of modern media consjmption.

New NICKELBACKTRACK review is LIVE. Witness the beginning of... the SLICKELBACK TRILOGY. medium.com/@liamkavanag... #nickelback #review #blogpost

I truly believe there is a special place in Hell for people who comment 'Who?' under celebrity news articles. They have google glasses welded to their faces streaming the IMDB page of every celeb they ever pretended not to know, while demons scream WHO ARE YOUUUUU!!!! in their ears for all eternity

Stewart looks like he gets apologetic about Hitler after too much wine Mirren looks like she did a belly dancing course once in her 20s and hasn't shut up about it since Neeson looks like he bangs on about paleo living and posts feminist memes while subtly undermining his long-suffering girlfriend

Is this anything?

Pick your 5th Ninja Turtle: John Milius

Fianna Fàil and Fine Gael have avoided another series of stoppages and blockades over the rising price of condoms, after protestors elected to pull out early.

If they don't call the I AM LEGEND movie sequel II AM LEGEND, they need to shut the whole thing down.

I just remember Geraldo's cameo on My Name is Earl, where drunk Earl calls him 'Gerardo' the entire time, then later yells 'Fuck you, Gerardo!' at him. Every time I see him on screen, now I think (or say) 'Fuck you, Gerardo!'

It's #wrestlemania!!! And in the most synergystic moment of my life, Nickelback are providing the theme song right in the middle of my retrospective! Read my thoughts on it, and on their equally cursed collaboration with #kidrock below! medium.com/@liamkavanag... #nickelback #bonesforthecrows

Not made with AI. Made with AAAAAIIIIII!

THE CULT BEHIND THE KILLER: THE ANDREA YATES STORY is fascinating because of how the cult operated almost entirely through the post. Dozens of people brainwashed in isolation by vhs, cassette and pamphlet. No physical community. Like a weird analogue version of social media indoctrination tactics.

I'm delighted to discover that there's a name for this design trend from the 1990s: "Global village coffee house". en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_...

In all seriousness, if it it's not called RAMBOJO why are they even making it?

Bet Putin's shitting himself.

Latest photos from the Artemis 2 rocket. I don't think they'll be returning on schedule...

I am the world's greatest detective if the thing I am detecting is context for a skeet I only saw the reskeet of a nested reply to.

Anyone able to tell me if I need to have seen Girl S******g By The Riverside Is...A Little Sister Turned On By An Irrepressible Moan 1 to understand what's going on in this one?

I mean, they have motive: who needs a break more than the trans community?

Nickelback Earns Its First No. 1 On One Chart After Several Runners-Up share.google/3qXR3mO11EkC... They're (Nickel)BA-AAAAACK! Gonna have a review of the new Number 1 Nickelback song and another NICKELBONUS track review coming out just around Wrestlemania time! Watch this space!

Don't have the screenshot but the Dean Norris 'sex gifs' tweet is burned into my brain. Because, frankly, same.

Finished SOLAR OPPOSITES last night. Stuck the landing of its finale as well as it could. The jump in quality that changing Korvo's voice gave it was fascinating. I think Dan Stevens is my favourite actor. Overall, a fun show that never strayed from what it set itself up for from beginning to end.

Bored this Easter Sunday? Full of chocolate, bunny parts & shrouds? Need a break from Easter telly? My debut novel FREEZER BURN is available NOW for download. Thrills and chills - literal & metaphorical - for just 99p! That's a deal you can't...PASSOVER. Get it here! www.amazon.it/Freezer-Burn...

Last Monday, I heard someone in a book shop tell their conversation-mate that 'they killed Jesus because he was a disruptor.' What? Did he rock into Jerusalem in a turtleneck, put ads in the middle of his miracles and try to justify 100-hour work weeks as 'peak grind?' #HappyEaster

Elvis needs to be the prime suspect, surely. If you know,you know.

Not the ideal company name to be pushing AI.

🥳 Happy 20th birthday Speedwell! She is the first Wicken Fen Highland cow to reach this age and has been a resident at the Nature Reserve all her life. Speedwell was one of the first calves to be born on the Fen in Cambridgeshire as part of a pioneering conservation project in 2006.

Sora, not Sora.

This is only slightly related, but I once bantered with Dave Davies about bringing back big 70s style bush.

So taxes and a $1000 medical bill means that I’m really in the mood to work for YOU! Covers I can start working as soon as tomorrow, sequentials I can start later next month. I’ve worked with ONI, IDW, AHOY, IMAGE, and LEGENDARY! Please share! Portfolio: lanelloyd.crevado.com

Chuck Norris doesn't die. Death Chuck Norrises.

Okay @seannorthridge.bsky.social let the cat out of the bag! I shadow-dropped my first novel, FREEZER BURN, a supermarket-based, board game-related comedic murder mystery with just a tincture of horror as a litte treat. Available NOW for download for just 99p! www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0GT4PHRLG/

We do it with everything. When I grew my hair out long, my dad immediately took to calling me Charlie Lansborough. A chap in my class got frosted tips, and from that moment forward was known as Pikachu. My brother got a buzz cut and we called him Billy Whizz for six months.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! Whst could be more fitting for the day that's in it than a blog about a Canadian band and its lead singer's feelings on teens giving birth in bathrooms? *CONTENT WARNING!* Part 3 of NICKELBACKTRACK is out NOW! medium.com/@liamkavanag...

Sean Sword has never won an Oscar. So I guess the old saying is true...

And the Trainwreckords collection grew again today! The most compromised, cringeworthy album The Human League ever made? Yes, I want you, baby.

The whole reason I got into Trainwreckords was the video for Katy Perry's WITNESS and yesterday I finally added it to my collection. I also listened to it in full and it's a wonderful, enchanting, fascinsting disaster.