luckily i have purse

things i’ve learned in 2025

got a little mushy in my substack this week :') johnnylazebnik.substack.com

like if retweet you scrolling saw and this 😭

You’re Not Gonna Believe How Many Belts This Aging Twink Is Wearing

who wants to take me to the sock hop

guess who just got his first pair of glasses !

ratio

hi bluesky

does everyone here know that i am going on a slut tour of ohio johnnylazebnik.substack.com/p/johnnys-sl...

i wrote about new york

reports are saying that in 2 hours i will no longer be 30, but that no one should worry because i am - in fact - still keeping it tight

holy shit holy SHITTTT holy shit

new ‘sletter out today ! i spent a lot of time on this one johnnylazebnik.substack.com

i somehow wrote 4,000 words about this johnnylazebnik.substack.com

catching up on traitors and just want to put it out there that holding hands with dylan efron while a giant millipede crawls on us is my dream date

When in doubt, optimize for sparks (via @jlazebnik.bsky.social) via your new favorite newsletter: blog.medium.com/a-former-new...

reminding everyone what i look like

Congrats to @jlazebnik.bsky.social & Rob Lazebnik (and The League of Extra Horny Gentlemen) on their WGA nomination!! @wgawest.bsky.social

some fun news this morning !!

things i’ve learned in 2024

Last night, there was a new Simpsons that you should watch, because it's good and also because it's co-written by avowed gay @jlazebnik.bsky.social, but also it included a memorial to Billy Wright, who was another gay writer for the show. He passed away on Dec. 16...

I’m still gagged I get to be a little part of this fantastic show. Thank you, @rlazebnik.bsky.social @jlazebnik.bsky.social for writing last night’s very fine episode. #TheSimpsons

they simpsoned me!! they simpsoned me real good!!

never gets old 😭

big things happening in my new episode of the simpsons premiering tomorrow… as a sneak preview, here’s an email that @rlazebnik.bsky.social sent the art team

should i make this my signature look

merry christmas!!!!

i wrote another episode of the simpsons ! december 29th on fox :)

i have now made two (2) lists on @letterboxd.social

it is a frigid 72° in LA today

who up spurning they goodness

i wrote about the ozdust ballroom and how we should be dancing more open.substack.com/pub/johnnyla...

i made a letterboxd just so i could do this

If I were making Dune: Prophecy I would’ve made it exactly the same except one of the Bene Gesserit is Fred Armisen in drag and it’s never acknowledged. No lines, but 3-4 reaction shots per ep.

wicked bravely imagines a fantasy world where a hot jock knows the word “rife”

been feeling a little lost lately so i decided to return to the sacred texts

four books to get to know me !

reskeeting my halloween costumes this year 🥰

I briefly put principles and values aside to make a saltier, crankier case for leaving X: Elon Musk is uniquely insufferable holapapi.substack.com/p/x-out

can i be vulnerable for a second? i still don't know how sagging works. i don't understand how the pants stay up

seeing a lot of naked torsos today... thinking maybe i should try posting a different body part to stand out. how are people feeling about earlobes these days

i am decorating for christmas today

someone needs to make an account that just posts the gay bake-off contestants' pun names

I love this era of bluesky. twitter gays stumbling around looking for each other. comical and beautiful. like something David Attenborough would narrate with circus music playing in the background

guy i'm hooking up with said that me not having a podcast is both "off-brand" and "impressive"

hi guys! on twitter i really tried to make a name for myself as a "tv writer" who has a "substack." with this new beginning here, though, i'd like to pivot to being a "cutie patootie" who "isn't very funny" but "owns a painting." hope you'll join me on this journey! ✨