I miss antitrust actions.

As a fat guy, I feel safe.

Caligula, ET, and Mac and Me.

Thought I saw the aurora borealis but it turns out it was just the after effects of my wife smothering me with a pillow.

For all the pretense of wealth, Trump still acts like a Beverly Hillbilly.

Was not expecting that All Her Fault ending. Pennywise really gets around.

Shocking nobody.

Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage

Live shot of the Democrats who betrayed working people.

To be fair, it’s really hard for Democrats to justify sending you 800 fundraising texts a day when things are going well for them.

Democrat politicians are the people who quit college one credit shy of a diploma because they don’t know if that’s really what they want to do.

How do you shame the party of Trump?

Party leadership makes sure they get what they want while getting cover for themselves. Schumer should resign. The spine of a wet album cover made of tissue paper.

May they all spend their lives stepping on flaming rakes with boots at crotch level.

Lenny Pickett looks like he’s not into the monologue. #snl

Did James Austin Johnson forget how to impersonate Trump? #SNL

Stay tuned for Debra Messing in Shrill and Grace-less.

Think Republicans will realize Trump's a big loser for them?

This video of the UPS crash in Louisville is insane. Four dead, 11 injured as of this time. www.reddit.com/r/Louisville...

Grim Reaper needs to try harder.

Obama’s post presidency has been mostly uninspiring and lacking in real leadership for the future. Carter’s tireless work for the poor was a more vocal protest against Republicans than Obama’s tepid speeches.

Trump has the nuclear football. Ask the USFL how it goes when he has control of football.

I get the feeling that if the right person gets Trump’s ear he would name the kangaroo our national marsupial and declare war on Australia.

Why couldn’t it be rhesus peanut butter cups?

COVID helps.

#BadCandyBars Fetus Ruth

#BadCandyBars Kit-Skat

Elon Musketeers #BadCandyBars

Amazing how many of these supposed alpha males see basic elements of life for millions like they were Jason Vorhees armed with a nuke and smallpox.

You’ll never convince me these people believe their own bullshit. They see a great marketing opportunity to the stupidest among us and run with it.

Maybe if reporters just keep pushing Trump officials to say 67.

Grokipedia sounds like a guide to a bad 70s sitcom about a space alien.

It’s easier to justify why you lost than creating a winning strategy. The tea party seemed batshit crazy. Then it wasn’t.

Part of letting people go without benefits is to see how much people will accept. Republicans and corporations have been boiling the frog for 50 years.

If Bezos believes in personal liberties then quit having Alexa complain when I tell her she’s a worthless piece of crap.

Pitching a new series where a town suddenly sees the horror of everyone becoming lactose intolerant at once. It’s called Welcome to Dairy. Don’t sue me @stephenking.bsky.social.

The problem with being a church pastor during Trunk or Treat is figuring where to stash your trunk full of kids.

Damn, I picked the wrong coach for my prop bet on ESPNBet.

BREAKING: Trump to rename the White House the Summer Mar-A-Lago.

Why does Graham Platner look like he got his facial hair from a 70s GI Joe Doll?

Next on Pod Save America: 1488 reasons why Graham Platner is the right candidate.

Odd that I've gone 54 years without unknowingly tattooing a Nazi symbol on my chest. Maybe I should run for office if the bar is that low.

Can we put Trump on AWS servers?

He’s using satire to make a point that he would love to drop shit on people who are against him. Maybe it’s so subtle you liberals don’t get it.

there is no better visual metaphor for this era

People at CBS who worked in scripted arena hated working for a whole array of assholes so much the place leaked like a sieve. At diff points, mgmt was so angry about my reporting, execs speculated furiously about my sources & methods. I know this bec I was sent recordings of those rants (twice lol)

the Muppets have been real quiet since the Louvre heist

“maybe he was just quenching thirsty protestors with a delicious chocolate milk shake, we can’t know for sure” — an editorial meeting somewhere

To be fair, Trump has been shitting on people his entire life. Rarely has he ever been this self aware.

How’d they get that exclusive? And how long before they turn 60 Minutes into 88 Minutes?