I have a suspicion that plants are only using me as a means of recycling their waste oxygen into carbon dioxide

For those interested in throwing a party for the big sportsball game this weekend just remember the number of avocados you need to make a guacamole is 6.022x10^23

NASA has enlisted the aid of the Canadian Space Agency in a joint effort to build a space probe that will clearly state "I'm Sorry" to any aliens it encounters. Though it may take years before the probe can launch, the Apollo G program could one day save humanity from an awkward invasion.

If you pick a fight with a Utahraptor, not only will you get Jurasskicked but you'll be dinosore

"Mama... I just slept again. Put a pillow to my head and then I laid down, I'm in bed."

Today I found out that the Jefferson Ground Sloth didn't actually believe in limited government.

I heard there's a new strategy game about seagulls. It's said to be tern based.

Elrond: "So Mr Frodo, it appears you are living two lives. One life, you're a respectable hobbit living a comfortable life in Bag End. The other, you're a bearer of The One Ring. One of these lives has a future. The other DOES NOT." Frodo: "I want my phone call."

I'm still hoping we can achieve peace in the occupied Middle West.

Someone needs to make a movie about a modern foreign invasion and high schoolers who mount a rebellion and call it Orange Dawn

Due to an international mixup stemming from the term "Football", the New York Giants will now be playing the World Cup according to FIFA Fofum rules.

Apparently Army Rangers don't like it when you ask where the Army Druids are

When it comes to Evil vs Good, its handy when there's labels that explicitly show who is Good so you can tell who is Evil.

It's at times like this, when the world is falling apart around us, that I ask myself "Just how happy IS a clam anyways?"

Red Riding Hood: "Oh my, grandma. What big teeth you have!" Grandma: "All the better to make an impression at the furry convention, my dear!"

If I ever get to name a dog I'll call it karma, because then if it bites you it's clear it's your own fault. Plus hopefully it's a girl dog so I can say karma is a bitch.

So if an asexual has a heart problem and uses an ACE inhibitor, do they become unable to do anything?

Never task One Punch Man with providing a variety of beverages for the party.

Secretly replaces ChatGPT with CatGPT. It responds to all prompts one of 4 ways: * "No". * Sits and stares at you outside of arms reach. * Bites you and runs away. * Acts cute until you pay attention to it.

Marie Kondo: "Get rid of anything that does not bring joy" Me: cleaning does not bring joy, so I got rid of it, apparently

So there are kidney beans but no pancreas beans

So this weekend I have lots to do. I've got appointments to make, bills to pay, rooms to clean, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.

"Fronds, Roses, and Gardenfolk, lend me your corn ears! I come to bury seeds, not to eat them!"

If I start misunderstanding what people are asking and giving them answers for things they aren't looking for, will articles be written saying I'm trying to take over jobs from AI?

Most people: "Magic isn't real" Tech manufacturers: "Look, I fashioned a rock that can do math!"

Debates on the internet: "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a adult, I went online and continued all of that."

So if someone has one human parent and one centaur parent, does that make them a quarter horse?

When conventional wisdom fails, people start to look for alternatives. Such as chemical, biological, and nuclear wisdom

I found a boxelder bug in my house today. I named it Pliny.

Fey: "May I have your attention?" Several people who are suddenly ADHD look up. Fey: "Thank you" and then disappears.

Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.

Biases are like donkeys that can go both ways.

My brain works weird. Like it wants me to avoid going to bed because sleeping makes it feel like tomorrow will come sooner and I just don't want to deal with tomorrow yet.

Its said that in every myth there is something of a truth. What truth is behind the Redcaps and what warning they might provide today? "The redcap (or powrie) is a type of malevolent, murderous goblin found in folklore of the Anglo-Scottish border region." en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redcap

In this increasingly hostile world prime ministers remain divided on a solution, but only by themselves and 1.

Sleepy is the head that wears the weighted blanket.

Last night was scary. Groups of people in masks came up to my door all night demanding food, all repeating the same phrase. I think it was a cult!

Sinus issues can be a real pain in the hypotenose.

lol “find your own instead of stealing” in defense of columbus day

NPR is highlighting Indigenous stories from across its network in celebrations of Indigenous Peoples Day. n.pr/47nGDK8

I know why there are so many reportedly haunted pubs and bars. Its because they serve spirits.

It sounds like lithophiles have hit rock bottom.

I have determined that when you itch for no reason its actually the ghosts of all the ants you've murdered haunting you.

How I can tell we're in the evil mirror dimension: we live in the universe, therefore the original good one would be the iverse. We're defined as the opposite of them, so we're based on their standards.

Social Club. noun. def: The barbarian equivalent of a sentient sword

So in the old song, "shave and a hair cut, two bits", its important to know that "two bits" was slang for 25 cents. That means one bit is 12.5 cents. So to determine the dollar value of your software the total bytes it takes up (since a bit is 1/8th of a dollar).

When ghosts go "boo" they're not trying to scare us, just judging us.

Autumn is on the way. Soon the deer will be digging their burrows getting ready to hibernate through the winter. Though Reindeer won't since they can fly south for the winter.