Hey Grim Reaper, that’s the wrong one

3 and 300 are the only 2 temperatures aloud on a Southwest flight

If you believe the white supremacist marching today were undercover FBI then you need to ask who’s in charge of the FBI right now Make it make sense

It’s Fourth of July weekend if you know, you know. Helmets on the entire weekend

I believe people on the Internet, who say they have communicated with a cat that explained the meaning of life before I trust Trump, Fallon, or Bargatze

Comedian Carlos Mencia is being arrested for tax fraud. It’s nice to see someone doing something different than sexual assault. That’s where we are in 2026

Sometimes the news gets so bad I just need to look at pictures of handsome men and pretend they would be nice to me

Aaron Parnes went from “Breaking News” to “You are not gonna believe this shit”

The government told all these pastors that the aliens are all demons. The aliens told all their pastors that the human government is all PDF files

Is everybody OK? Correction Is anybody OK?

Create a love in you that they can’t touch Then they can’t change you.

Why do dogs die young and presidents seem to live forever?

I would like to speak to quality control #2745619 who checked my notebook! It’s not writing anything funny so I want my money back!

How many cowards have we elected that he has not been removed yet? Oh yeah, all of them

They say revenge is like giving yourself poisoned, but so is chemotherapy so way your options

@verizonofficial.bsky.social HEY instead of transferring a phone number someone it tech shut off my phone and i can’t get a hold of anyone!! Can i do a chat NOT WITH AI?

Whenever I see Donald Trump, all I hear is the theme song from Requiem for a dream

The guy who plays Jesus in the Chosen now, completely thinks he’s Jesus and is stomping for Donald Trump I can’t take much more

Do you think the people in the Epstein files were feeding people to reptilian aliens? Asking for a friend

Best quote heard today from @Gaarasideninja : BEING WOKE DIDN’T RUIN COMEDY, BEING CONSERVATIVE DID! Thank you!

Please don’t feed the egregores

Southwest now says to ask the flight attendant to help if anyone is bothering you so I complained about the President We’ll see if the new policy works

The last time people were treated this bad the rich were flogged and dragged through the streets naked. Just saying

It’s easy to get a fly out of ointment. It’s hard to get it out of my coffee.

I just met a better version of me at Ralph’s

Is it just me or is everyone really mean all of a sudden?

I couldn’t help but notice all the alpha males that left their wives behind at the correspondence dinner

Just woke up to one of my jokes, being stolen and put directly up on TikTok as their own content Are there any good people left? Seriously what is happening to this country?

The Atlantic has posted an article saying Cash Patel has a drinking problem that is affecting the way he doesn’t do his job

April 17th 22 flights Already A-list on @southwestreview.bsky.social thru to 2028 That’s a great work year

To be honest, I think Jesus would have just rolled his eyes and continued to feed the poor

To be honest, I think Jesus would have just rolled his eyes and continued to feed the poor

Do you ever go back exactly one year ago, to see what you saved in your camera? From April 16, 2025

I just put a very small screw in something that was broken and fixed it. I’m taking the rest of the month off

So now you’re gonna tell me that a guy that is so stupid that he would post a picture of himself as Jesus didn’t have the hubris SA little girls on Epstein Island?

THEO VON IS AN IDIOT!!! STOP FALLING FOR THE BULLSHIT! HE CHOSE TRUMP OVER THE 28 WOMEN WHO ACCUSED TRUMP OF RAPE!!!

Well, if there was ever someone you wanted to sleep with, and you were afraid to ask now is the time. Just in case you haven’t been watching the news

If Theo Von thinks Rich kids should go to war he should start with his own because he voted this guy in! He promoted this guy

Why is my TikTok account filled with fake Christian accounts and trying to sell me two imaginary pieces of rope to work out with?

Remember every new day starts with the potential to screw things up even worse

I bet a lot of conversations Kristi Noem had with her husband about what she should wear makes sense now.

Does anyone know where I can get a Lindsay Graham bubble wand for my neighbor? She’s four

Life is too stressful I just knocked over an empty cup and decided I’m not doing anything else today. It’s too hard.

What if Jesus doesn’t come back because AI made him too handsome and he’s afraid we’re gonna be disappointed because he doesn’t look like his picture

The Iran government is literally showing more respect to the Epstein victims then our government

Philly did not disappoint today! Every flight attendant was rude and yelled at me

I have one message for whoever is making those Lego videos in Iran. Can I hire you?

So you were OK with the SA of children and women but oil pricing is where you draw the line?

TEA BAGS ARE TOO MUCH TO NEGOTIATE ON A PLANE