A Thread of some of my favorite conmen, unscrupled merchants, and swindlers! Post Your Own!!!! First and Foremost: QUARK

Get you the kind of friends that make late night gluten free blueberry muffin-cake to share with you while you shoot smut in their house. 😭 I fuckin love you 💚 @takahanazawa.bsky.social 💚

ACAB includes ChatGPT

And on the other side of things, there are sweetheart regulars who do things like bring me books. This time it was beautiful Taschen art books from their Library Of Esoterica. 🥺

Gif is what I picture when I figure out I'm talking to a time waster. "I'll bring an extra 3k so we can have fun!" 🙄 "Let me take you out for a drink!" 🙄 "You're the only one that caught my eye!" 🙄 *sends dick pic equivalent of a cat bringing you a half eaten mouse* 🙄🙄🙄🤦‍♀️

I intimately know the hell of finding sw tolerant payment processors, but I stg! If Tryst could find an easy way to charge just $1 for clients to view a provider's contact info, I wholeheartedly believe it could cut down on time wasters trying to psychically vampirize us by orders of magnitude.

Client: You walk like you're listening to music. Me, shutting the fuck up: Thanks, it's the violent neurodivergence that fux my proprioception, so I have to be hyper-aware of every muscle I move at all times so I don't just walk into a damn wall. It does give me a bit of a swagger! 😶

It's time for us to STFU on the internet, the men know too much. We told our business all over the place, and now I just saw an assistant at my physio's hit another with a "Good girl", knowing *exactly* what he was doing. YOUNG MAN, NO. Absolutely not. You're not responsible enough for that yet. 😤

I am the exact opposite kind to whatever neurodivergence makes Noise shows appealing. Only comedy open mics give me more second-hand embarrassment than I get from watching people stand around and intently watch someone else twiddle knobs until random arhythmic chhchhhchhhxtzzz and boops come out.

Being dx'd with "treatment resistant depression" and not "You & yours are being hunted for sport by shockingly stupid meglomaniacal oligarchs" is pretty whatever. But Medicaid approved me to do ketamine about it and I bet that would piss off Musky, so, what the hell, let's fucking go!

Can I be honest? I've lost track of the # of times a date or client has told me, "Wow, you're even more beautiful than your pictures!" & 100% of the time my first thought is, "WTF am I doing wrong with my photos?!😤" Is this just a thing ppl say? Am I having a tism about it and it's not literal???

A while ago one of my favorite regulars was giving me a ✨️look✨️ at the end of our appointment, then said I must be a witch or a demon or something. I told him I was a succubus, because, I am. Then I get this gem when we were chatting recently... 🤣 Succubus, suck ur butt, whatever, I can do it all.

"I Shaved My Pussy For Disappointment: and other such mediocre tales from in-person sex work" Well, I made decent use of my freshly denuded undercarriage at least, after this false start. 😆

Mardi Gras season means going to bed with your nipples still gilded because you're too fucking tired to figure out removing the liquid latex! 😭 Anyway, DAD's Ball was a blast. LSD Clownsystem is amazing.

I've been surviving the NOLA snowpocalypse by listening a smutty book series and playing video games. I'm a little iffy on the writing in this one, but damn if it isn't painfully reawakening my Catholic Priest kink. 🫠 ...Which is a weird one to have as an agnostic witchy Jew, but here we are.

This harrowed little crab speaks to my soul.

As the birthday ticks to a close and I go through the messages to find all sorts of fun stuff to send back to folks, I am, as always, delighted by all of the sweet, strange, sexy, heartfelt, and hilarious offerings that have been made. I highly suggest that others should try this game too!

For the past 4 years I've played this game for my birthday, so play with me, send me something and I'll send something back! I've also made my OF free for the week because I get my pleasure from being a giver, and this is how I like to celebrate! 🥳

I bungee corded a collapsible camping fan to a tin chair and then zip tied my phone to it in order to create the POV effect of me lifting the viewer's chin with my sword. 😆

New gender neutral greeting (Hello there, all my tiny fruity cuties!)? A good name for my entire friend group? Or just generally Trader Joe's employees?

Tis the season where New Orleans groundwater finally gets COLD, and the bidet goes from, "Ah, refreshing!" to "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I GUESS I'M AWAKE NOW!" Nothing beats that morning cup of coffee like being suddenly, rudely rimmed by a frost giant.

2025 be like

15 murdered, 35+ injured, 3 IEDs found and detonated, several building fires, 1 dead friend, and my blocking thumb is getting a repetitive stress strain from numbly battling the botpocalypse when I come here for a brief reprieve from the horrors this year has already heaped on us. Let's skip 2025.

My city was harmed last night, there are still unknown threats ongoing, and I fear that the Louisiana governor will seize this as a 9/11 like opportunity to fill our streets with state troopers and military to try to bring to heel a city that defies his facist nonsense at every turn.

I would trust you to make sure people get the help they need ANY DAY over anything set up by our thoroughly corrupt and self serving city government.

Hey friends! Thanks for all the warm wishes today. We're all reeling, of course, and doing what we can to support each other. I finally set up my Venmo and CashalApp accounts (links in bio) so you can direct tip if you want. Any tips through January will get split with some folks I know affected.

Deerberus? Also, I love a lot of metal, but stoner metal is far and away my absolute fucking favorite. There's a lot of variations there, but when the band gets on stage and hotboxes the venue, I'm all fucking in. (Condolences to those with allergies)

I woke up still mad! Never even mind that sw is often more than sex, even if it wasn't, that's fine too. Pleasure IS vital to humans. Pleasure IS important to society. Bread AND fucking roses. And people have every right to exist without being "useful", a decent society would honor that.

This has gotta be one of those FBI agents at a keyboard sowing discord situations, right? This cold as mammoth taint take has to come from someone who thinks sex, & therefore sw, is about his orgasm, and not the incredibly complex and multifaceted reality. Never-even-looked-for-the-clit-ass mofo. 🙄

Pashangiwelwala. Please, please let him fuck off to Mars instead of farting about here, destroying our ozone layer with his Starlink crap.

Quote this with a pic where you felt sexy 💚

Happy Sinful Sunday, whores 😘 Remember, if you're not sinning, then Jesus died for nothing. Now, who wants to play with my mouth? 🤤🤤 #oralfixation #spitplay #saliva #nsfwmen #altmen #18+ #fetish #nsfwsky

Fuck: Vampire. Fun, kinky, but not ltr material. I can't warm my frozey feet and butt on em in bed! Kill: Fae could trick me into p much anything, and too self absorbed for good sex. Marry: Werewolf. Hairy, hot blooded, passionate, protective, loyal, growly, bitey, will chase me thru the woods...🥵

I'm already playing bot whack-a-mole with 20 accounts a day, the last thing I need is an infestation of Democrats! Talk to me when you give up the homo/transphobic anti-Trump "jokes", and AIPAC $ 🤑, and 💩ing on The South... Y'know what, nvm, y'all can just get the wall too. 🔴👓🔵

People with jobs that require that they sell their souls love to hate on people who only sell their bodies

I spent an interminable amount of time, in between all 9000 other things I had to do today, creating a list, because I was missing too many skeets from friends, awash in a sea of unknown bits and buttholes. Like, sometimes a bitch just wants to see her friends bits and buttholes, ya know?

I'm telling you. THIS was the event that broke the timeline. Lemmy wasn't God, Lemmy was our anchor being.

Finally working my way through Arcane season 2, and everyone just gets hotter and hotter as they get angstier. But, also, oh no. Warwick. Sigh. Would. WOULD. Would crawl over a bed of Lego for. I'm such a predictable, basic bitch monsterfucker. 😆

5 faves: Weather: 85°, sunny, 80% humidity, w those massive, mountainous clouds that the sun will send crepuscular rays through. Bird: Crows, city dwelling ones Cake: meh. Fruit and custard tarts or key lime pie (from scratch) Holiday: Mardi Gras Movie: Fury Road I hate tagging people. 😅

Why are these damn things breasting so boobily this week?! They're heavy and aching! I'm nowhere near PMSing, which usually does it. They better not be randomly growing, AGAIN! I have neither the financial nor emotional wherewithal for bra shopping. Just having a body is body horror. 😩

Is Fansly a decent platform? I'm still using OF and I kinda loathe its interface and its culture, it feels really isolated, but so many people use it. Fansly seems decent and you can discover creators there. I'm not sure if it's worth putting the effort into both, though.

Sometimes you wake up and just decide breakfast is going to be eating spoonfuls directly from the vat of lemon curd you made.

My time-travel plan: Kill the Hays Code. Obviously, killing Hitler never works, so I've decided I can have greater positive effect on the future by stopping early film censorship. It would be whack-a-mole with all the other censorship pushes of the time, but worthwhile.

This is 100% the fastest I've ever gone from shooting to posting on OF. I guess I was inspired! My book hit some plot, so I turned to one of my favorite VAs on #gwa to get off to. It's too cold here to get nekkid, tho! (Just posting the cleanup on bsky 😜) #nsfwsky 🧡🖤 #gothmilf #punkmilf #diyorgasms

Ah shit. I'm now worried for all of our kitties.

I can't believe it took me this long to figure out how to record video *while* listening to audio. Apropos of nothing, this audiobook is hot af, and I need to do something about it, but I'm overdue for some content creation... Mmmmm...

Yesss! But be aware that different prisons have different rules for what they'll allow in. I just pulled this from prisonercorrespondenceproject.com I've had issues just writing to family in prison, so make sure you look up and follow the guidelines if you want him to have a chance of seeing it.

I just saw the phrase "Put the Rizz in Terrorizzm" and I have been slain. I am an ex-parrot. I'm pining for the fjords. The unseriousness of The Youths is a priceless gift beyond all measure. I love every one of these feral goblin children who will be making jokes all the way to the grave. 😭