Apparently it's inappropriate to say "hang on, lemme take this muffin's li'l panties off" before you eat it.

C'mon, are we really respecting the "2 Servings Per Container" on those Arizona tall boy cans? Or are we all just chugging that delicious affordable crack in one go?

You ever be falling asleep and your tummy grumbles so loudly you think someone's fuckin' breakin' into your house downstairs? ... just me then?

Didn't realize I was gonna be at the dealership this long, so I only brought one graphic novel to read, and I already finished it. 😭

If one more crusty ass man shouts at me across the store for service today, I'm going to make sure that their loneliness epidemic ends on a coroner's slab, I swear to god. Dogshit dickless behavior.

Why is eveyone so obsessed with getting the "Arlington National Cemetery" mouth? Just an unnaturally straight row of jarring white rectangles stuffed up under their lips.

Diamond Comics emailing me to order Funkos is like a corpse suggesting I get scabies.

The best thing about the Labubu craze is all of the crafters making their own unique and amazing versions of them. From adorable crocheted ones to terrifying porcelain doll faces with salvaged animal teeth, I am HERE for the "we have Labubu at home".

Begging for Hulu to pound out a Fall of Diamond Comics documentary before the end of the year. *Begging*

The leopards They are eating each other yes YES The leopards are HUNGRY

I wish I could just go to the SPCA and try to convince them I'm just a large working breed and get spayed and ear tipped real quick for cheap.

Today I had to explain to a fully grown ass man that no, comics from the 1990s ARE NOT NOW NOR EVER WILL BE "Golden Age comics". Where the fuck are these "collectors" getting their fucking knowledge?! AND THEN HE TRIED TO CORRECT ME! Baby cakes sugar plum... No.

Only bathroom debate we should be having in 2025 is who the fuck are these folks pissing all over the floors and not flushing after they do big shits?!

Wishing every couple who had Nottoway Plantation booked for their wedding a very merry GET FUCKED!!

So everyone's about to get subjected to Communion Malort, huh?

We all agree that Vance's loser vibes killed the pope right? Like, the pope was so disgusted with meeting him, he hoped outta this plane of existence.

First song on the shop playlist today (purely by chance): Necromancer by Judas Priest. The vibes, like the conception, are immaculate. 🤌

The only thing Katy Perry inspires me to do is hate her more. Insipid bigoted trash who backs r*pists.

Hear me out y'all: A pretzel bun, but you don't slice it. Instead you pipe creamy potato salad into it like a custard donut. You then "frost" it with beer cheese and sprinkle sauerkraut and brat bits on it.

Erotic fin fiction. And for those oppositely inclined fish, hot gill on gill action.

I'm not a nutritionist, but Rob Liefeld can eat shit.

I haven't worked on a creative writing project in well over a decade, but I've been obsessing over a raccoon girl story for thr last week and I've finally started banging out some pages for it.

For real though, how adorable is this

Found out the hosts of Taskmaster Greg and Alex are a Taurus/Virgo combo like my bestie @digitalduckie.bsky.social and I, and suddenly my feral love for their banter and chemistry makes so much more sense.

When you've been showing every friend under the sun Letterkenny, and you're geared up for Shoresy season 4, but then you find 19-2 streaming on Acorn, and you get whiplash.

Unboxing videos make me want to rip my own teeth out of my head. Please just have a comprehensive list of what is supposed to come out of a factory sealed product at the beginning. Or better yet Manufacturers please have that info available on your fuckin, websites.

Why are furniture stores trying to sell me glorified bean bag chairs for $300? If I'm spending a small handful of Benjamins, my furniture better have BONES!! I am not about the boneless furniture.

Customer walks in with a gaggle of her friends: ok, y'all, I don't want you touching anything or bumping into anything. We're just gonna look and- wait, there's no weed in here. Hey, is this the smoke shop? Me: nope. Just comics and toys. Her: girls, we are in the wrong place! Turn around!

I am literally begging adults to understand how the post office works. I feel like every time I'm here there is one person in line who does not understand how this centuries old establishment works. "What do you mean I need to stamp my letter?" "Why do I need a customs form to ship to Canada?"

It's February 14th, my loves. Never forget the reason for the season... the season Captain cook got his racist colonizer ass fatally handed to him by native Hawaiians.

I find myself frequently thinking about how Skidmore, Missouri handled their violent bully Ken McElroy. What a beautiful example of teamwork.

Recently listened to a podcast about the Cottingly faerie hoax, & how the photos are glaringly fake. "How do you fall for that BS?" I ask. And then I watch folks absolutely lose their minds because they fall for AI faked photos in this century. At least the faeries didn't hasten global warming.

Most days I feel like a houseplant: non-verbal, content to just do my thing, and requiring that someone make sure I'm properly hydrated.

So is Drake gonna sue the Grammys now too? 🤣🤣

I could never become a werewolf. The fuck do you mean I can't have chocolate?!

I just accidentally called St. Patrick's Day "Patrick's Saving Time".

Ordering from Diamond's liquidation section after their chapter 11 announcement feels akin to looting a corpse. There i said it.

Today's topics of discussion with customers: my encyclopedic knowledge of IKEA products & exactly which ones are ideal for comic & figure collecting.... and how the porn industry dictates what digital archiving mediums we use, from the domination of VHS over beta to DVD to high speed internet.

I dreamed Catherine O'Hara was crawling around in my gutters trying to seduce my neighbors and invite them over for tea by hissing "come to tea with the ladies of the house," and I kept shouting "YOU DON'T LIVE HERR, CATHERINE! IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE! GET OUT OF MY GUTTERS!" at her.

Impressed my father and myself by climbing up and over my washer after installing the new dryer vent. Unrelated, I'm going to just lie very still for the next few hours.

One of my regulars brought me this awesome possum baby!!!

Realizing that, in order to do online dating again, I must first acquire recent photos of myself actually out and about being candid and sociable. Debating hiring a pet photographer to just come over and throw cheese at me till they get a decent pic of me smiling.

Boss brought me Whataburger for lunch: 🤗 I realize he only got REGULAR ketchup:

Hey everyone! Incredible news! Trans Scouts selling GS cookies this year on my list have sold over 50,000 boxes of GS cookies! If you want girl scout cookies, consider buying from a trans girl scout this year! They'll mail them to you! This is literally my fav thing to do every year :)

Snow seems to be melting off now, so I went outside and made a little snow Jar Jar.

All puzzles 1000 pieces or more should come with little posters like this so I can use both halves of the box to sort pieces and still reference the photo without the box lid.

I got asked if we accept bitcoin as a form of payment by a gen alpha kid today. Marginally better than when a whole ass adult man who probably pays taxes asked me if we sold Disney NFTs in the store.

The woes of a gulf coaster prepping for a snow storm. Aside from the whole "we do not have the infrastructure for this" my body *hates* the pressure drop and dry air so I've got a gnarly barometric headache and a bloody nose. Please, I am only built for heat and hurricanes.

More and more customers, especially male-coded types, want to fist bump me at the end of sales transactions? Is this just a thing now, or has my mullet unlocked a secret handshake?

Customer: Do you still have Prismatic Evolutions? Me: We only have ETBs. C: How much? Me: $130 C: That's bullshit! Gamestop's were $55! Me: Wow! Then definitely get them from there! C: They're all sold out! Me: Oh bummer. Well we still have a few in stock that're going fast. Thank you for calling!