Halloween is on a Payday Friday this year?! Seems like that hasn't happened in forever - might have to...have a house party?! I almost said "go out", but the streets are for the children, the bars are for the kids, and I dress up no matter what I'm doing - ain't waiting for them candy beggars again!

So you can get a whole kit to make a mold of that meat and get yourself a custom ding-dong-dilly-doh! Might come off a weirdo, asking a new lover but they should know by then you a freak, right. I HAVE heard tell of them trying to take it at the relationship's end. The Great Ones always haters, smh

"The pop punk way"?! Are you sure you don't mean "grunge"? Because them pop punk folks were/are always wearing tight clothes. A quick image search of poop punk brought up one guy wearing a flannel, fitted, in classic "yee-haw" style

Not if RFK got anything to do wit it

Made me wonder if there's some annoyed ass graveyard groundskeeper somewhere, filling holes, grumbling about witches 🤣😂

The correct way: yee-roh!

Okay, I see what the fuss is about with the damned Ninja blender. Pretty sure this thang could puree my phone. Beautifully engineered piece of machinery, which is nice to see in these days of enshittification!

This Thursday is brought to you by: Monday! Apparently

Told that man I canceled my birthday and got an "I love you" and rundown of his day. Not an "Aw, baby, why?", but what is essentially a "Thank God!" So do I walk into the river today or keep on outliving assorted dogs as a survival plan 🥲

Tf I look like? London during the damned Blitz? NO

Sooo, did y'all catch that ridiculous AI fuck up on the latest episode of #AlienEarth? The fuckin floating leaves, attached to no tree, vine, nor branch directly above their heads in the woods, like a video game beacon, lol. Embarrassing.

I like to think that, maybe just a little bit, all these republican weirdos saw in real time that no one will mourn their deaths and got sad. It's like accidentally witnessing your own funeral.

When I was younger, I was very happy to celebrate myself. Now that I'm older, it'd be nice if others did the work to celebrate me. I literally *just* canceled my birthday party because I'm just too tired to come through for myself in that way, now; and a little sad because no one else has yet.

Been listening to my white Germ Z coworker drop AAVE like a mf - sounding JUST like Lisa damned Loeb with the "EYE be" and "EYE don't be". Yet when I, a bona fide Black, use "bitch" colloquially, what do you think her reaction was? If you think I had to apologize, you are correct. 😐

I threw a Chevy catalog at a mf then chased his ass out the door hollering. Damn thang was big a a rat, man, FUCK them Seattle spiders!!

Damn, my neighbor is now putting in a WATERFALL. After being the one to inform him about his burst pipes, shot plumbing, and lending my water for concrete pouring after the discovery of his lack of a foundation? He gon have to find out the hard way about the fuckin raccoons...and winter, I guess!

Listen, I've seen cops *pretend* to "recognize" protesters for a "prior offense" and target them in the moment. "Hey, aren't you the guy who threw that brick through the window?", one of a phalanx said, pointing. To which Bo's ass said: "Hey! Aren't you the cop who maced that old lady?!" Beaten

*Friend was back from vacation with bf*: "Do you think (bf) is ugly?" "?? No, baby! While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you *are* conventionally attract-" "Because when we were in Vegas, *everyone* thought I was an escort." 😶 Nothing further. Laughed, bc tf you supposed to say to that?!

Let me start writing my own eulogies, actually, because y'all aint getting the chance to disappoint *this* Jones one last time, no SIR 😆

Nutty Yahoo next, please, kthxbai

"Sounds like a slur", said no one, apparently, to the biologist who named this creature the RED NECKED NIGHT MONKEY?!? 🤣🤣🤣

Whew, this kid's dad wouldn't let him die by his own hand, and now he gets to watch the state kill him. Maybe. I could conceive of all these murderous white boys going to a CIA training camp to learn mercenary work instead of prison. Can't waste a perfectly good white man just cuz he be killing.

I distinctly remember TikTok mf's trying to free the fuckin Menendez brothers because they were "hot", when clearly not a damn one had a seen a photo taken in the past 30 years

Oh, wow, imagine we strive to be and do good all our lives in preparation to meet the savior and, whoollle tiiime, every fly you've ever killed counts as a murder.

Omg, they been watering the office plants with mineral deficient water... that has added electrolytes? That explains why they're halfway to Jesus, I guess. "Brawndo! IT'S GOT WHAT PLANTS CRAAAAVE!" Lmaooo, Idiocracy should be required watching. Smh.

Okay, early this summer I lost 9 pounds due to my injury and I'm still working to gain that back. So why THE FUCK my pants just split at work, heau?! Tf?!

Funniest thing about this is Mary was Jesus' whole ass wife. Like, even ancient dudebros hated on their homies' relationships.

Happy Monday, you bunch of bullskeeters! Caught myself proofreading my case notes to the tune of "Be My Lover" and I think I feel a Techotronic Tuesday coming on! What's *gotta* be on that playlist?

Jake, I guess. On the reasoning that if I don't know where that man is, at the very least, I know I don't *want* know; Fitz may be teaching pimp class but if you look closely, he only got ho credentials

Bullshitting with my man and we were dreaming up who would be competing on White Verzuz 😂😂 Lisa Loeb v Alanis Morissette would probably be a weapons-grade racket, lord 🤣 Who you got?

The way I've just been walking around with this Hatch chile in my bag for about a week 😅 po thang been through it!

I really fucking hate AI and any dweeb in support, because how the FUCK you gon suggest corrections on a language you clearly do not understand, you stupid bitch? "Check to see if a possessive is necessary" HOW ABOUT YOU CHECK YOURSELF, HO, and anyway aren't you supposed to be learning from ME?!

I really fucking hate AI and any dweeb in support, because how the FUCK you gon suggest corrections on a language you clearly do not understand, you stupid bitch. "Check to see if a possessive is necessary" HOW ABOUT YOU CHECK YOURSELF, HO, and anyway aren't you supposed to be learning from ME?!

There should be a wizard mode on Rush pinball where it plays not the music of Rush, but Paula Abdul's "Rush, Rush", because this game boring as hell

I found a natural deodorant that works!! For exactly 8 hours, lol. You know how you realize you fucked up and have a panic attack right when you need yourself the most ? 😅 yeaah that deodorant better be on-tf-hand!

First-time unemployment claims the highest ever since 2021, when damned near everybody got laid off during the global pandemic? Again, is America great again yet?

"He wrote Black ideology on the bullets" What the fuck...what would that be? You mean I wrote classic lines from Living Single on the bullets?

This morning, on the anniversary of September 11 - on which thousands of innocent Americans lost their lives - I walked past a veteran's memorial, for those who served and paid the ultimate price, and the flags are lowered for goddamn Charlie fkn Kirk. Is America great again yet?

Anyway, I'm struggling to enforce boundaries with a friend who may be earning the title of "Former" because she just doesn't engage lovingly and within the bounds of respect. You know, as a friend. I say "You hurt me" and she gets defensive, blames it on me, and tells me to fuck off, every time.

You can't be saying "free Luigi" while simultaneously saying "Charlie didn't deserve this" Those continents don't meet!

Pedo/Hebe-in-Chief giving Conservative influencers a Secret Service detail, I bet.

I bet you Charlie Kirk don't even get Judgement - just the trapdoor/super slide straight to Hell because St. Peter looked up, saw his ass in line, and said

Oooh, too late for thoughts BUT prayers are for *souls* and I guess that's all Charlie Kirk is now??

Let’s make one thing clear from the start: Charlie Kirk was the victim of a shooting in a country where he, along with other right-wing extremist influencers, have been inciting violence for years. — Kirk is neither a martyr nor a hero, he is a cause.

"The future is in your ears" I think we all know "the future" finna be on the train, on the street, in the toilet, actively jamming up an escalator in Seattle's light rail system, halfway to China, or any of the other myriad place you idiots lose your *checks notes* $300 status symbols #AirPodPro3

Pinball Map is a fantastic app for finding pinball locations. I LOVE that it's so user-powered; I do NOT love that I walked my ass up that hot ass hill to find that you bitches cannot read. How you gon put the wrong machine in when you literally sitting right tf there looking at it? PISS me off!!

The new iPhone’s camera is so clear that it reveals your desperate craving for validation from strangers in every bathroom selfie you post.

Harvard can't use someone's race to decide if they are going to be a student, but ICE can use a student's race to decide if they are going to detain/incarcerate them. According to the Supreme Court, race can only be a factor if you want hurt, not help, someone.

I really dig my new job, y'all! The only learning curve is spending 8 hours with a person that breaks up every sentence??? With a pause and an upward inflection? So every statement is a question?? I remember a comedian touching on it decades ago and it was funny, as a joke. Not amusing irl, at all.

I got a FDT Playlist - y'all got sumn for it?