"My agent in particular was like, There must be sex in this novel. Please put sex in this novel!'" I talked to @somers.bsky.social about comic novels, writing "like a worm," and her new novel THE TEN YEAR AFFAIR (out today!) countercraft.substack.com/p/processing...

Every time I hear "burrata" I'll think of this. Incredible story.

For Brad’s very cool and fun PTA series I wrote a little appreciation of—what else—INHERENT VICE

we should all build these and sell our 'smartphones' for scrap

I'm getting increasingly tickled by a colleague who insists on saying "what occurred" instead of "what happened" on a zoom call. Great choice, pal.

I want to read the Mary Robison Giants novel so badly

On this day, I find myself pondering an important question: which American writer will be the first to do the Griddy on the way to podium after winning a major award?

Wait a minute, is baseball...back?

Still open to getting matching tats of that weird saxophone plane from Barry Hannah's Airships with literally anyone.

Cracking myself up by texting, "How about that Sabrina Carpenter?" to everyone in my contacts.

Awful time to be alive but truly an amazing time to be a hater

The Pulitzer Prize, presented by FanDuel

The "trend" of podcasters adding video on Spotify? Don't like it. Fellas, we do NOT need to see you in the unforgiving gaze of cinematic lighting.

I've spent the past few months reporting a feature on the rise and fall of casual dining chains. These 20th century juggernauts are struggling as the middle class's fortunes falter and Americans are turning away from dining rooms. How did this happen? 1/ www.nytimes.com/2025/04/04/d...

I'm being forced to attend a neighborhood picnic today. I plan to alienate myself from everyone I meet by claiming I'm an alpinist any time I'm asked "So what do you do?"

I endured a neighbor explaining to me (for the second time) the cleverness of his new dog's name: Garrison Heeler. This is love and tolerance in action.

Shushing others in public? I love it. www.nytimes.com/2025/04/01/m...

We gotta bring this back. Much more fun to be online.

I wrote about the latest wave of tired adults (us) discovering their freezer. Move over tinned fish, it's time for frozen scallion pancakes and ice cube trays full of pesto www.theatlantic.com/culture/arch...

Preorder this or I'll egg your house.

This is a BANGER of a lineup. Keret and Tar Heels legend Adam O'Fallon Price in the same TOC? Incredible.

Just remembered a classic prank from 2007: when my friends left their computers unlocked, I'd delete their Pandora stations and create a new one based on the music of Puddle of Mudd, Drowning Pool, and Static-X.

Chilling report: an unprecedented amount of men were gifted podcasting equipment this past week.

The older I get, the more I enjoy novels characterized as "sprawling."

I have a huge deadline today, so of course I spent the first two hours of my morning ranking short stories that feature dogs: 1. Dog Heaven, Stephanie Vaughn 2. The Lady with the Little Dog, Chekhov 3. The Chain, Toby Dubs 4. Gurov in Manhattan, Ehud Havazelet 5. Mastiff, JCO

ARLM (Always Read Lincoln Michel)

Last month, I fell down an absolutely bizarre rabbit hole trying to figure out who was ripping off articles from Oregon journalists. What I found was identity theft, plagiarism and an absolutely terrifying future for local journalism led by AI scammers. My latest:

I've been terribly sick the past few days, so of course I've entertained myself by hiding a bluetooth speaker in the living room to play "Still Ill" by The Smiths and random intervals until my family starts pleading for it to stop.

I was feeling fine going into therapy until I noticed my therapist was wearing her a shirt that said "____ High School Podcast Department" and now I'm in crisis.

Everyone always talks about the realists of the 80s, but the ones that emerged in the 90s (Thom Jones, Edward P. Jones, Charles D'Ambrosio, Jean Thompson, etc.) go so much harder.

Thinking about one of the Important Questions today.* *Which 20th century writer would be most likely to have gotten a "Why so Serious?" Joker tattoo if they were alive now.

Was surprised to learn that in Tobias Wolff's Art of Fiction interview, he said "Bullet to the Brain" came to him after seeing Korn's music video for "Freak on a Leash." Fascinating!

This wiki photo from Christopher Abbott has incredible "sending photo to blind date right before we meet at Applebee's" energy.

Back on my bullshit today: listening to Fugazi, reading Kevin Canty, wondering how the third brother fell so far off the path (plays in Ted Leo and the Pharmacists).

Now that someone's finally invited me to this thing, I can finally enact God's Plan (posting about Korn three times a day).

[After three hours of brainstorming first post]: Hi, I'm Jonathan Franzen, welcome to Jackass.