Sketch idea: Greg Bovino grows out a mustache to go into hiding but he can only grow a Hitler mustache

Can’t believe we’re gonna do a new forever cause of how much our dumb president hates windmills

If Trump’s gonna keep falling asleep at meetings he should at least have the decency to show up to work in Scrooge-style pajamas. ‘Tis the season, ya sleepy bitch

Can’t imagine Jack White and Eminem having a conversation. Like what does Eminem know about taxidermy and the crank based innovations of the early 20th century?

“There’s too much fuckin shit on me”

Zohran wooed Trump by promising to bring Cats back to Broadway.

They voted to release the Epstein Files but not like Zack Snyder’s Epstein Files

In my 40s looking at the price of Geese tickets and weeping for 20 somethings. I saw The Strokes and White Stripes together for $40 at a similar point in their career.

Knicks are undefeated with Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani

Now all the “never going to NYC if that man gets elected” have to stay in their shitty towns that can’t even sustain a single M&M Megastore

Knew it was over for him when I saw someone wearing a “Cuomosexuals for Mamdani” shirt

It’s the Michael Rapapocalypse

Cuomo and Michael Rappaport gonna leave New York City like “who’s coming with me?!”

“Boomers are voting early in droves, which is bad news for Mamdani.” Meanwhile, these are the boomers

This is what bands that got one 8.3 from Pitchfork look like when they reunite

Imagine caring about whatever comes next when you read “Bill Maher has endorsed…”?

I don’t mind if AI is trained using my memories and my knowledge, but my vibe is sacred

Tylenol might’ve made you autistic, but you make life AUTASTIC!

They said Trump would have a chilling effect but this shit doesn’t seem chill at all

Let this be a lesson: you can hang out with Greg Gutfeld trying to appease the right and the president will still try to get you fired

No one even names their kid Barton anymore

Superchunk and Supergrass are both in NYC today so it might go down like this

In other news: as an indie rock guy this Wordle erasure a couple days ago really pissed me off

Sadly Donald Trump’s supporters will never admit that he’s dead

Anthony Atamanuik is about to have the wildest offer of his career

🤞🏼

Make Apparitions Great Again

Uncle Boonmee who can recall his past lives and was there to wish Taylor and Travis well

Anyone else notice if you look too closely at Trump’s hand bruise the Mulholland Drive dumpster lady appears???

When it comes to the Lana/Ethel feud I’m withholding judgment until Phoebe Bridgers weighs in

Mamdani, under the bus, still smiling: “For the record, this bus will be free when I’m mayor, while Jeffries has taken hundreds of thousands of dollars from real estate lobbyists” <fist-bumps emergency rescue team and lets them take a selfie with him half crushed under the bus’ wheel>

Taylor Swift was originally gonna call the album Showgirls (1995) dir: Paul Verhoeven

The ghost of Gallagher is gonna be haunting the Kennedy Center looking for a posthumous award

McDonaldland orgy invite just dropped

That earthquake ain’t shit

Hard to look at this lineup and not wonder if Psychopathic Records is the world’s most insane pyramid scheme ever

Hulk Hogan found dead after lifelong battle with Hulkamania

RIP FOZZY

If his dad never went into politics Hunter Biden would’ve been an early staffer at Vice

Dirty Projectors circa 2008

When the Wordle is some word I've never heard of I don't even wanna learn what it means

I prefer the last Smurfs reboot

Andrew Cuomo helping a guy jump his car instead of helping people that ride public transportation is telling

At the movies like but this is my emotional support outside food or drink.

Not sure I can even trust the decision making capabilities of eenie meenie miney mo anymore

Stop singing and start marding!

BREAKING: In a 5 to 3 decision the Supreme Court has ruled Trump can have sex with their wives. Amy Coney Barrett recused herself stating “I don’t have a wife.”

Trying to make a point but the pollen count is high

Jeffrey Epstein’s gonna be roaming the afterlife, going from Ouija board to Ouija board naming names

It’s about to feel like Sunday on a Saturday so hard