Top 8 most brutal Elon Musk diss tweets by Joyce Carol Oates

This is amazing, I’m gonna get this tattooed on my forehead

In my latest newsletter, I show off some concept sketches for my upcoming coloring book, Rejected Superheroes. I also recount how I pissed off an entire Discord server with a 9/11 joke and discuss Zohran Mamdani’s big win in NYC while looking at some of the unexpected types of voters he won over.

Crazy #TikTok #Phototrend hack that will make you go viral

Have you ever had a TikTok pop off so hard that you end up in a throuple after?

6 cheap date ideas

Top 5 lessons the Democrats have learned from @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social's victory in NYC

Yeah that's not what I needed to happen

Frankenstein (2025) movie review

I was lucky enough to get my hands on a leaked shooting copy of the Avengers: Doomsday script, and I have read it. I take back everything that I’ve said about this movie, I think it’s going to be incredible. I have assembled the five craziest moments from this script for you all right here:

Yesterday I did a bit where I joked that I accidentally posted a video of my balls meant for my doctor on MyChart into the TikTok app instead and it is really bringing out all the galaxy-brained geniuses

The top 9 meanest comments about my junk

My cat lives a nice, comfortable life. Someone needs to save your head from that haircut, lady.

Obama’s 4 worst lies

In my latest newsletter, I recount my No Kings experience, weigh in on the discourse surrounding it and then give my review of the new Chainsaw Man movie based on the three separate times I watched it opening weekend.

I’m really worried about Michael Rapaport. I’m worried he’s going to do something drastic, he’s been posting deranged rants about a guy running for mayor of NYC. Really scary stuff, I am hoping if enough of us report his account he can be forced to get the help he desperately needs.

5 more embarrassing tattoos you didn’t realize popular politicians have

It’s my fault guys, I wished on a monkey’s paw for a progressive to run against Susan Collins in Maine

Wow this is a great review of my book, so glad someone else sees the real truth behind microplastics!

Last June, my uncle died and I collected my thoughts about him in a piece for my Substack. It's the saddest thing I've ever written and it just got featured in the latest newsletter from Write, Period. So if you haven't read it yet you should check it out:

In my first newsletter I talk about ruffling feathers while farming engagement on my Bluesky profile and recap my absolutely insane weekend where I saw Chance The Rapper live and then woke up early to run a booth at Boston’s @wickedcomiccon.bsky.social on like 4 hours of sleep.

I’m so jealous of him being able to touch his toes

More like “HelloDeath”

Update: bag has been secured

And we are live at @wickedcomiccon.bsky.social! Come out and fight me!

This Sunday I will be in booth GF113 at @wickedcomiccon.bsky.social in Boston! 10am to 5pm! I’ll be selling copies of my book “Microplastics Are Your Friends!” and a tote bag, as well as a special mystery item you’ll need to show up in person to see! Admission is FREE! Come on out!

At the Riyadh Comedy Festival, you’ll know a comic had a good set if the crowd all laughed, but it won’t be a LEGENDARY set unless they’re sent home in multiple duffle bags

That little dangling arm is so cute. I would commit war crimes for her

In the latest post on my Substack, horny alien gonzo journalist Cherk Denim remembers his dearly departed friend The Zipper.

Oh sweet my tweet that went viral during the pandemic is going viral again. I guess I really nailed it huh

I heard at that big Vatican concert last night they discovered someone in the audience was a pedophile and just moved the guy to a different part of the audience

RIP Officer Big Mac, he was killed on a routine traffic stop. So sorry, our hearts go out to his wife and the three little sliders he had at home.

To all new and aspiring young parents: No nursery library is complete without a copy of my literary masterpiece "Microplastics Are Your Friends!" on the shelf. Order your copy today (unless you want your kids to grow up and be dumb as shit.)

Hey I just wanted to interrupt your doomscrolling to let you know that you're doing a fantastic job disassociating. I could barely even tell. Very impressive, have a great day!

I heard that when Trump dies every single ICE agent is gonna shatter like the White Walkers did in the final season of Game of Thrones

Can't believe this actually worked. I will never be able to replicate the rush this gave me

What do you mean you don't want to publish the kids book I wrote about a girl who falls in love with her tapeworm??

If anyone is going to #wickedcomiccon in Boston this year please stop by my table and say nice things to me even if they aren’t true!

Being alive rules

You call it “procrastination” I call it “waiting until I’ve leveled up”

I like my libraries like I like my pornography: free use

Me clocking misspellings in someone's posts ten years ago: "haha what a moron" Me clocking misspellings in someone's posts now: "Holy shit it's a real human that didn't use AI. Good to have you on the team, friend”

Dear Amazon Prime please let me write the next James Bond movie. I’ve already started on the script.

I doomscrolled with my shirt off for like an hour last night and now every app I use is blasting me with ads for weight loss pills and shirts that shape your fat into muscles. When I first bought an iPhone a decade and a half ago my initial thought was "I can't wait for this thing to fat shame me"

Absolutely in love with this

I'm basically dead now

So it looks like the president is going to build a nuclear reactor on the moon, which means that the Netflix executive who called my script MOON CHERNOBYL "too unrealistic" now owes me an apology

When I tell publishers that I’ve been getting “some really interesting offers” what I really mean is I’ve had three separate targeted Facebook ads for different zinc supplements, each promising to make me “shoot fat loads”

I just bought a jar of anti-anxiety gummies online. Let’s see if I can replace therapy with candy!