It's a Semiurge double issue with two new installments of Madman Butterfly for your enjoyment. There's some growing up, a couple of murders, and one cosmic revelation in store for the boy detective. buttondown.com/Semiurge/arc...

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The problem is, Tiny Tim never died. His age has passed, and all the people with it. He is lonely now, tired, watching the same panics leading to waves of horrors repeat themselves time and again. He would die if he could, but Tiny Tim did NOT die, then or ever.

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Staying up to play board and card games is called burning the midnight Hoyle.

I love an 82 degree December 22nd. The lack of seasons isn't driving me insane at all.

Torment Nexus, but it's guys going "I swear I never thought the Voyeur Engine would be used for anything untoward."

Sometimes I think we'll never escape the crisis loneliness because there are just enough reasons to wonder "is all desire touched by evil?"

Wow, I just offered myself 1 trillion dollars to buy my company. If somebody else wants to get in on this, I'd act quickly. Seems pretty valuable.

With this Patriot Games business being announced, Suzanne Collins should recreate the infamous "I Told You So" Margaret Atwood photo, but with a big mug that says "I Didn't Think It Would Track That Closely, TBH"

Check out my livestreams of trees growing on YewTube

I found Jimmy Hoffa's body, btw. Been in his grave the whole time

There's nothing more important than family. That's why I have two of them, darling.

A middle-aged Tim Drake realizing he can't remember who did which speech about being too soft on criminals between Jason Todd and Azrael, leading him to question some lifestyle choices.

I put the Frosty hat on a pile of dynamite just to see what would happen, and I fear this may lead to An Event.

The best laid plans of micemen never go awry.

I took the dog to the park and there were three guys singing The Battle Hymn of the Republic and making a very large pot soup.

South African novelty Limp Bizkit cover band singing about losing their shirt investing in a godawful E.T. ripoff: 🎶 I did all for the Nukie🎶

I'm inventing the vape straw so you can hit while it sits in your pocket. The big challenge is making it so you're not firing the whole way up the tube and either getting nicotine poisoning or looking like you're a little bit on fire for the next couple of minutes.

I read through an archive of Ron Paul's old, deranged newsletters years ago, and the phrase "it's the hip-hop thing to do" from the infamous carjacking one has been rattling around in my brain ever since.

If I were president I would honor this guy I knew who would stack water bottles by flipping them onto each other rather than professionals. They get paid, he injured his back and lost his job trying it with 10 gallon water jugs. Me, I blame whoever made the wall so flimsy.

I've found a way to reduce the carbon footprint and agricultural impact of ranching by breeding cows that eat people.

I've invented alcohol that's good for you. I call it "juice."

You can trust I'm not a bot. Because I would be more consistent about where I use commas vs periods, much more consistent.

ChatJeepT, it allows you to fulfill the anti-piracy PSA dream/nightmare of being able to steal a car through the internet.

I seem to have acquired my first insane person follower. Milestone unlocked,I guess.

If you kill your brother out of jealousy, that's Abelism.

Check out my Korn cover band Ethaknol

I can hear the people sing, but it's the lyrics to Low by Flo Rida and I don't know what to make of that.

My rabbit smooched my dog on the lips and started smelling its feet today. Ah, romance.

Opening a moldy old cardboard box labeled "Adult Entertainment" and inside is an extensive vintage button collection with a card of fun facts for each.

You dig deep enough beneath the earth and you will discover that beneath all the dirt is one big potato.

What if we made a computer that could tell you your hat looked like a bitch (???)

Hamsters are just gerbils in disguise

The first 13,000ish word installment of Semiurge's alt-history horror bildungsroman about a troubled boy detective who's imaginary friends include Jesus and John Brown is out. Responses from test readers included words like "Frightening" and "Ouch" (laudatory). buttondown.com/Semiurge/arc...

Insurance has declined to cover the medication. It has taken 53 days to get a rejection.

I think a reason you see ostensibly odd bedfellows in internet legislation is there's a feeling that there should be more robust regulations, but sensible regulation is difficult to pass, so Congress members sign onto unreasonable ones because it is "something."

I am a true original thinker, you see, I reference slightly different genre films to explain the world.

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Realizing all my test readers being Christian might make the feedback on my serial fiction where an insufferable Jesus is the ambiguously imaginary friend of a character might have some effects on feedback.

Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day. Then he saw his spectacular light show phenomena burn down a forest and strike a man and dead, and he did say "Oh dear. Oh my. I seem to have made some oversights."

What is Final Destination like from Death's perspective? Is clairvoyance some sort of cosmic admin error he has to come and unkink?

If anyone knows someone who knows about tax law as applied to criminality, I have questions for them

You can tell when I am just woke up posting because it reads either like a Leo McKern character or someone they'd verbally spar with, just without the gravitas or brevity.

There is also something bleakly funny about running to the state to make your chosen bugbear go away and calling that masculine. Not exactly untrue, as feeling unduly threatened and in crises is a rather common feature of masculinity, but this does rather expose how fragile the masculine can be.

To TL;DR it: The patriarchy may remain, but modernity, in those parts of the world most benefiting from it, has made The Patriarch obsolete, which has turned its acolytes into uniquely pathetic boors.

Definitely a trend of guys who work world historically cushy jobs (hard labor free, takes place in climate controlled environments) but want to be The Hard-Handed Patriarch Who Commands Respect, and so can only retreat into petty cruelties to try and capture what they imagine the feeling to be

Rabbits are a failed prototype not meant to last long in the wilderness that somehow became very successful as a species due to sheer horniness.

Yeah, I guess I'm an extremist. I'm extremely cool, extremely fun, and I blew up a GE office with the workers still inside.