dude almost broke a hip showing how trump shit his pants.

Damnit campy

Platner can stop soliciting women asking if his penis tattoo is racist.

Erdogan is 72. Let that sink in.

So far today- Moved a washer and dryer upstairs and outside, mowed lawn, kid to swim class, hour at 2 different banks, cooked burgers. it’s beer fucking thirty.

Then the Waffle House employees beat the shit out of everybody till the cops came.

Went to play pickle ball but when I got there they told me there were no pickles. What a stupid sport. Sorry you’re not rich enough to play tennis.

Us military killed a citizen in the us. Again apnews.com/article/memp...

11 minutes is the average amount of time an american football game has actual play.

For as much as that wedding was hyped, all ive seen of it is people looking miserable when they were leaving. Hope this is the end of that influence.

France is drop kicking Paraguay players then complaining when they get touched.

I was home watching television. The uh, The exorcist was on. It got me thinking of you.

This was a much better garden wedding.

Alcohol is for the weak. Drugs are for the weekend.

Remember it’s 250 years of freedom for white men from specific religions.

PUT IT IN REVERSE TERRY!

$1 says they are waiting till after today to announce Mitchs fate.

Sounds like the university pwned a fuck ton of people tonight. Stadiums don’t pay for themselves.

Happy last day of having all your fingers day.

Out of 9 games today, 4 are blacked out.

The presidents diaper bag is attached to the nuclear football.

Two trees were involved.

Weird Al puts on an amazing concert.

Oh what am I driving you to smoke? No you’re driving me to suck the Freon out of the back of an ac unit but I’m settling for a cigarette.

Saw Jackass 5 this afternoon. it was great, bits felt shorter, but you could tell it was emotional for them.

You paid $6 for eggs but the government is getting the refund for price fixing. apnews.com/article/egg-...

Fun fact- the US has admitted to and continues to sterilize migrant detainees.

Mitch is not alive at this point right?

86% humidity and dew point of 77 means the air is water. It’s just hot water.

Honestly? theres too many good bits. But the outtakes from Young Frankenstein are my favorites. www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOjH...

Hey uh Boston-

That betting app commercial with rizzo is spot on- shut up rizzo.

Wearing my all my padres gear tomorrow to piss off the asshole cubs fans that live on my street.

Were gonna pull king after a grand slam aren't we?

Fucking pull Vasquez already.

wow, the line at Lindsey Graham's Great American Glory Hole must be really long

Dodge commercial saying they are americas most patriotic brand while being owned by Italy and marketed towards the biggest douchebags you know.

Wow people get big mad when you point out Pagliai's is a chain.

Hey @apple- check your stats people, also yes the padres fans chant ”Beat La“. Tell your dodger ass kissing announcers that.

Lets see what these yahoos have to say about Morejon.

If Jon asks you to hold his beer.............don't.

Now the announcers are talking about chicago bbq? While watching two teams from cali. Man, what the actual fuck.

Fuck listening to non Don and Mud games vs the doyers is annoying= Holy shit the padres pulled their pitcher- games over. yet doyers pulled theirs in previous inning.

They hit France intentionally.

freeman- that offer to send your kid that Tatis bobble head is still on the table.

Holy fuck. Ohtani did something other than strikeout or homer.

My grandfather would be so happy the Phillies got pitchers that are “actually worth a shit”

The grease on Marshs' hair would have sent that ball over the fence.