Goodness. #TheArchers

"Natasha's juice sounds tempting." #TheArchers

This is fucking stupid. #TheArchers

This speech could have been a text, Akram. #TheArchers

Woah woah woah. Akram's going round at 7pm? What about #TheArchers?

Imagine being able to afford to have savings. Such first world problems. #TheArchers

George: Alice, I got you this. Smirnoff is the brand you like, isn't it? #TheArchers

Listening to The War of The Worlds on BBC Sounds. It includes the line "I grew weary of the curate's ejaculations", so that's funny.

You know, I'm starting to think the fifa peace prize might not mean all that much. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Helen: We can offer you very nearly minimum wage, Akram. #TheArchers

"We need a replacement for Adam." Don't we all. #TheArchers

Akram loves everything about Bridge Farm. And there I was thinking he was one of the more sensible characters. #TheArchers

The dog just woke himself by sharply kicking himself in the face. He's now eyeing me suspiciously from the other side of the room as if this is somehow my fault.

Just been to the shop to buy a tarpaulin and some bleach. Only occurred to me on the way home that this might look a bit murdery.

It's hardly surprising when the media and politicians have deliberately whipped people into such a frenzy. The huge division and rise of racism in our society are entirely their fault. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2026...

Where's David when you need him? #TheArchers share.google/nEhUG4zcygm7...

"Don't you think he's been punished enough?" No. #TheArchers

Will doesn't want to spend time with Clarrie. She's just a little woman, there to provide food for him without thanks. No wonder George grew up to be such a twat. #TheArchers

This is completely unfair. Many of them are nazis.

We were without power from yesterday evening to an hour ago. As I boiled water on a camping stove this morning, I remembered the coffee grinding is electric. It wasn't until I was hand grinding beans with a mortar and pestle that it occurred to me that this was the desperate actions of an addict.

Woo! In your FACE everyone else! #TheArchers

Has anyone in Ambridge ever heard of health and safety legislation or a risk assessment, do you suppose? #TheArchers

"The best highland games" to have ever happened in a small village in central England doesn't sound like a terribly high bar. #TheArchers

Ladders, high winds, Tony... what can possibly go wrong? #TheArchers

Feeling adventurous, might open The Mystery Tin for tea.

Why the does this creepy fucking sex pest think anyone gives a shit about his horrible opinions? Just fuck off and die.

Bit blowy out.

I find myself irrational angry at a woman on the radio who set herself a challenge of reading a book from every country in a year. Like, yeah, I'd love to read a book every other day but we don't all have the privilege of having the time. Most of us have to work.

"You've really Ruthed that up, Will." #TheArchers

Are there any words which strike fear into the hearts of Radio 4 listeners more than 'new comedy'? #TheArchers

The Salt Path scandal must have hit her acting career.

Just managed to slide on black ice, go off the edge of the car, and get the front of my car well and truly stuck in a muddy rut. Luckily I found a very nice man with a landrover to pull me out.

This is truly what the interweb was invented for.

This clinches it. Esme was actually Markie in disguise this whole time. She inveigled her way into the village just to get George. This explains why no one had ever heard of her and her baffling array of accents. #TheArchers

"It's just far fetched." We've been saying that for years, Jolene. #TheArchers

Take a fucking hint and shut the fuck up, Joy. God, she's annoying. #TheArchers

George's brain scan. #TheArchers

First day back and I have to say, my new year's resolution to take more naps during the working day is going brilliantly so far.

Can you reuse the discarded clay once it's been thrown? #PotteryThrowdown

Just realised we don't own a soup set. God, I feel so common. #PotteryThrowdown

New theme tune, eh? It's no better than the old one. #PotteryThrowdown

The plot thickens. #TheArchers

Karaoke machine for a child. What cruel and unusual punishment. *makes note of present for niece* #TheArchers

Alice has never been cruel? Jolene clearly isn't a listener. #TheArchers

Every time someone says 'babe'... #TheArchers

Sounds like George is backed to his usual charming self. #TheArchers

Unrelentingly wintery.

I suppose the only good thing is that Trump will die soon.

Man, I can't believe Trump didn't get the Nobel Peace Prize.

Blimey. An actual cliffhanger. A cliffhanger in #TheArchers. What a time to be alive.