It came up in conversation yesterday that a friend of mine thought the word 'nonce' was just informal slang for stupid, and that she'd been using it like 'twit' or 'wally'. I nearly spat coffee down myself when her child knocked a cup over and she said "you silly nonce!"

You're regular reminder: Tom is in his 40s and not, as he sounds, 6. #TheArchers

Hopefully Tom gets hit in the head by a ball and dies. #TheArchers

No, Adam, what you're worried about is your inheritance. #TheArchers

Debbie! There goes the budget. #TheArchers

@ambridgeponyclub.bsky.social, can I give human antihistamines to a dog?

Why are American announcers on film adverts incapable of using ordinal indicators on dates? NO IT ISN'T COMING TO A CINEMA APRIL TWENTY EIGHT, IT'S APRIL TWENTY EIGHTH, YOU INARTICULATE HALFWIT. It really pisses me off.

You know in your teens you'd go out drinking and wake up the next day and think things like "Where am I?" "Who is this?" "Where are my trousers?" Well, now I'm middle-aged and I went to the pub last night and woke this morning to find an email telling me I'd joined the British Folklore Society.

I'm really fascinated by the mentality of the person who was so annoyed with a hotel I recently stayed in that they've written a poem. I'd quite like to write my own review of the poem.

I do not understand how he managed this, but the dog just managed to WEE IN HIS OWN FACE.

Woah woah woah, what the fuck is the point if you're not trying to win?! #TheArchers

Or maybe Chris and Rex are going to shag instead? #TheArchers

Rex is going to drive Alice and Chris back together. #TheArchers

Can't wait to hear them try to persuade Brian to go to the doctor... #TheArchers

My wife is away for a few days but just sent me a message which read "You've got the day off, YOU'D BETTER BE RELAXING!"

I complained to Spotify about horrible AI generated ads where charlatans claim that they can heal all your ailments by talking to angels, or some such bollocks. Apparently though, exploiting vulnerable people with false promises doesn't violate their terms.

Good to see Rishi Sunak bringing the same level of skill and intelligence to his new job as he did to being in government. He now works for an AI firm and his first marketing master stroke is to tell everyone it is taking their jobs. share.google/qOJBu3H4Kx9g...

Maybe Adam and McStereotype will do a swap? Adam can croft and get mistake for a piece of rock by the locals, Finn can manage Home Farm and suffer Helen. #TheArchers

I am of an age where I always feel the need to hold up my debit card to show the person behind the till when buying something. Even though in the last 5 years I've probably used cash like 3 times, it is so ingrained into and I can't stop.

Rex, welcome to dumpsville, population: you. #TheArchers

When is this wedding? She might have plans. #TheArchers

Soph? That's not very #TheArchers. She should be called Squiffy Dingbry or something.

I think you enabled her, Chris. Mostly through stupidity. #TheArchers

Who's this now? Actually don't tell me, I don't care. #TheArchers

Is Alice finally realising how dreadful Rex is? #TheArchers

Evening. *turns expectations down to minus eleven* #TheArchers

Old Man Gittins. Another classic Ambridge name. #TheArchers

"Dane seemed really upset." #TheArchers

Helen: Dad, I'm just here to make sure the anguses go and to see you to the new carehome I've booked you into. #TheArchers

I know Adam's acting is always pretty bad but the "BUT. YOU. PROOOOOMM-IS-ED MEEEE!" what particularly spectacular. #TheArchers

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *Deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA #TheArchers

I abandoned my lunch to let the dog out because he was whining by the door. He went straight out, lay down and went to sleep.

Rex is an awful drunk. And awful sober. Rex is awful. #TheArchers

Brian's legacy. By which he means male child. #TheArchers

Why's Chris suddenly had a 360 on his personality? Oooh, maybe he's plotting to kill Rex! #TheArchers

It never ceases to amaze me that you people have anything positive to say about any of them. #TheArchers

Please, Starmer is nothing like a Bond villain. They always have a very clear plan which they enjoy explaining at length.

Hard to believe that until we adopted him five months ago this spoilt dickhead had only ever lived in outside in a kennel.

I think I quite like Bluesky not working. It's very relaxing.

"I want to show Lottie the beavers." "Does Stella know?" #TheArchers

@actualnames.bsky.social, software developer Dick Pick. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pick_op...

It would be bad enough having Rex turn up if you were expecting him. #TheArchers

So they're paying Bert by the week then. #TheArchers

Had long do we suppose until an American dissolution of the monasteries, with Trump installing himself as supreme leader of The Church of America?

Good of Azra to quarify the purpose of wheelchairs. #TheArchers

I already didn't give a shit about whoever the woman with the same voice as Alice is, but added to this I now think she's a blithering idiot. #TheArchers

Why is Alice a doctor's receptionist? #TheArchers

I find #TheArchers negativity impacts my mental health...

Very disappointing. Please sign.

I feel I should jump out my hotel window on principle.