Matt
@mattukernow.bsky.social
📤 729
📥 476
📝 6129
Arboriculturist in Cornwall. Mostly here for
#TheArchers
. You've been warned.
It came up in conversation yesterday that a friend of mine thought the word 'nonce' was just informal slang for stupid, and that she'd been using it like 'twit' or 'wally'. I nearly spat coffee down myself when her child knocked a cup over and she said "you silly nonce!"
about 5 hours ago
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You're regular reminder: Tom is in his 40s and not, as he sounds, 6.
#TheArchers
about 18 hours ago
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Hopefully Tom gets hit in the head by a ball and dies.
#TheArchers
about 18 hours ago
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No, Adam, what you're worried about is your inheritance.
#TheArchers
about 19 hours ago
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Debbie! There goes the budget.
#TheArchers
about 19 hours ago
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@ambridgeponyclub.bsky.social
, can I give human antihistamines to a dog?
about 21 hours ago
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Why are American announcers on film adverts incapable of using ordinal indicators on dates? NO IT ISN'T COMING TO A CINEMA APRIL TWENTY EIGHT, IT'S APRIL TWENTY EIGHTH, YOU INARTICULATE HALFWIT. It really pisses me off.
about 24 hours ago
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You know in your teens you'd go out drinking and wake up the next day and think things like "Where am I?" "Who is this?" "Where are my trousers?" Well, now I'm middle-aged and I went to the pub last night and woke this morning to find an email telling me I'd joined the British Folklore Society.
1 day ago
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I'm really fascinated by the mentality of the person who was so annoyed with a hotel I recently stayed in that they've written a poem. I'd quite like to write my own review of the poem.
2 days ago
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I do not understand how he managed this, but the dog just managed to WEE IN HIS OWN FACE.
2 days ago
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Woah woah woah, what the fuck is the point if you're not trying to win?!
#TheArchers
3 days ago
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Or maybe Chris and Rex are going to shag instead?
#TheArchers
add a skeleton here at some point
3 days ago
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Rex is going to drive Alice and Chris back together.
#TheArchers
3 days ago
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Can't wait to hear them try to persuade Brian to go to the doctor...
#TheArchers
3 days ago
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My wife is away for a few days but just sent me a message which read "You've got the day off, YOU'D BETTER BE RELAXING!"
3 days ago
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I complained to Spotify about horrible AI generated ads where charlatans claim that they can heal all your ailments by talking to angels, or some such bollocks. Apparently though, exploiting vulnerable people with false promises doesn't violate their terms.
3 days ago
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Good to see Rishi Sunak bringing the same level of skill and intelligence to his new job as he did to being in government. He now works for an AI firm and his first marketing master stroke is to tell everyone it is taking their jobs.
share.google/qOJBu3H4Kx9g...
loading . . .
AI is already leading to fewer jobs for young people, says Sunak
The former prime minister said graduates' concerns about getting entry-level jobs are justified.
https://share.google/qOJBu3H4Kx9gpJost
3 days ago
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Maybe Adam and McStereotype will do a swap? Adam can croft and get mistake for a piece of rock by the locals, Finn can manage Home Farm and suffer Helen.
#TheArchers
4 days ago
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I am of an age where I always feel the need to hold up my debit card to show the person behind the till when buying something. Even though in the last 5 years I've probably used cash like 3 times, it is so ingrained into and I can't stop.
4 days ago
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Rex, welcome to dumpsville, population: you.
#TheArchers
5 days ago
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When is this wedding? She might have plans.
#TheArchers
5 days ago
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Soph? That's not very
#TheArchers
. She should be called Squiffy Dingbry or something.
5 days ago
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I think you enabled her, Chris. Mostly through stupidity.
#TheArchers
5 days ago
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Who's this now? Actually don't tell me, I don't care.
#TheArchers
5 days ago
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Is Alice finally realising how dreadful Rex is?
#TheArchers
5 days ago
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Evening. *turns expectations down to minus eleven*
#TheArchers
5 days ago
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Old Man Gittins. Another classic Ambridge name.
#TheArchers
6 days ago
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"Dane seemed really upset."
#TheArchers
6 days ago
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Helen: Dad, I'm just here to make sure the anguses go and to see you to the new carehome I've booked you into.
#TheArchers
6 days ago
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I know Adam's acting is always pretty bad but the "BUT. YOU. PROOOOOMM-IS-ED MEEEE!" what particularly spectacular.
#TheArchers
7 days ago
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *Deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#TheArchers
7 days ago
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I abandoned my lunch to let the dog out because he was whining by the door. He went straight out, lay down and went to sleep.
7 days ago
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Rex is an awful drunk. And awful sober. Rex is awful.
#TheArchers
8 days ago
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Brian's legacy. By which he means male child.
#TheArchers
8 days ago
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Why's Chris suddenly had a 360 on his personality? Oooh, maybe he's plotting to kill Rex!
#TheArchers
8 days ago
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It never ceases to amaze me that you people have anything positive to say about any of them.
#TheArchers
add a skeleton here at some point
8 days ago
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reposted by
Matt
Tom Freeman
9 days ago
Please, Starmer is nothing like a Bond villain. They always have a very clear plan which they enjoy explaining at length.
add a skeleton here at some point
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Hard to believe that until we adopted him five months ago this spoilt dickhead had only ever lived in outside in a kennel.
9 days ago
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I think I quite like Bluesky not working. It's very relaxing.
10 days ago
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"I want to show Lottie the beavers." "Does Stella know?"
#TheArchers
10 days ago
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@actualnames.bsky.social
, software developer Dick Pick.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pick_op...
12 days ago
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It would be bad enough having Rex turn up if you were expecting him.
#TheArchers
12 days ago
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So they're paying Bert by the week then.
#TheArchers
12 days ago
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Had long do we suppose until an American dissolution of the monasteries, with Trump installing himself as supreme leader of The Church of America?
12 days ago
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Good of Azra to quarify the purpose of wheelchairs.
#TheArchers
13 days ago
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I already didn't give a shit about whoever the woman with the same voice as Alice is, but added to this I now think she's a blithering idiot.
#TheArchers
13 days ago
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Why is Alice a doctor's receptionist?
#TheArchers
13 days ago
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I find
#TheArchers
negativity impacts my mental health...
13 days ago
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Very disappointing. Please sign.
add a skeleton here at some point
13 days ago
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I feel I should jump out my hotel window on principle.
14 days ago
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