Do you think Paul McCartney was like Hey Whyd You Do That after John Lennon would do one of his stupid things he did

I gotta make less penis jokes and more vagina jokes next month

Homer a real eater and you can tell this from Marge’s tall blue hair always being happy and him always searching for replacement eatables in donut and burger form

Maturing is realizing that Homer is wonderful to Bart and Lisa for them

Close your eyes. Imagine Homer is in fact the older brother to Bart and Lisa. Still believe he is a detrimental family member to them?

So if theirs baby blue that means… blue… My man😂🤝

I’m gonna stop being ironic when Covid is over

Just got out of an early screening for The Mandolorian picture, and have to admit that I’m sufficiently whelmed. Grogu (yes, he has a name other than “baby Yoda”) is an obvious bright spot in an otherwise forgettable journey. And, still no Doomsday trailer. 😒

Scientists have just confirmed that poop is the most disgustingest smell in the world, affirming the prior suspicions of most.

Two truths and a lie aiden, ready, go: I have a penis I have a vagina And I lived on mars!🤣

2020 was peak coronavirus

@jonbois.bsky.social go watch what Jo Adell just did (to the Seattle Mariners)

Gas stations in space (for space cars) would surely be fixed to asteroids, given their remote nature. The only question remaining is their placement within galactic routes. Once we solve the galactic routes things will become clearer.

I have discovered a second music theory. It will be called my music hypothesis until further testing provides credence. Today is a top 3 day in sound history.

Bo Burnham is the Quintin Tarantino of COVID

Was Biden ever a good friend to Obama?

Oooof. Giving abuser Sean Penn an award in the big old 2026 is certainly a choice 🤮🤮🤮🤮

Taking the In Memorial segment as an opportunity to go to Taco Bell and jack off myOHHHH MY GOD ITS GROGU

I’m sooo going to hell for how many times I laughed at this year’s In Memorium #oscars 😂

Funny how a 7 person band with “Black country” in the name is entirely comprised of honkys.

My dad was Jay Baruchel’s like fifth closest friend in 2016

I’ve been trying to teach my little brother Balatro for the last month, and this week (grind though it has been :/) has been one of the more rewarding weeks of my little fucking life. Feels like the tech week of our brotherhood.

I was today years old when I learned the age you turn on your birthday is the age you just completed.

Has any y’all’s seen Heat (1995)? Um, was no one gonna tell me I was missing out on picture of the f*cking century?? On top of all the mancave badassery, there’s a lesson here. It touches a part of America we have lost. Cops and robbers used to be able to sit down for coffee. To talk. To listen.

@schumer.senate.gov reach out to me bro, I just had an idea

If I was Frankenstein and my scientist father gave me a small ass dick I would would full on kill him

Groundskeeper Willie is fighting a war none of us will ever understand

These blackberries sour BUT DAMN they good! #fruitin

Still 11 months to go and I can already tell Nights by Frank Ocean is gonna be a whole ass vibe all 2k26. And nah, I don’t have depression (shout out the O.G. Prozac ;)), I just have a damn lot of empathy and understanding for that whole space. Gotta throw some sad boi shit on sometimes n jus Feel🖤

Tell me you’re a quirky dater without telling me you’re a quirky dater. I’ll go first; Past Lives is MANDATORY viewing on first link. No other way to start this thang, girl!

True Crime, you are wrong the world don’t rely on death Your ghosts haunt no house.

Iron Man is productivity, Thanos is my big cozy bed, and earth is me😂😂

just an unbelievable song

I feel a genuine and deep trauma in my bones when I see this face. Was forced to eat bowls of this while being raptured with thoughts of this man’s swamp ass. What a fucking awful snack name.

I wish we could invest in dreams, much akin to the stock market. Like the dream I had just last night, for instance, where I captained a boat along the Dead Sea unto her shore. That was a good one. Imagine if I could throw money at it, and see fiscal return upon the DREAMS return!

Sometimes I’ll think of something random, and just start laughing. Then, I’ll think of another something equally random, and form a connection between the two. That’s the when the real party gets going.

My brother who let out a fart with Lunchable top notes an hour ago is now threatening to rescind the job offer he extended to me regarding his New Type Of Restaurant because I coughed funny at his Hunter Biden impression

this is it. this was the last piece of the puzzle. i now have all i need to make a documentary that's so annoying and shitty that letterboxd turns off the ratings and reviews because they feel bad for me

The devil is sending me coded messages through old Cumtown clips and if I don’t Do It soon, my whole family will die My born-again-liberal situationship: yeah

Funnah Fayce🤣🤣😭😂😂

Does anyone know where to find the BlueSky equivalent of Gay Twitter? Oh wait - - it’s the whole damn app😂😂

That lunchables shit is made of #people

When watching AMC, it is obvious to me that Nicole Kidman doesn’t know the first thing about “heartbreak”. It could never feel good in a place like this. It could never feel good anywhere. It’s inescapable. Falling IN love or eating delicious FOOD feels good in a place like this!

Reading Carl Young be like: oh wow, yeah, that just ‘bout explains pretttttty much everything ever!

Congratu-goddamn-lations, Trump. You took out Pitchfork now, too. Music as we have known it is now caput.