@jonbois.bsky.social if the Mariners pull this off you are cosmically required to make a part 7

The world needs a cinnamon themed movie, in 2025 more than ever.

Fellow, liberals, it’s time we stop playing nice with Bernie-bro leftists. They are destroying our country and throwing our streets into chaos. It’s fight back o’clock. Start turning them away from your businesses. Start refusing the seat next to you on the bus. Start f*cking sneering.

When people used to ask me why I’m still with my wife, I truthfully had nothing. Now, I can point to this: when Trump’s terror squadron of queers 🔫ed Kimmel, she was angrier than I. She even shut our son’s water off (check your kid’s re-skys!). Perks of being on your 20-something year old’s lease😂

Sorry I’m late I took a shower immediately pooped my pants and had to take another shower

They should invent an Ulta Beauty but instead of makeup and skincare product they have lots and lots of the yummiest and most biggest cookies ever

You met me at a very anorexic time in my life

Working at Taco Bell really unlocked origami for me

I’m hearing reports that the orange disaster may have finally passed… Before anything happens I hope you all remember- the thing that makes us better than *them* is that we won’t stoop that low. We will be standing there at the funeral, clad in black, ready to mourn side by side with MAGA.

Genuinely feel in my heart that if I wanted to kidnap JD Vance I could have him in the back of a van by like Saturday afternoon

Fuck a political stance, I think we can all just come together and appreciate love on a day like this. Taylor fans know she finna cheer extra hard for her mans at every game in 25, and Trav fans know he gon’ be bumpin that album day numero de uno. #rezpect #folklore

I was f*cking in both of this. And? Truth of dare, I would dare to say: it is many times good.

one year ago today @aidenhoho.bsky.social and i finished shooting Gay Brothers (2024). we made it in three days expecting six people to see it instead of 6k(???). thank you

The constant desire to replace my bed with a hammock is peaking through extra strongly today… I would just swing-swing-swing to sleep hahaha!

Paris, you have my whole f*cking heart.

No bit or funny turn of phrase today, I just want to let you know I’m at the airport and the most viscerally angry I’ve ever been in my entire fucking life

Who else is getting really into being a visionary👀

Trying to explain to your 5’4 mom that throwing plates and silverware away is literally a clinically proven symptom of depression and anxiety<<< Side note, I was professionally diagnosed when I was 15. Doctor had to leave the room after hearing my damaging story, it was so bad.

Maturing is understanding why Robin William did that to himself in what would become his last day of life. People around you, are the audience of real life, and they will laugh at all of the jokes you tell. But, underneath the cloak, there is so much sadness. Do not let yourself ever not laugh.

Dare I say you look Dwight tonight babe💘

Waking up from a dream that takes place in 2008-2016/2020-2024 in 2025 be like: oh wow! My dream is over and I have entered a nightmare! This BlueSky is not a joke and shouldn’t be laughed at. Trump is the Bin Laden of our times. The middle class are his twin towers. We’re all f*cked.

Gen Z’s… Gen Z’s what? Gen Z’s trying to cancel Hawk Tuah? …😂😂

It’s hard being the Lena Dunham of your high school…

Been getting really into Deja Vu recently

Everyone had that one childhood friend named Rudolph Beedon’t who was quiet, chill-but-profound, chopped as shit and low-key sauced at FortNite

i tell jokes for biblical figures only. if you don't get my humor, make history.

Babe could I get notes on my BlueSky set?

I’ve been holding this one off for a while in the fear of being heteronormative, but F it. Baby gotta speak. Every young man should be using “Boy Meets World” as a sort of guiding philosophy. You (“Boy”) are gonna Meets a beautiful girl someday. And she will be your World. Trust me. It’s magic.

My bed been on Goblin mode recently. I been puttin’ together 20 hour days between these mothafuckin’ sheets!😂😂😂because it’s so hard to just get dressed and shower

There should be a corner of the room at concerts for jacking off

There should be a corner of the room at concerts for jacking off

Cash me on BlueSky how ‘bout that! #danielle

Welp, it seems as though my plan A of being a cute little caterpillar my whole life is on the fritz. Probably time I pivoted to my plan B of becoming a big beautiful butterfly.

I know, I know, it’s some total pre-Covid bullsh*t, but tell me why I’m still runnin’ some blueberry pancakes every Saturday morning? I guess I’m on my inner-child shit this year😂😂 Nah, but I’ve been hella depressed since fuckin’ lockdown. I’m just looking for love in these breakfasts.

Gonna get real for a sec: I don’t know if I’d be here without the invention of emojis. I know, it’s silly af, but let’s be real: we all have an emoji that means something special to us. Just dream on it: you can be in a garbage can, and use “🏝️”. You can be in a terrible relationship, and use “💞”.

Going to be honest: my real first and last names is not Pro + Jared. They are Aiden and Houlette. I chose this in the chase of comic fiction. If that doesn’t work for you, I understand if you wanna block and report my ass. If you like it however, pull up a chair, bc laughs are in short order!😂

Today has been major #poolvibes

Sometimes I can’t move due to the shock that every solitary stimuli imposes my wilted senses. Sometimes the sick advance this natural world makes on my bodily frontier renders me blind in fashion so final I foresee no end beyond a nightmare’s wake. Other times, I just wanna frickin party hardy!🤣

It seems like a lot of people decided to unilaterally forgive animal cruelty today…

Some kids playing loud in the street this morning. And I do mean loud - - borderline yelling. Listen. I’m all for children playing. I want every childhood to be trauma free and beautiful. But we live in reality. It’s 10:40 PST. Some of us have to work night shifts. Let’s be reasonable, kids.

I wonder if evil people have nightmares every night. I bet they do. And I bet they fucking love that.

i'm going to start commenting on videos.

The only Dylan and Cole twinhood I care to consider is the musical twinhood of Bob Dylan and Nat King Cole. But on a serious note, who else misses the fuck out of some Saturday morning Disney Channel? All those shows were peak childhood.

Life should be rooted in reason. And it is. Mostly.

Felt the need to state some ‘pinions. Just so we’re clear. Good trumps evil. ACAB. Love matters. Science is real. Everyone is equal under god, real or not. Queer people exist. Lisps are not necessarily a sign of low intellect. Be kind. No fuckwads allowed in 2025. And I’m sticking to that.

Methinks BlueSky is the most fantastically named app phone history. All other media doctrines suck in general. Instagram makes me compare myself to Greek-god bullies. Facebook and TikTok make me weep and sob. X (Twitter) makes me violent and angry. But here, there ain’t a cloud in the sky.🥹

forcing your partner to watch Sopranos cast reunions, pointing at an empty corner of the room and saying “look babe isn’t it tragic you can feel his loss hanging in the spaces between words” once every 5 mins >>>>

I’m sick and tired of wanton destruction

Truth Nuke! By 5/3/27, all of Blue Sky will understand this joke/reference