If one more person tells me to stop hating ima hate them too. I worked hard for this anger no one deserves my forgiveness. I’ve earned this anger over years of forgiving just to get fucked again and again. My anger is my salvation.

Oh the urge to drop everything and disappear to a new country

2nd trimester and I feel like I’m back in my bulimic phase except purging ain’t happening,,, just the binging

Weddings tomorrow the stress is almost over but today’s gonna be the worst of it

I think this job is going to drive me to full blown psychosis

I feel like such a failure, i have to eat to feed the growing creature in me but i feel so disgusting every time i take a bite of something. I can barely even be intimate with my fiancé because im so revolted by myself

So my boobs hurt and won’t stop growing, th wedding dress I’ve spent a YEAR making BY HAND doesn’t fit anymore so now my mom is dragging my bra and dress shopping FUCK

God shit the weddings less than 2 weeks away but at least I get a bad bunny concert tonight

Anyways had an ultrasound it’s healthy but why did I feel absolutely nothing looking at that thing on a screen??? Is something wrong with me??? My fiancé fucking teared up and all I could think was how I have to put on weight for it and almost had anxiety attack over it (my weight keeps dropping)

I miss taking my meds I felt so close to being mentally stable now I’m losing it on the daily over the tiniest shit again god I’m so volatile

Oh my god I can eat Greek yogurt again maybe god is real

My mom weighed me and got pissed I lost weight since finding out I’m pregnant. Sorry my eating disorder didn’t just vanish and sorry I’m throwing up ALL OF MY SAFE FOODS THANKS TO BABY

Oh my god why is it now that I’m eating for TWO I can’t even eat 1k without throwing up horrifically

I’m out of safe foods everything tastes like ass kill me

WHY ARE EGGS MAKING ME NAUSEOUS

Goal: doctor says I can gain 15-30lbs at my weight (for just the baby) and have a healthy pregnancy (I’m 5’7” and 155lbs now) so stay under 200 then go HAM restricting after these 9 months

This bitch is gonna have to see a nutritionist I swear I cannot for the life of me hit 2k cals TRYING for MULTIPLE DAYS IN A ROW and my maintenance is supposed to be 2.3k???

I think my ed may be an ocd cope

I feel like I’m in limbo. I’m growing a person I have to eat I’m so hungry. But it’ll all be for nothing? But I can start again I don’t have to let loose but how much is too much watching and counting I’m not trying to restrict but I can’t let the counting go

Bruh I just drank a liter of sangria I better not be pregnant that’s so not good for any bababy

So I tested positive I um can’t???

The dress can officially be tried on!!! (Had to hold it closed because I need someone else to fasten the hook eye closures) but I just have to color balance and add some final lacing and pearls

I’m so tired of being disgusted with myself

I’ve missed her all these years like a child trying to find their stuffie in the wash

I’m sorry we lost touch over the years and I’m sorry it’s because I lost it at you and never accepted your apologies when you only wanted what’s best for me. What happened was not your fault and I’m doing everything I can to get you back in my life though it know it’ll never be the same

Hey if anyone’s up and would like to talk hmu I’m always down for friends (as I have very few and my social life is crumbling)

I feel so large and bloated but my stomach is nearly flat???

Oh my god why can I never sleep on the days I don’t work

I have a yogurt in the fridge I counted in my totals but I’m afraid eating it will make me hungrier

Guys I just placed my dream grocery order, saved 75$ on my 200$ order I feel godly. Only 125$ out of my pocket on groceries

My mouth feels naked without the tongue bar

Hey yall share your top 10 musicians of the year now that December is here I wanna see something

I saw one of my moots doing this and thought it could be so fun plus it would end on New Year’s Eve prepping me for the new year so let’s gooooooo

Woke up with an upset stomach, ate a sticky bun, now I’m in excruciating pain and had to call into the first half of my shift because I can’t walk without doubling over or shitting

Why the fuck did I try to go to sleep early now it’s 4am I’ve been up an hour and my cat thinks it’s breakfast time???

I think I’m getting into a miso soup mood again

Feeling cute so not sober

Oh my god guys I’m under 160lbs it’s happening finally my plateau of the 170s is in the distance I was 159 but to the high end of that,,,

My skin is itching to see my weight

Also found out my fiancé has bpd (he also just found out) so at least I know he feels things at least to the extent I do

I love sex? A good way to burn cals, pass the time, AND a distraction from food while I suck dick and get some salt?

December 2025 This month will be spent working towards the habits I will bring into the new year, this will be my thread holding myself accountable. Hopefully this will motivate me towards my goals.

Wasn’t too bad of a day, feeling kinda fat and definitely drunk, still got a glass to nurse to keep myself that way

Guys I’m drinking too much to get back on trcak, I think it’s becoming a slight problem

God I feel like I’m getting back on track

It’s a holiday I have to keep reminding myself I did a charity walk and ate with my loved ones and the Ryan’s I should not feel guilty

Okay so post thanksgiving dinners (I had to do 2 my family and my fiancés) and the early morning 5k this is where we’re at outfit wise (changed into this after the 5k, did have to change my shirt due to a whipped cream incident when I got home) I don’t look fat right?

I’ve been averaging 1,500kcal-1,600kcal but I was on my period,,,, had one day I hit a regular amount of around 2,300kcal because I was a food vacuum. I think I’m doing okay going to 1,300kcal for today and tomorrow for the holiday to then dip down again after cause I’m already hungry at 7am???