its time to admit once and for all that we are a dogshit country run by dogshit people who are cheered on by dogshit people. to the extent there are many people who actually aren't dogshit, not only dont they matter at all, they are actively the enemy

an astoundingly bad showing from former UFC champion Jamahal Hill.

Why does Hill keep reacting to Rountree's feints when he can't defend the actual strikes anyway. Just throw punches you lummox

if you didn't know better, you'd think Hill came into this fight with no idea that Rountree was gonna kick his legs

If Rountree can sell the low kick when Hill's in southpaw, he could catch him stepping out of stance with a big punch

Bahamondes starting to do some good work behind his feints. Fiziev hanging back looking to counter, getting surprised now

Blaydes' striking continues to have no relationship to his wrestling game. Worse, perhaps, when he does get stuck striking he's got no process whatsoever. Guy has a genuinely good jab, and no idea how to win a fight with it

Really not bad as far as heavyweight fights go. Even if he doesn't get the win, Kuniev just had a strong performance against a perennially ranked big boy

Again Blaydes fires the jab and stops Kuniev in his tracks. He's got no confidence in it though. It's like he lands the jab and immediately thinks "What else?!" Just keep the stick on him, man!

Why Blaydes hasn't tried to shoot under that right hand once is beyond me. He's getting stuck now, not using his jab nearly enough. Can't figure out how to set up a shot

If Blaydes just sticks to that jab he'll completely avoid a lot of the dangerous left hands Kuniev has been sending his way. Man keeps trying to mix it up when he really doesn't have to

Just waiting for Blaydes to get into trouble, but so far he's striking pretty well. Used the level change to score a stiff up-jab a moment ago

Instant takedown for Blaydes, but Kuniev did a good job getting back to his feet. How many times can he do that, though

We need American fighters to start donning culturally significant hats when they win. What about Rountree and Hill. What would be the hats for Vegas and Grand Rapids, Michigan

Translator too busy straightening his bowtie to listen to Bisping's questions

Musayev kept clinging to that headlock. Orolbai simply grabbed the wrist, stripped the lock away, and ripped his arm off

A nice counter right landed by Musayev, but Orolbai comes straight back in, catches a kick and finishes with a knee tap/punch combo. Straight to side control, straight to the kimura. That's that

Two things that set UFC competition apart from most other orgs: size relative to weight class, and pace. Expectation here was that Musayev would not be prepared to handle Orolbai's UFC-tier pace, and so far that's looking like an accurate call

Phenomenal brawl. Sadykhov gets it down with a four punch combination, dropping off to the left as he puts a short right hook through Motta's chin. Oof

Insane first round. Sadykhov needs to keep this at range, rely on his kicks and his straight shots. Motta is an animal in the pocket, but he's lost at distance

These are not bad fighters, but this has been a shit fight. Neither guy has shown any real ability to implement a winning strategy. Flat line, all the way through

Naimov is a faster, harder hitting, more accurate striker. But time and again he lets Grad close the distance and pin him to the fence because he's got no jab, and responds to every threat by leaping straight back Not good

Naimov vs Grad stats as of minute 2 of round 2 Number of jabs thrown: 0 Number of wheel kicks thrown: 3

Ulanbekov coming back like a madman in the final 30 seconds! Clinch elbows! 1-2-1-2 combos right in the pocket! What a finish to a damn good fight!

Some savage short shots from Maksum in the clinch! Uppercut picks up Ulanbekov's chin, left hook snaps it off

Ulanbekov needs to forget the wrestling. It's only tiring him out, and he's been plenty effective at range. Problem is, I think the shot transition is fully built into his punching mechanics

Maksum is using his jab well, though. If you're built to be a rote puncher, the least you can do is keep that jab working

Maksum a much more mechanical puncher than Ulanbekov. Keeps overshooting and running into counters. Tagir's just reading his rhythm and sneaking in between the beats

BREAKING: Baku Crystal Hall arena hit by 'wayward' B-2 bomber. UFC Baku canceled. Administration officials say strike was 'honest mistake... seriously I could've sworn Baku was in Iran'

Heavy Hands listeners: it looks like there won't be an episode this week. A power surge seems to have killed my computer. I'll get to replacing whatever I need to and hopefully the pod will be back next week. Sorry everyone!

New episode of Heavy Hands up, and before 9pm EST too! Talking Volkanovski's return, Pimblett's new peak, and Bryce Mitchell losing a war on multiple fronts. Make sure to stay till the end for a special in memoriam youtu.be/SLmpYZJjYGA?...

Beep beep I don't wanna beep I ate that bullet like it was a vitamin Three sheets to the wind Don't give your enemies anything remember when people used to post song lyrics on social media. I'm back baby

"you don't need treats" Suddenly all the Roma Invicta guys don't know about bread and circuses huh

note to self: burn the shoes

Fascinating how useless this tool is

mfw my enemies are being crushed, I'm seeing them driven before me, and hearing the lamentation of their women

Umar would really benefit by going to the body. Even if it is actually impossible to wear Merab out (it isn't), that's free real estate

This is unbelievable. Umar Nurmagomedov is so, so good, but Merab doesn't have an ounce of quit in him

Fuck ME that was awesome. That is the only acceptable kind of light heavyweight fight

Fucking hell. When you see Prochazka landing right hands like that, you just realize A) Jamahal Hill has a hell of a chin, and B) Alex Pereira hits EXTREMELY hard

Genuinely some nice head movement and counter punching by Jiri Prochazka!

It was very generous of Dana to let that guy have nearly 30% of the screentime in his own video

Raoni, you dog...

So many phenomenal takedown finishes by Barcelos in this fight, man. Those layers are poison for an inexperienced fighter

WHAT A THIRD ROUND THIS IS

Talbott just doesn't have the layers to his takedown defense!

Barcelos absolutely cooking Talbott in the first round. Has all the makings of a classic prospect loss, but I wouldn't count the MMAcauley Culkin out yet

The 2024 Handies are here at last! All your old faves are back, plus a few new twists--so many Handies it's a pain in the wrist! Singing! Comedy! Glue! Don't miss it! YT: youtu.be/O3J-4KM1V-E?... Pod: heavyhands.libsyn.com/555-the-2024...