professors in office hours, how long do you sit on zoom before it's a no-show?

so he bruises like a fucking papaya is the explanation

Too late in life to realize this my dream job is whatever this is

when i got my current job i told several people that this was my "dream job" and today i'd like to update everyone with the news that i no longer dream about jobs

med students, do they teach you how to gaslight patients at school or is it a talent you have to demonstrate to get in?

apologies to dpsht, who turns out is an actual lofin artist

why are lofi tracks on Spotify like Mahogany Sunrise by DpSht and P3nisMunc4

there is so much to worry about everywhere but also please when you send me a link to your draft for feedback do not keep working on the draft while i'm reading it to provide the feedback, go to the park or something

parenting an infant is just doing whatever the white ladies on instagram tell you to do

i'm grieving for the people Kirk hated more than ever today

like many, i presume a man wants to be remembered for the things he said during his lifetime, having deemed them fit to say meer moments before he died

wild that people are getting penalized for just posting things he literally said

me: here is a picture of your grandchild dad: here is a phishing scam fwded 3,478 times on whatsapp

everyone thinks i love to shower but i just love going to places where it's impractical to talk to me and showers are incredibly accessible for this purpose

turning my AC down to 73° and whispering sorry Greta

the tall urge to take two steps at a time but the aging tendency for blurred vision

old white people love to just get on an elevator and yell a number

i don't think my kid is going to be into math because he's a Leo and his dads are gay

i befriended a cat i thought was a stray and named her Mayonnaise then she turned up with a collar and now I'm concerned her owners are dead naming her so I'm going to put a tag on her collar that says MAYONNAISE in all caps and if they replace that I'll just keep getting bigger ones

i feel like at this point all spacefaring spec fic is utopian bc let's face it we're never going to make it past the moon before we fry

my husband caught me talking in my sleep and i was too ashamed to tell him i was yelling at starbucks employees for closing before their posted hours

i have many pounds of blueberries i keep in a short child

stfu

really can't with you cute stubbly white guys with your blurry little video ads for your little startup that makes the perfect little glasses or perfect little laundry sheet go to hell the world is on fucking fire

why are all humidifier instructions like "wash thoroughly with water every day" but also "never allow water to touch any part of the machine or you get the skin and sinuses you deserve"

i had an 8 pound baby and a 4 pound tumor around the same time and which friends want to see which pictures has been a reassuringly predictable reveal

i don't post want-to-reads on goodreads because what if it's bad and you judge me

let's take PRIDE in being on TIME this SUMMER

lgbts can we as a community just agree to be on time

After the tearful video of Tiny Chef learning of his show's cancelation went viral, the show's creators look to crowdfunding to continue.

i hate summer i would switch hemispheres every 6 months if i was a baroness

someone at the library just asked if I'm my kid's grandfather 🪦

reading reviews for home stuff is so funny, how is it so many people named Dave don't know how shower curtains work and go online to give it one star because it "doesn't come with the rod and it blows into the shower and sticks to me when i turn on the water"

i just mounted an enormous pride flag on my house, trying to inspire others on the street until it's a hate crime not to have one

i'm going to a two-year-old's birthday party and i asked what he likes and this basic ass little bitch said Mickey Mouse

this is my pride post

one time i ran to my car in a Grand Canyon parking lot and a woman scolded me for running and i didn't know why so i said what's your problem? bc i hate being scolded by randoms then a rutting mule deer nearly stomped me to death so I revised my stance, l will listen if ur a lesbian in a khaki vest

my new morning routine is tuning in for the 9am live chat hour on the Friends of Big Bear Bald Eagle Cam youtube channel specifically for the first few seconds the chat is activated and a handful of boomers immediately post the original poems they wrote overnight and had locked and loaded

you know that thing where a chapter in a novel ends with a character saying "Trust me, this is going to work" and then the first sentence in the next chapter is another character saying "This is not going to work," i think that's really fun

this is how university deans speak to students

you might think the moment your child is born is when you officially bid farewell to your previous life and its comforts but turns out no, the real death rattle is when you barricade your cozy sectional with an octagonal infant correctional facility and drink your morning coffee on the gym mat

my friend is sad i don't respond to the memes he sends me but they are videos and i don't like videos, I'm too tired, please send unmoving pictures only

the boomers on the baby eagle cam chat keep calling her "gizom"

was it about bi animal erasure, who knows

desperately trying to remember what i said that got me blocked by openlygayanimals on instagram

i was feeding my kid in my car in the IKEA parking lot and observed 3 instances of men opening the passenger side door for the women they were with?? in 2025?? is this Grease??? are you afraid she like. won't get in????

They blame pollution but cut the EPA and clean air and water regulations. They blame poor nutrition but cut SNAP and programs to bring local produce to schools. They blame increased screen time while destroying public infrastructure that connects people. All while they take millions off healthcare.

husband: be careful on campus today me: will do husband: don't say something you'll regret, you didn't have tenure me: so right husband: things are volatile and you'll have the baby with you me: absolutely ... me: have you seen the onesie with the burning cop car?

their baby registry is the Mississippi River