guys i just realized I've had a crush on chef Bobby Flay for 30 years

also: no, and i am

It Happened To Me: a student asked if I'm ok, i look tired (I'm just old)

the way university administrators pit staff and faculty against each other, and reward this dynamic, is really, really bad

i had not been following the news today, so it was incredibly jarring to open the Internet and immediately see the photo of Mamdani at the oval office, my immediate question was what is AI doing on the front pages of the nytimes

my life's chronology of poetic themes and maybe yours: cats deaths of cats cats with powers pining (no cats) sex (def no cats) relationships (they're like a cat) break ups (no cats again) metaphysical (cats, but are they?) parenting (all prior cats) aging (nature, cats implied)

the juxtaposition would be ironic if it wasn't so utterly consistent

in San Diego the radio station that switches to 24/7 Christmas music for over a month every year is the only station on which I've heard the disgusting Kristi Noem ICE recruitment ad

not that anyone has accused me of kidding, but I'm not

i was very confused about which of the 8 kids at day care is Nolan until the Thanksgiving sign-up sheet revealed that there are 3 Nolans. that's a 37.5% incidence of Nolan among children aged 1-4.

i regret to inform my moral upright self that my morally ambivalent self has gone to the Just Walk Out supersurveillance convenience store on campus 3 times now for the daily little can of cola i should be boycotting :(

there has to be some kind of conspiracy among the top brass to make Target as icky as possible one memo at a time

if i said "i just ate my morning bratwurst" how does that make you feel

hernia repair is like wearing Spanx on the inside

"i can't imagine what that would smell like historically speaking, I'm so ruined by the modern accessibility of soap" -evergreen reflection on my historical gay romance discord

do you guys still think about the yak milk in Prince's refrigerator sometimes

I ruined this workplace and I’d do it again

cuntocratic slaycialism

if i ever write a tv show there will be a scene where a 17-year-old twink side character is trying to get the wifi password at a funeral and no one will give it to him

set county results to Richmond for a lil laugh

"More than 60 professors and others up and down the state say they are suppressing their work and feel anxious about causing political problems for their campus, or that their own teaching will lead to hostility against themselves. Some say it’s already happened." www.sfchronicle.com/california/a...

when i eat string cheese i just bite right into because i'm an adult

microwaving those gel heat packs is terrifying

telling people "i'll ask Google Gemini" to check their vibe

do we know any nice guys named Dick? just wondering for no reason

people want to get rid of DST even though i'm a dad who got a full extra hour of sleep, so what if we just only fall back, every year. sure every 12 years we've reversed night and day completely but it's a small price to pay for slightly longer shower

i love how Miyazaki movies will cast like Nicole Kidman as a mouse who doesn't speak until she turns human for two sentences at the end

bay leaves are such a funny Ingredient bc you'd sound super weird if you were like "i can't make this, i'm out of bay leaves" unless you're a witch

This article quotes the university president saying Lia was on the women's swimming and diving team, but she's not on this year's roster on their athletic department website. The NCAA banned her from being on the team when Trump first took office.

when you're going to rob the French, do it Germanly

this is scary news but also of course they would end up with the most Björk-ass looking species

sometimes you meet someone and you just know they're the kind of person who does all those little exercises with the signs at the park

friends without kids: what's that magazine rack thing he's on parent: it's called a Pikler it's for falling off of and crying

it's kind of hard to explain but i have just one straight friend and he's gay

Don't engage. Just block. They want to push their rage bait on here. Don't give them the satisfaction. bsky.app/profile/did:...

i officially can no longer tell you the state or historical figure that is represented on the back of a quarter without my readers

professors in office hours, how long do you sit on zoom before it's a no-show?

so he bruises like a fucking papaya is the explanation

Too late in life to realize this my dream job is whatever this is

when i got my current job i told several people that this was my "dream job" and today i'd like to update everyone with the news that i no longer dream about jobs

med students, do they teach you how to gaslight patients at school or is it a talent you have to demonstrate to get in?

apologies to dpsht, who turns out is an actual lofin artist

why are lofi tracks on Spotify like Mahogany Sunrise by DpSht and P3nisMunc4

there is so much to worry about everywhere but also please when you send me a link to your draft for feedback do not keep working on the draft while i'm reading it to provide the feedback, go to the park or something

parenting an infant is just doing whatever the white ladies on instagram tell you to do

i'm grieving for the people Kirk hated more than ever today

like many, i presume a man wants to be remembered for the things he said during his lifetime, having deemed them fit to say meer moments before he died

wild that people are getting penalized for just posting things he literally said

me: here is a picture of your grandchild dad: here is a phishing scam fwded 3,478 times on whatsapp

everyone thinks i love to shower but i just love going to places where it's impractical to talk to me and showers are incredibly accessible for this purpose