Watching The Boys From Brazil It is Ira Levin so absolute nonsense and not very well Larry Olivier doing an Austrian accent is tiresome to follow, so luckily Gregory Peck's absurd Joseph Mengele saves the day. The finale of two old gits fighting is fun, but its take on nature/nurture is laughable

Watching Code Of The West A superior B-Western whose poster buries the lede:a fiendish land magnate badguy performance from Raymond Burr. There's so much homoerotic energy between heroes Bob and Chito that they have to pair them up with two women at the end, but you know it's just double bearding

What's brown and sticky? I have 32 punchlines depending on the situation.

Watching Sister Dating Swap She's a record producer in Minneapolis who needs a break Her sister is a small town kook just dumped by her boyfriend So they swap houses for a week (it's strictly Sister House Swap), and for convenience sake fall for the first men they see.2 Hallmarks for the price of 1

Watching Ninja 3: The Domination She is a lineman for the county,an aerobics instructor and oh - possessed by an evil ninja.Despite her stupid cop boyf her evil ninja side is committed ACAB.Lucinda Dickey plays it totally straight thru dry ice laser possession scenes elevates this to high art

Watched The Man Who Watched Trains Go By A rather low key Georges Simenon thriller whipped into high intensity by a great Claude Rains performance who totally understands how to let his factotum have a taste of adventure that seduces him thoroughly into his own downfall. Rather good fun

Watching We Broke Up Aya Cash and William Jackson Harper have been going out for ten years, but break up the day before her sister's wedding.Both very involved, they pretend to still be together. A classic romcom set-up, played miserably.Kudos for taking it seriously,but does end up a bit depressing

Watching High Road To China Flat as a pancake Raiders rip-off,which has a game Tom Selleck as a bouzing flying ace teaming with an heiress aviatrix to find her Dad before being disinherited.Some derring-do,and nice flying footage but the energy is all off and Brian Blessed in brownface don't help

Watching Deadly Friend Wes Craven wanted to make a dark romance, albeit one about reviving the corpse of a teen girl by putting a microchip in her brain. Side effects to robotising her are superhuman strength, murderous intent and much blue eyeshadow. Studio insisted on more gore, tonally all wrong

Watching The Wizard Of Speed And Time A fictional making of the short of the same name is frenetic and often fun, but never breaks past its slapstick origins, sped up film aesthetic and the problem of star, director and FX whizz Mike Jittlov coming across as a bit creepy in his green pacamac

Very suspicious that this Aston Villa win is some kind of mass hallucination. Where are the Nigel Kennedy stories?

Watching Xeno Came because I like Lulu Wilson in Pizza Movie and she's great in this dust bowl hard-nosed re-run of ET where she discovers the alien who helps her come of age whilst much nastier g-men are after her. Second hand story, first class execution. Real heft in peril and emotions

Watching Modern Persuasion It's Jane Austen's Persuasion, but Modern.Not like the Persuasion that Dakota Johnson was in which was also Modern. Instead this tries to morph the plot of the original into a tale about tech startups and marketing. Witt is always sparky but too much net slang doesn't help

quote with a fictional band that is not spinal tap

Watching Love At Lookout Lake She's a gossip writer trying to find out the Identity of the pseudonymous writer living in her old home town of Lookout Lake He's her first love who is a handyman in her old town trying to help her find the author... Hmm, I wonder who the writer really is.

Watching Until Dawn An initially intriguing premise - a horror movie Groundhog Day where different kinds of horror movies attack each night, is scuppered by largely uninteresting characters and a slow closing down of the premise. Could have been The Cabin In The Wood. Is The Cabin Is No Good

Watching Demon Fighter aka Orchids of Midnight aka Night Orchid aka Thirteen Moon Sword aka Lone Ninja Warrior aka Faster Blade Poisonous Darts. Bonkers Taiwanese wuxia that moves from rather beautiful fx experimentation to brutal martial arts in a second, though its plot is incompressible

The genuine look of disappointment on my Mum's face when you offer her biscuits and there isn't a broken one for her to be a martyr over is heartbreaking (and these days easily resolve with a moment's planning)

Watching Arco Beautifully made, VERY French anime where Arco from the FAR future(humans live in the clouds)accidentally flies back in time to the near future(environment shonky, kids brought up by robots)and can't get back. Twee, but pretty and then suspensefully dark with only a mild amount of hope

Watching Kokuho Japanes best selleri movie where a kid is orphaned into a Kabuki apprenticeship after his family are all killed. Then we don't see the Yakuza again. Instead it becomes a lifelong battle between apprentice and son to follow the kabuki master. Melodrama spirals out of control in hour 3

Pick a Bond from the photos you already have in your phone

Watching Normal This really is a terrible name for a film, particularly one that has the same star as a film called Nobody

Watching Obsession Nasty take on The Monkey's Paw where an insecure but smitten guy wishes for his crush to love him. Its consent metaphor isn't subtle, and it takes too long to get going, but it is brutal and brilliantly done, with a run through of possible endings before it gets it horribly right

Watching The Christophers A brilliant little acting masterclass from Michaela Coel, reacting and holding her nerve around a verbose Ian McKellan in this art heist/forgery two hander which Soderbergh shoots always with an eye on who the smartest person in the room os (often Coel).

Watching Pizza Movie Two college students take a mystery drug and have to eat pizza before the sixth side effect kicks in (being chainsawed up the bum by their biggest fear). A very silly, but very funny comedy that makes zero sense and they don't care. They also admit how terrible the title is

Discovering there's a tier below "As Seen on TV"

Watching Dracula 3000 Reducing the original into a rip off of Alien without anything scary (Coolio as a vampire is scarier than Dracula), and replacing plot with spot the reference. But Erika Eleniak does get to say 'Transylvania is a planet in the remote Carpathian system, inhabited by vampires...'

holy shit they bred ant and dec

Watching Min And Bill Ripe melodrama of unfortunate parentage with Dressler playing landlady l Min who has an on/off thing with Beery's Bill. She's brought up orphan Nancy, except she's not an orphan, and Min needs to keep her lousy Mom away. The titular couple are great and Dressler won an Oscar

Watching In Cold Light It has an interesting setting (the Canadian rodeo scene), and having Troy Kotsur as the disapproving Deaf father adds a wrinkle but this is a pretty standard drug dealer on the run from dodgy cops thriller. Just about worth it for a gritty Maika Monroe in the lead

Peters Bradshaws's review consistently misspelling the writer's name like an old dad adding an -s. (Ed Solomon no -s)

Watching The Devil Wears Prada 2 It knows it can't run the same plot again, and then tries anyway. Mainly fan service and even when it decides who its villain is it can't really blame them. Conclusions a) Americans: RETIRE b) I am irredeemably Justin Theroux blind c) they want to make dungas happen

Watching Dante's Inferno: An Animated Epic More of a tie in with the somewhat odd Inferno videogame it has the dual purpose of explaining Dante's original to gamers, and also explaining how you could make a game out of it (basically the circles of hell become levels). Quite basic kewl anime tho

Watching The Yakuza A much more sensitive and respectful film than I expected, but maybe that's not what your entry level Yakuza film should be.Bob Mitchum is on the slowdown, contemplative here as things go ti shit around him but nothing happens for a long time.Pollack is happy to soak in the vibes

Watching Do Not Disturb An odd culture clash comedy where Doris Day is the star comedienne having a film written around her schtick - sadly here it is lame 'British money is weird and they drive on the left'. Its zag into sex farce is just the same but with French people being 'funny'. Hopeless

Watching The Bride From Hell Dude has to marry a girl cos he saw her nekid but it's OK cos she's attractive, but uh-oh she might also be possessed by the ghost of a woman murdered by his uncle. Briefly it suggests the ghost might just want to live a normal life over revenge, but it isn't that smart

Watching Cold War 1994 I didn't know this is a prequel of two fiendishly complex cop corruption action movies.Framing device notwithstanding though it's all in the past though much of the audience knew who the baddie was before me. Lots of fun, and full of Brit HK handover conspiracy theories.

Watching Mortal Kombucha 2 I recognise some of the people from Mortal Kombat 1, but this ditches poor old Lewis Tan for cheesy wisecracking Karl Urban's Jonny Cage. But there is a daft superpowered fite every ten minutes and stops pretending it isn't all nonsense. Kitana's fan service is excellent

Watching The Yellow Balloon Frankie gets 6d for a balloon, but drops the tanner so nicks his mate's balloon, leading to a tragic accident.But shame gets him in deep with a dodgy bloke ending with more violence and an impressive midnight chase in a disused tube station. Solid kid in peril thrills

Watching Behind The Make-Up First of 7 films William Powell made with Kay Francis,but far from the best. Powell plays a homeless Italian clown saved and partnered with a vaudeville comic. He then marries his partner's girl and gets in money trouble.It's a worm turned movie with very little turning

Watching Hearts And Minds 1974 anti-Vietnam War doc which connects a number of disparate strands (Vietnamese testimony, war survivors, politicians, army generals and anti war activists), and the war ends in post production, making it a peculiarly interesting and angry victory lap

Watching Romería Carla Simon's very good latest blends coming of age, with a family mystery and a historical overview of the Spanish stigmata around AIDS. 18 yr old adopted out Marina visits Vigo for the first time to find an family who still haven't come to terms with her junkie parents actions

Watching The Yeti There's a desultory stab at explaining what a Yeti is doing in Alaska in the 1940's and let me tell you the Bering Straits do a lot of heavy lifting. This is a basic but fun period monster movie, full of pulp stereotypes and perhaps should have been filmed in black and white.

Watching Thermæ Romæ Wonderfully culturally specific time travel film based on a manga that posits that the great empire of Rome was saved by a timeslipped baths architect. Contains some terrific 'Japanese play Romans' acting and makeup, and a romance that suggests the original manga is a true story

Watching The Big Trail A manageable Oregon Trail epic,with glorious early 70mm widescreen cinematography and a good transition sound turn from John Wayne(odd that he drifted into the wilderness for a bit). Decent Native American representation too, but come for Raoul Walsh's stuffed mise-en-scene

Watching Hokum A solid enough ghost story, which overeggs its pudding with backstory and a murder. Adam Scott plays an author travelling back to the hotel his parents honeymooned at, but despite scepticism, there turns out to be a witch. Which means it isn't Hokum.

Watching Togo A compelling dog sled movie that stakes a lot of credibility on Willem Dafoe and is well rewarded for doing so. Lots of dering do, and a solid backstory about how Togo was a runt, and destructive puppy. But comes into its own when you realise it is an issue anti-Balto film

Watching A Soldier's Plaything Sound transition for Harry Langdon which has had a bunch of songs lopped out, and has a very disjointed gag set-up (and doesn't do anything with the accidental murder at the start). And Langdon's voice has a carnival barker quality that is at odds with his naif persona

Watching The Drama I enjoyed watching Zendaya and Pattinson spar about nothing in the drama, a film fatally flawed by its misunderstanding of the difference between thought and action, and Alana Haim's laser focussed disapproval acting. But it felt like a flap about nowt looking for a farce

Watching Mother Mary Every director should make a shonky pop star movie, but what I didn't expect of David Lowery was a two act two handed play that turned into a mini Amicus portmanteau horror movie. Or ghost story because, despite the poster stating otherwise, This Is A Ghost Story I loved it.