june 2006 -> june 2026 how fast the years fly by, and now it’s been twenty years since i first met you

updated carrd :>

it’s crazy how i’m missing you again, but not too much that i need to talk to you. it feels as if you’re this… unseen being; a ghost, if you will.

NEW VIDEO - YGOTAS Episode 88 - "Porno for CEOs" youtu.be/FczbLCuqyNA We're one duel away from entering the Millennium World, y'know.

i feel like i need to stay at some part of the internet while i’m staying away from everybody else. so I’ll try to stay here at least.

I absolutely hate the fact how easily you can make my day when I’ve been agonizing for weeks on what I should do with you.

New Video - YGOTAS Episode 87 - Kink of Games youtu.be/mJLd-MooA_0 Honored to have the brilliant @theabigailthorn.bsky.social on board for a cameo, as well as my good friend @cyberlink420.bsky.social reprising his role as Luke Hope you enjoy this one

thank you… for making me smile.

let go. let go.

ah, i think i get it. i think the grudge is still there.

it will get better. i will get better.

time will never be on our side.

it feels negative… but i shouldn’t care, because i’m giving it to him with that intention of i wanted him to have it. But maybe it was how he worded it—that got me thinking. Although I’ve already expected it… idk, it prolly still hurts.

is this how you felt 9 years ago? this feels like dying 🙂

He: “That picture from 9 years ago appeared on Facebook Memories.” Me: *playing nonchalance* Ah, is that so? Also me: *thinking* You don’t know how many screenshots I did when that picture appears every year.

You really don't know how happy seeing you has made me.

i could share a lot of things to others, but mostly it’s just going to be from my feelings

in the end, we’re still our sixteen year-old selves who have more responsibilities in life, more stakes to lose. i was so awkward i cannot look at you for long, but whenever i do, your eyes look the same as i remember them.

no one could probably make me smile like you do. and that could break me too. you deserve that title—you’re my first love.

felt like i’m on cloud 9 ☁️ is it possible for my heart to feel this full, and clear and light at the same time?

turned out better than i expected.

i really didn’t have to.

will i ever see you today?

see you tomorrow, i hope.

i feel stressed abt this, idk why.

9 years today. 9 years since that day.

you don’t have to.

so fucking pathetic this is why i need to go now and not see him anymore

i scoff at myself too often because of how ridiculous all of this is—the way i romanticize angst so much that i feel it’s the only thing i deserve in this life. all this work and anxiety in the past 12 months—5 years even—just to let all of this go. but the question remains… do i regret it?

should i? shouldn't i? still torn.

You might even ask why. You might even think my energy is wasted on this. You might even think you don’t deserve to receive anything from me. What I think though is that you need to know how appreciated you are.

me, waking up: nah, he wouldn’t message me again today. he went a full week without messaging before. *takes a look at the phone after 5 mins of contemplating* *sees his name on notifs* me: oh, fck.

what in the world is freakin’ happening the day i tell myself i’m letting go again, and you… do you ever know? whenever i let you go?

can i just let it go? this thread i’m holding onto is kinda making my fingers bleed already, and it’s starting to sting.

oh fck i miss you.

i’m speechless. dumbfounded. and crazily overthinking about what you posted. i don’t know.

it feels different now sharing about you to others. i feel comfortable sharing my feelings.

i miss you, still.

there must have been some kind of good luck yesterday

God knows. God knows when the time is right. It’s just a matter of patience. And my heart is well without guilt, without regret.

I have a lot of things to say, but I can’t articulate it well. My mind is a mess, and I’m thinking of finishing up work anyway. However, if I think about work for the rest of the day, chances are the steam of these simmering thoughts would just float away and dispel.

i actually forgot what this is about… and what i was supposed to talk to him about. idk how many times i’m really gonna let go 😆 if it comes, it comes~ i can’t let myself care too much anymore.

not today not next week not in the end of the month there will be a time when it will come together. there’ll be a time you’ll be able to say it. just be patient, bc you know it’s not gonna end too well for you.

the only way i can get out of being hyperfixated by another fictional character is to overanalyze their character and give them the angst of a lifetime get yourself ready matsukawa issei

i have this age gap arranged marriage fic idea in mind, but i'm not entirely sure if i can pull it off...

i really just read anything as long as it’s angsty~ but those types of stories can only be read if you’re of rational mind.

wondering if i should watch PoA on 17th~ it’s gonna be my first time if ever to watch the movie after falling in love with Remus 😭 i miss him.