I already love this fish

It’s bigger on the inside.

Think I just saw my first flant of the season. Time to close the windows.

Accidentally bought tickets to the Goodspeed Festival of Wood.

Bill Withers had a brother named Bear. He was super successful as a composer for telephone hold music.

That this even needs to be a thing is heartbreaking.

My doctor just told me I'm suffering from onomatopoeia. I'm afraid it's as bad as it sounds.

Fuck Wordle today

The CDC apparently stands for Cataclysmic Diarrhea Crisis

If you put one lasagne on top of another lasagne, do you still have two lasagne, or one lasagne?

smol butt

smol fren

And now you too can get a job advertising Trivago

That Ann Widdecombe lived in a place called Haytor is some sort of irony.

I am thoroughly convinced she was an absolutely vile person, but that does not mean she deserved to be murdered.

I did not have “Ann Widdecombe possibly murdered” on my 2026 bingo card.

30g ground coffee 250ml milk Mix well, store overnight in the fridge. Filter the next morning, add some ice and enjoy. Thank me later.

Nice! Just found a £10k pension pot from an old employer that I’ve instructed them to transfer into my main pension.

Master master This is recorded thru uh flies ear 'n you have t' have uh flies eye t' see it It's the thing that's gonna make Captain Beefheart And his magic band fat Frank it's the big hit

I've just joined a mycophile group for morel support

BIN FOR THE WIN

Just been outside in central London. Feels like I’ve just had a threesome with red hulk and the human torch.

So we have Count Binface vs The Count of Murky Crypto.

My bedroom air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.

On my way, Clacton.

Unfortunately, yay and hoopla are still at large and dangerous.

Parents are reminded that this year’s school play will be “Aliens”

Yes, I have hung two cheap Ikea bedsheets outside the windows that get full afternoon sun. Has it helped? Yes. Yesterday that room got to 28C - today, it’s only 24C.

The area around the two pubs near me that were open half the night to show the football smell like baking hot vomit today.

I just realised that 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

American flag blue

smol manx fren

Mother is trying to decide between Majorca or Minorca. I said why not split the difference and go to Meanorca.

If you want to look like a Wordle genius, go to www.nytimes.com/svc/wordle/v..., just replace YYYY MM and DD with the right date and it’ll give you the word of the day.

I’m sweating like Jamie Oliver spotting a sugary child.

Why? Why would you do this?

Honey nut cornflakes and banana milkshake. Healthy? Possibly not. Advisable? Doubtful. Good in this heat? Hell yes. Tasty? Fuck yes.

I don’t mean to brag, but I’ll be here next week.

The one good thing about the heat is that the butter spread easily almost straight from the fridge.

If you text your flight number to yourself on iOS, it’ll turn it into a flight tracking mini app where you can keep tabs on the flight in real time.

Thanks to @goonpod.bsky.social, I shall soon be watching Digby, The Biggest Dog In The World.

One good thing about this heat is my butter is almost instantly spreadable direct from the fridge.

well, fuck

I think when reporting dangerous heat and humidity levels, they should also mention the wet bulb temperature and what it means.

Yup

Make America Green Algae

Until sometime in the mid to late 1930’s, toilet paper could have splinters in it, and you risked impaling bits of yourself whenever you wiped.

The custard cream in my custard creams has melted out of the custard creams.

You have to admit, slate Russell T Davies as much as you like but the 60th anniversary specials are universally considered the top three Fourteenth Doctor adventures.