Those Waymo self driving cars are in Greenwich now.

Still relevant.

Until further notice, POTUS now means “Paedophile of the United States”

There is almost no way the rest of the royal family didn’t know about the noncery.

Aww, he gave up.

Guy fails to get a stupid joke, gets called out for it. Doubles down and makes himself look even stupider. Three times.

Atheism: You’ve Got To Be In It To Sin It.

🔭 London Night Sky Update: 17th Feb 2026 🌅 Sun: Sunrise 07:10 | Sunset 17:18 🌒 Moon: Waxing Crescent 🌃 Skies: Overcast (100%) - Poor visibility. 🪐 Planets: Jupiter, Uranus 🌌 Aurora: No significant activity (Kp 1) 🌠 Meteors: Alpha Centaurids https://stargazingforbeginners.co.uk/

Was always wary of using my stainless steel pan for pancakes. Not any more.

Jesus fucking Christ

🔭 London Night Sky Update: 16th Feb 2026 🌅 Sun: Sunrise 07:11 | Sunset 17:17 🌘 Moon: Waning Crescent 🌃 Skies: Overcast (75%) - Poor visibility. 🪐 Planets: Jupiter, Uranus 🌌 Aurora: G1 Minor Storm! (Kp 5) Activity building. 🌠 Meteors: Alpha Centaurids https://stargazingforbeginners.co.uk/

I built a thing

When doing a google image search for Gary Oldman, the most important letter is the R.

Fun fact: any month that begins on a Sunday will have a Friday the 13th.

As far as I can tell, the Winter Olympics are just a load of mostly white people slipping.

wsocial.eu Worth a try

The UK has been colonised by arsehole offshore billionaires who should keep their fucking traps firmly shut.

HE LOOKS LIKE HE WAS CARVED FROM DELI HAM.

I have found it incredibly, nay astoundingly, easy to not be friends with paedophiles. It really doesn’t seem to be all that difficult to do.

Have updated my family Wordle score tracking app with some fun stats.

AI is like replacing your theoretical physicists with stage magicians and wondering why your shiny new particle accelerators spew out rabbits and silk scarves instead of fundamental particles.

WHY IS WES STREETING SO SHINY?

Does anyone know a wicked witch? I feel like I need an enchanted sleep for about 100 years. Please, no dwarves or princes.

Saruman 2028 for president in Hobbiton.

I always knew my brother was a wrong’un, but now I know for sure. He hated Detecttorists.

This flyer in the bathroom of the golf club where the funeral was amused me greatly. He won THREEE PGA CUPS

🤔 It’s definitely not suspicious at all to have people point out your common Twitter sign off is in the Epstein files and ten completely delete your yacht’s logs right?

They’re still filming

I have my security camera filming the filming of the Paul Mccartney biopic. It's all very surreal.

Paul Mescal as Paul McCartney with Sam Mendez (black coat) facing away.

I may or not have set up a webcam so I can stream them filming the McCartney biopic on my street tomorrow.

Fed up with the wordle score tracker constantly breaking, so I made my own for the family to keep tabs on how we’re doing.

Trying to report a broken into car. Call 101. "We are very busy, you may be waiting up to an hour, try going to the website to report a crime". Go to website. "You need to fill in a shitload of unnecessary details" All I want to do is tell the police a car has been broken into.

Car round the corner from me got broken into. Yes, that is mould.

That is a phrase I didn’t need today. Now you get to see it too.

Still trying to figure out how supporting felons,rapists, paedophiles and authoritarian overreach is making America great.

I have a strong suspicion that they’re filming the upcoming Paul McCartney biopic on my road. The film is supposed to be set in the 1960’s according to the letter we all got about the disruption on the road, plus the house they’re filming at is a near identical house to the one McCartney bought.

Catherine O’Hara?

Well.

Teams has drained my laptop battery over 50% on a 45 minute meeting. Absolutely garbage software.

What’s America up to today?

Despite the TERF bigots astroturfing and brigading the hell out of the Hampstead Ponds consultation, they could only manage 14% support. They won’t realise that almost nobody supports them as an empty kettle makes the loudest noise.

Do as much as you can when you’re young. Once you get older, it gets harder to be spontaneous.

The vast majority of people are not bigots. 86% of people wanted the ponds to remain inclusive. Fuck off TERFs. The people have spoken. Why aren’t you listening to women as you claim?

Today I learned that Stephen Colbert, Sam Rockwell and myself all have at least one thing in common. Our favourite movie is John Carpenter’s The Thing.

Looking at what the Americans are up to today…

WHEN IS THE ROGUE TROOPER MOVIE COMING OUT?

MAGA: for when mayo is too spicy.

Trying out a new malt loaf recipe. This thing is so gooey and unctuous. It’s a thing of malty beauty with butter.