I've got another Christmas Music All Day ambulance partner this year and I have once again instituted my One Rule: listen all you want, but the second Sleigh Ride comes on, we immediately change the station for the duration. I do not want hear more than one bar of Sleigh Ride

okay I'm gonna need AC Shadows to fuck right off with the rhythm games

My partner thought I was playing a multiplayer game cause I kept exclaiming "sorry! sorry!" But I'm playing Assassin's Creed Shadows and accidentally jumped off a roof onto a woman and made her go "OOHOOAA!" and then I accidentally drew my katana at a kitten

Bro sorry that AI is replacing you as the shortest white boy at the office or whatever but you're gonna have to move in on the rush hour train

im sorry but dungeons and dragons is not a game where you can "do anything". the game where you can do anything is freestyle roleplaying on the neopets message boards

Wowwww I did not have fun at Wake Up Dead Man. No charm. No heart. None of that great specificity of person and place. Guessed the ending?? None of the actors seemed like they were even in the same room as each other.

"The Chain" plays at increasing volume over a montage of me Swiffering my apartment

A man is interacting with a whistling to a group of pigeons on this train platform like he's a cartoon princess very happy he's happy but I think it's literally the most annoying thing I've ever been forced to listen to for twelve minutes straight

Freaky ass omen

We were late to Thanksgiving because I got held up at work with a cardiac arrest (an epic save), and in just gold standard loving partner behavior, my partner explained why, loudly, and proudly to everyone who would listen when we arrived

I do not play Hollow Knight because it is not my kind of game, but I do very much enjoy my partner playing Silksong and then coming to me crying about something in the game, explaining it, and making me cry. It's been the best way to experience the game.

My partner is making fun of me for listening to high-energy bluegrass music while doing my chem homework but I do need to feel like I'm in a Cohen brothers film in order to work with the dark humor of the chaos of the course (AI-generated textbook, mandatory 600-person unmuted zoom call for exam...)

To be extremely fair to the 18 year olds in my chemistry 100 class, the course is chaotic in ways I can't even get into right now (sixteen page syllabus), but three months in, they continually baffle me by being mystified about various things like when we have exams or *when we have class*

I have been watching an obscene amount of original Law and Order for perverse reasons and there is this bizarre sound mix on the 90s ones where in the background of every scene, car horns have been added. From courtroom to bedroom, ALL scenes have a faint ʙᴇᴇᴘ! ʙᴇᴇᴘʙᴇᴇᴘ! Running constantly.

When my partner goes out of town, I listen to a TV show to fall asleep. I've been looking for the right one. Can't be too engaging. Soundscapes can't be interesting. Music can't be too good. The more bland and flatly acted the better. I'm sorry to this show but I've found it's Stargate: Atlantis

ONLY 6'4?? Come on, the alpha CEO disguised as a microwave can be any imaginary height you want. Make him 6'12, weighs a fucking ton

[DM who has only played Baldur's Gate 3 running session zero of their first tabletop campaign] ok what vulva style are you thinking of taking

gm (day five of vacation)

Always thinking about my friend who told me "getting in trouble is a fake concept" right before he got in a lot of trouble

I did not see the northern lights I was seeing Queen of Versailles which was a less beautiful experience but at least we got to exploit a real person's death and listen to too many unenjoyable songs! (I was tipsy and seeing it with a fellow bitchy air sign it was actually a blast)

"6-7"?! Boy I say boy you gen alpha kids cant be doin' that! Your signifiers need signs boy! You've laid a rhetorical claim to an empty space son! You're creatin' a nihilistic dialectic! Your broccoli hairs obfuscatin' some much needed communication! Find some MEANIN', kid!

I'm being shown posts from writers doing pitch events asking stuff like what the protocol is if they don't have a manuscript to query on a recent agent engagement and have I completely misunderstood the point of those events?

"Would this be ok to use?"

My father regularly volunteers at their local food pantry and says they have had 100 families in the past 4 days, when they usually only have 250/month. He says "that's also about the number of times I've heard 'fuck Trump'".

I did my annual fit testing for work which is when they spray a bitter aerosol in your mouth and then see if you can still taste it with your N95 on, only for some reason I've never been able to taste it. Fun prank to play once a year when the RN thinks the spray is broken and tests it on themselves

My desktop crashed in an extremely hard manner this morning and I woke up a fifteen year old Emergency Laptop from a coma and it is struggling in a major way. It thinks it's 2010. It can't remember what chrome is. It's not sure who I am.

I have fully done this to myself but I've gotten initial copy edits back from my agency and it's very funny to have your sex scenes copy edited like "flesh... repetitive?"

Im traffic-stopping in that I drive the ambulance but also this poor man just crashed his bicycle after calling out "I love you!" as he passed me in the street

Today in the ambulance, my partner swore up and down she had driven the ambulance to the Statue of Liberty before. Not taken the ferry, but "had to drive to NJ to get out to the statue". Could not make heads or tails of it except that maybe we have a different idea of what the Statue of Liberty is 🤷🏻

My partner and I re-watched Austin Powers for the first time in certainly a decade and I remember very little of the film because I was so young when it came out, but I realized I do remember VIVIDLY the fembots with guns in their tits which definitely says more about me than the joke

#QueerPit #R #SF #A #FR When you're a disaster bisexual on the run from space witches your hyperspace treasure maps, the moral of the story is: Always Get in a Spaceship With a Scoundrel! For fans of: ✅Heists 🥵Spice 🌌Space oh my! and of crying to this video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTGd...

Two women walking by the ambulance just now: First woman: What do you mean lesbians love carabiners? My sister doesn't love them! Second woman: Well, we're not a monolith, Chelsea...

✅ Heists 🥵 Spice 💫 Space Oh my! What do you do when you're a disaster bisexual who has to get off Hecate IV before space witches steal your hyperspace treasure maps? You must ALWAYS GET IN A SPACESHIP WITH A SCOUNDREL 🚀🌈 A sci-fi romantasy #QueerPit #R #FR #A #SF

Heists, spice, and space, oh my! What do you do when: 🏳️‍🌈 You're a disaster bisexual 😱 Space witches want your illegal dark hyperspace treasure maps 💫 You have to get off Hecate IV before you're caught You ALWAYS GET IN A SPACESHIP WITH A SCOUNDREL 🥵🚀 #QueerPit #FR #A

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