gonna get me one of those stonewashed Winnie the Pooh jackets, curl my bangs, and then walk into the ocean

Sloth Month Icon, Day 28: France Humanity>Productivity. For France, it's not laziness but an embrace of life’s unhurried rhythms. With two hour lunch breaks, 35 hour workweeks, and its sacred August shutdowns, France rejects the cult of speed. Shops close, meals linger, and pleasure is never rushed.

"I’m an empath," smirked the unreliable narrator.

RIP Claudia Cardinale. Much like Robert Redford, she was a rare case of a beautiful performer with a filmography full of bangers who did NOT become right-wing later in life. Here she is punching fascist Brigitte Bardot in the face in Les Pétroleuses (1971).

Physical media such as vinyl albums and now Blu-rays have gained popularity in recent years. To be ahead of the next cultural resurgence, I'm sinking all my money into VCR board games from the early 90s

midlife? cry, sis

Heated Rivalry but make it sumo

Sloth Month Icon, Day 27: Staycations Vacations without the vexation. No travel math or recovery days. You stay put and let time loosen its grip. Rest starts immediately, lingers longer, and asks nothing in return. It is the luxury of being exactly where you are without the tax of travel.

too many bowl games. play five games on the same field at the same time and call it a Royal Rum-Bowl

As an adult, it just occurred to me that I could just buy my own trampoline

describe your bsky account in a single image

One of my last tweets before I gave that bitch the Irish goodbye was: "When Vladimir Putin dies, I will have a cupcake." It is the only thing from the old world I am still holding onto.

if you need me, I'll be bantering over on Hive social

a bluesky in memoriam of all the accounts we lost this year

living my life to the fergaliciousist

"to thine own self be true"

Sloth Month Icon, Day 26...or 27...maybe 28: The Lull the week between Christmas and New Year's where the Gregorian calendar fails to exist. It's a vacuum between holiday hysteria and the start of a new year (new you). Use this void to exist as a sentient potato while the world remains on pause.

Regardless of how censored or centralized the internet becomes, I will spend my life ensuring Tom Hardy’s slutty MySpace pics remain free and easily accessible to all.

pronouncing 4 like sour

designing an after-Christmas, child-friendly version of Clue titled "Who Killed the Elf on the Shelf"

neighbor a few houses down is my age or a few years younger, with the wife and kids and all that mess, yet he is still wearing ultra skinny jeans. In an age of people who have no business wearing wide leg trousers, I respect his commitment to a time gone by.

when somebody quote posts something from twitter here, it feels like I'm watching that person yelling at the tv.

bakery by day, strip club by night: I call it Manbuns

that middle-aged man with the backwards baseball cap and singularly repellent aura who got punched in the face at some sporting event thinks he is the new Hawk Tuah girl. I can only hope that painful obscurity is the next thing to hit this cretin in the face

What's everyone's favourite avatar quote? "I said, "Hey, Avatar, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice

Bluesky Wrapped™ called me a gaywad

I don't know who needs to hear this, but today is Friday

Who gives a shit?

Sloth Month Icon, Christmas Day: Santa That feeling when Santa comes home from a long night of work and taking his bra off. One massive burst of effort, then an absolute stop. The ultimate HIIT schedule. Go hard, then vanish completely. This peak rest is the only way to heal a year of heavy lifting

it's pretty clear that not much thought goes into what I post, so it goes without saying that I don't have a drafts folder. That being said, could someone please remind me at some point between Memorial Day and, let's say, July 4th of the phrase "Sherbet your ass, I will"? Thank you in advance

the worst part of hosting is I can't Irish goodbye my way out of my own place

time to visit my own spirits

nieces and nephews trying to come in 6th/7th in Mario Kart because they're assholes

what's everybody's favorite non-observing Christmas movie

I wrote Santy a letter, and my dearest Nana bought me the Pokémon cards and assless chaps I asked for. The holidays are truly the most wonderful time of year.

does it mean there will be no gifts this year? | Jakub Różalski

a Home Alone sequel where the two criminals are living in an abandoned retirement home that adult Kevin McCallister is in charge of demolishing. It's a hard R for nudity and sexual violence. Merry Christmas, everybody

don't threaten me with a festive time

who up midnighting their mass (that's my worst one yet)

Sloth Month Icon, Day 24: Holiday Traditions The Lone Ranger, Meatballs, and Darlene Love 🧵

oh, I thought you said you wanted some last-minute gif ideas

that moment when you're visited by three spirits that don't know you're a heavy ass sleeper

older relatives don't seem to get excited anymore about how big I've gotten since last year.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas (condescending) Make the Yule-tide gay (giggle) From now on, Our troubles will be miles away (absolute lies)

Inside you, there are Twelve drummers drumming Eleven pipers piping Ten lords a-leaping Nine ladies dancing Eight maids a-milking Seven swans a-swimming Six geese a-laying Five roast beef sandwiches Four calling birds Three French hens Two turtle doves And a partridge in a pear tree

Just sit and listen for three minutes. It'll do you good.

I used to be a hardcore zealot about Alt text usage, but I have realized the visually impaired enjoy the distinct luxury of not having to witness the same Trump tweet fifty times a day

Blood drive? Thanks, I think I'll walk

The way some people can manufacture two completely different hot takes about a third Avatar movie is miraculous. It’s like, man, they are the real heroes

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