He's 19. He has wisdom. #cat #cats

Today is Portugal Day! Or as the Portuguese so pithily phrase it—Dia de Portugal, de Camões e das Comunidades Portuguesas. Just a heads-up in case you’re wondering about all the parades clogging your Main Streets and thoroughfares today. And hey, my mom is happy about it. 😊 🇵🇹

This is the birthday party I want. Balloons hanging like sausages at Katz's, a rabbit who at any moment appears ready to launch into a Sousa march, a community lump of ice cream, candles that miss my age by decades, and a crazed pig who has been spinning a rattle for 11 straight hours. Also, a cat.

Name a movie in which the first few minutes were fantastic but then the rest of the film just nose-dived HARD. I'll start: Opening credits, "Watchmen" Alien-greeting montage, "Valerian"

#morning #mornings

So no one’s going to mention Anthony Head’s great work in those 90s Taster’s Choice commercials? youtu.be/CcRHuy73rZE?...

“So what’s this about some sportsball thing happening tonight?”—How I can get excommunicated from NYC right now.

The “Cancel Your Plans: Cozy Poems by Cats” promise. (From both cats and human.) #cat #cats #book #books

Sally Forth: Pedro Pascal in his most demanding role @jimkeefe.bsky.social @comicskingdom.bsky.social

My writing buddy Leelo, fascinated with everything but what I’m writing. #cat #cats #writing

My breakdown is going to be fun for all. Mental rollercoasters. Emotional drop tower. Haunted gaze house. I’ll probably overcharge for churros, though.

Some huskies took me to PetSmart. #dog #dogs

Honestly, the most shocking thing is that learned about Cardi B’s real name from a meme and not my mom . (Also, if you say my full name—including middle name—out loud all the birds will scream in Sumerian.)

Now to see if they stop mid-show as one of the actors has to yell “STOP THROWING F***KING TOAST ON THE STAGE!”

The Perfect Crime #cat #cats

Overheard—Conductor on LIRR train: “Keep your Fred Flintstones off the seats. No bare feet. It’s morning time. Let’s aim for a little class.”

With The Late Show with Stephen Colbert wrapping up last night, and as a big fan, here's a Sally Forth strip from 2017 when the Forth family visited the Colberts - or at least their front lawn...

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! #summer #summervibes #weekend

My Amélie action figures. Because sometimes you just need some freakin’ whimsy in your life or Lego set.

I hope this scooter blares the “Wonder Woman” TV theme every single time. Of course, that means the rider will be doing Mach 3 in about ten seconds.

Also, they forgot the paper #cat #cats #writing #books

Pause in morning routine #cat #cats #morning #cozy

“Cats Waiting to Be Fed an Hour Too Soon”—No.3623 in a series. #cat #cats #pet #pets

About to see “Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope: Journal of the Wills: Chewy’s Day Out” on the big screen, because someone’s gotta support this movie.

Most conversations I overhear include the phrase "I can't with this right now."

It's #IndependentBookstoreDay! So go support your local bookseller. And while there pick up the book the store's cat is going to knock in your direction, "I Could Pee on This and Other Poems by Cats." And don't forget to pre-order your copy of "Cancel Your Plans: Cozy Poems by Cats"! #cat #cats

Happy #IndependentBookstoreDay! Support your local bookseller and pick up copies from your favorite and new authors. It's win-win!

Kiki looking at me as if to say “So we’re really going to watch all nine hours of the Oscars, huh?”

Friday the 13th two months in a row. If that doesn't say "2026" not sure what does.

A cozy Kiki being watched over by my home office companions Eeyore and Rain Cloud

So Punxsutawney Phil predicted six more weeks of winter. And yet if he hadn't I would have thought "You lying piece of sh*t." #GroundhogDay

Came across a little snowman early this morning screaming “Are you not entertained?!” by all the snow that fell this weekend. Then someone yelled at it to shut the hell up. And that’s when the little snowman started dropping the f-bombs. Winter in NYC.

So I was looking for a new phone for my mom when I came across this actual review on Walmart for a Panasonic cordless phone. ("Panasonic, you guys are the best! But about my dad...")

Overheard in Park “My boyfriend called himself a ‘cat whisperer.’ My cat hated him.”

Farewell, MTV—from Gen X

We are now contractually obligated to tell kids “Santa says hi” to their single moms.

When you stare into the chasm but think “Gee, the leaves are pretty.”

Happy National Black Cat Day!

It takes a unique individual to make the word "ballroom" the most trashy term ever.

My new catchphrase is “What the fuck is wrong with everyone?!” while looking around bewildered every single fucking day.

I’m alternating between replying “Boo Berry” and “Well that’s a shit way to ring in our anniversary.”

Before the "It's 10 pm. Do you know where your children are?" PSAs.

I hope they hit a load-bearing wall during construction and all presidential functions have to be conducted out of RVs where the Rose Garden once was.