me: and of course there was Gacy but he went after kids too, so you can’t stan him. What I’m saying is we as a community have nothing. We need a based— my 21 savage homunculus that I’ve been growing out of the frozen pork my mom sends me in the mail: 21 21 me: not now dude we’re learning allyship

Looking for places to get my car inspected and. I’m intrigued.

This rough draft is very quickly becoming more rough, I don’t caaaaaaare I need to have this finished by new year. CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The thing about being attracted to men is, at the end of the day, they’re all just some guy

I think orangutans are good enough morally to be allowed to vote, but they care not to involve themselves in human politics

Learning horsegiirL is German has made everything click for me. I understand now.

What kind of pronouns you got fine shyt

Me, after every tweet I make that gets 0 notes: I’m maybe the funniest person on Earth. And I’m sexy. And I fuck nasty. I’m the king, man.

Lake Mungo Jerry be like 🎵 In the summer time, when the weather is high / You might go to the beach and see a guy / She’s a scary guy / When you see her and she says you’re gonna die / Bury your phone at the lake, your parents will never know the reason why 🎶

My least favorite thing in movies is when they cast an attractive main character, put them in perilous situations, and then don’t rough them up at all. No makeup, no practical effects. In a life or death situation looking absolutely pristine. Let me see you drag that man (or lady!) through the DIRT!

Favorite bands in terms of % of songs I think bang: chat pile Favorite band in terms of how interested I am in the art they make: Xiu Xiu Favorite band in terms of influence on my person: Jordaan Mason and the Horse Museum Pretentious hipster picks all around, I am once again burdened with taste

I think they should let me be a judge. My qualifications are that I’m chill as hell and got a good head on my shoulders. And I look cute in a robe ❤️

the drums guy: I’m gayyyyy and I reject heaven if it means betraying myself. I am ashamed of how badly I want, but the animal of my body cannot be denied. me: aw yeah this is the shit the drums guy: okay now let’s go surfing :) me: okay I’ve never done that. Next song

Had to tell an author that a word in his manuscript was a slur and link him to an article about sexual violence towards Native American women. Close enough. Welcome back, Bilibili comics.

Any time I feel good about the person I am, I get a voice in my head like “are you manic? Is this hubris? Is God going to humble you soon?” and I don’t even think god really works like that but got dam if it’s not a thing I think

finally getting on prep

People underestimate how manipulative I am as a person. For example, I manipulate people into liking me by being nice and fun to be around. I’m like the Patrick Bateman of being nice. Call me American Normal Guy.

I love being annoying it’s probably my favorite thing in the world

I smell like rot and if anyone gives me shit about taking a two-hour lunch at work today and coming back with an oozing wound in my chest I’m going to heavily imply I have cancer. Fuck my gay chud life

Zooted at the Texas Roadhouse to celebrate five years of knowing this bitch. Lord forgive me for what I’m about to do

Prepper Pig. Is this anything?

I know lil ugly mane is white, but like. was he white the entire time?

One thing Judaism has on Christianity is that the Torah has a theme song. Unsure if Muslims have something similar, but maybe they should.

Completely killing the vibe at the function by doing Chat Pile “Dallas beltway” at gay bar karaoke

The male loneliness epidemic is real! Kiss the homies with tongue ❤️

How much do you think it would cost to get me absolutely trashed and then hire a bird educator to bring out a bunch of parrots for my birthday. Because that sounds like my perfect night.

Tfw an itch that can never be scratched 😔

All this time I thought a petard, as in “hoisted by one’s own petard,” was an article of fancy men’s clothing, and you’re telling me it’s a bomb? It’s been a bomb this entire time?

CHAPTER FIFTEEN. Can you tell this one has a sex scene in it?

“Crotch” is such a hideously unsexy word, and I always feel like I’ve written myself into a corner when I have to use it.

God I see what you’re doing for the people of New York City and I want that for me

Racist jokes are almost never funny but the ones that really piss me off is when people do the “Asian accent confusing Ls and Rs” for Chinese people because it’s not even true. L and R are different sounds in Chinese. Make a joke about Chinese people pronouncing Ns as Ls. Then maybe I’ll laugh.

Baby cousin has become a raw meat conspiracy theorist 😔

I think this movie would make more sense if there were actually porn in it. When I figured out this was the same guy who made A Talking Cat!?! everything suddenly clicked

(At least once a week, for some reason) me: I’m in a bad mood, and it’s not your fault. I am clearly communicating to you so that you know my bad mood is not because of you. someone else: okay me: *lets frustration show through in my tone or body language* them: um. Why are you being a dick?

Finally finished this monster piece about the Alters! This is my second big feature for Qualbert, and gets into why I want genAI out of my damn games www.qualbert.com/ai-use-in-th...

Covered in burrito residue

Given my online pedigree and past fandoms, it’s honestly a small miracle that I’m not a furry

Been watching all the conjuring movies (they’re bad, except for Annabelle comes home, which is alright). I will say more when I watch the last one tomorrow, but let me just say: there is exactly one good scene in each movie, and the rest of the scares are just Colored Contacts and Getting Grabbed.

I have a soft spot for Mormons because I think they get a lot of flak, not all of which I think is fair. But, between Brendan Urie and Benson Boone, there is strong evidence that they shouldn’t be allowed around musical instruments.

I’m a white guy from a middle class background of course I’ve got opinions on hip-hop

*emerges from the mobile game hole* chapter fourteen

God the substance fucking owns

YouTube music is superior to Spotify even if the latter weren’t investing in AI drone warfare and advertising for ice. But it is synced to your YouTube account, which I’ve had since high school. Sounds fine until your supermix starts playing the homestuck soundtrack on your drive home

I love watching exotic animal videos on YouTube because they’re all titled like “Do NOT Keep A Cobra As A Pet!” Like, thanks, man. I wasn’t planning on it. Why are you doing it, though?

It was simchat torah yesterday, so they took out the Torah to roll it back up, but first you gotta do seven rounds of dancing with it because it’s a party. It was fun but eventually the old people at my synagogue ran out of dances and just did a giant conga line led by this massive torah scroll

(Guy who just discovered eating) if I have a sandwich it heals my hp even though I haven’t slept. Just like in skyrim

I love supporting queer creators on YouTube but besties we really gotta get back to putting the pronouns in the damn bios. Like yes your vibe is immaculate but what do I Call You.

How it feels not mentioning that I haven’t slept on days where I haven’t slept

“Israeli” ceasefires only ever apply to the other party. They’ll continue to kill whomever they want, whenever they want until they are stopped. They see themselves as occupying an altogether different moral plane than their enemies, like any colonizer.