i’m feeling down. and the world is a scary mess so thank you artemis 2 and the ladds 500 for being the best distractions right now.

it’s nice to know that there will be mass bicycle tomfoolery on saturday. yeah, it’s gonna rain. it’s portland ffs! ladds 500. let’s go!

just saw a video about the reentry of the artemis 2. it’s going to hit the atmosphere at 40,000 km/h. mach 32. those astronauts are either incredibly brave or completely out of their minds.

i know she’s old but i think for national unity and a return to civility… dolly parton for president. we could do with a unifying figure.

baseball is only good in person. sitting in the hot sun drinking a room temperature semi flat lager and a hot dog (mustard and relish). it’s an experience. at home, on tv… no. boring as hell. mental soundtrack: elliott smith “rose parade”

they would never let me on an artemis mission because after splashdown at the press conference i’d be like “hey, you all wanna see the moon?” and then i’d drop trou and bend over and smack my ass for the cameras. i do not get invited to nice places and i don’t wonder why.

when the artemis 2 crew gets back they should get hooked up. free guacamole and top shelf margaritas for the whole crew (the canadian one will probably think the guac is spicy but it’s okay)

president xi, i await the arrival of your ak

i miss greta and zöe, our mother/daughter german wirehaireds. but i don’t have a yard and i think that’s unethical for a sporting dog. or even a terrier.

maybe there’s some fucked up psychological “tell” that im revealing. i grew up with dogs. i like dogs. but i really like cats. used to be allergic and now im just enamored of them. and they can live indoors. i’m really wanting to adopt another one.

dear nutella, i love you to the moon and back! thank you– brando

youtu.be/XkrzOkZVQZ8?... i have a jar of nutella that same size and i love it with pretzels or triscuits. but unfortunately mine doesn’t drift in zero gravity.

i’m still overcome with joie de vivre thinking about that jar of nutella floating around in zero gravity in the artemis 2 capsule. i have the same size in my kitchen cabinet but it’s bound by gravity.

this looks like ass. you couldn’t pay me to attempt this heresy against food. general sherman we need you again.

radiatore is where it’s at.

the episode where the guy who grows the carolina reaper has an invite only chili eat off is also ridiculous but mesmerizing

cavatappi is ass. bucatini is also ass. their existence is tangible proof of evil.

sometimes you have to chill out and watch something ridiculous. rainn wilson narrates “we are the champions” on netflix and watching british people go topsy turvy and break bones while chasing a wheel of cheese down a very steep hill is nice and absurd.

wild thought but indulge me: if your football team perennialy sucks (jets, browns, bengals) the league should move them. maybe new ownership and rebranding in des moines or boise would help make a difference

cake is the lowest form of food yet strangely exalted

you have a jazz band playing on your porch. there are hundreds of people enjoying the show in the street/yard. and you interrupt the show to wave around one cake for hundreds of people. you are not the main character in this story. also – cake is bullshit anyway.

i like bobs red mill products but god damn i hate their commercials on you tube. that idiot asshole in minneapolis can shove that bullshit cake….

Imagining aliens keeping tabs on us and vicariously enjoying our excitement at something as simple as putting a few of our kind in a metal can and flinging it around our only moon, reliving the thrill their own species experienced tens of thousands of years ago.

went for a walk and the grocery outlet and i haven’t spoken a word all day. it’s kind of funny at this point.

thirsty so i reached into my bag for a nalgene of cool water. and drinking it and my brain is like “this is cool refreshing water” and i’m so thankful for the bull run watershed on the side of mt hood that gives us such awesome water.

i am feeling it more now. and i would like to meet cattes and maybe find one that likes me. it would be nice to have a kitty buddy.

🎶 Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks Religion is a light in the fog I'm not aware of too many things I know what I know, if you know what I mean 🎵 sometimes i think about going to a place that has cattes for adoption but i don’t know if i’m qualified yet

i’m a moron but sometimes i just want to go eat a simple breakfast. like biscuits and gravy with eggs over easy. i’m too afraid to try it but it sounds divine.

i’m disgusted by ads for the michael jackson movie. growing up in the 80s i was like “this guy is a weirdo and a freak and i want nothing to do with him” and people thought i was crazy for my internal pedo detector pinging hard on a serious creep. damnatio memoriae pervertere.

Happy Easter this one’s for Brodie

don’t sleep on birkenstocks they’re like if slippers were for the street

so far, so good. i love that they’re having fun in the sketches.

i had a case of miller genuine draft and a fifth of beam in my backpack and just told my friends to follow me and behave themselves.

jack black and jack white just crushed the intro on snl. i’ve got high hopes for this episode.

Adulthood is a hard case to make to someone who's not already bought in. Wondermark #1583; Groan Up

this post was skeeted from my mac mini. today is a great day.

sometimes it’s nice to get really high and watch “kindergarten cop” and god this is so stupid funny

it would be really funny if the iranian govt was like “let’s negotiate” and trump was all like “victory is mine!” and the iranians are like “we will only negotiate with obama”

HELLO HUMAN DO YOU HAVE A MIGRAINE WHAT IF I SIT ON YOUR HEAD WOULD THAT HELP I THINK IT WOULD HELP LET ME HEAL YOU WITH MY BUTT

conservative women with a jd and a bottle of peroxide and some blonde hair dye this is your moment

it’s funny to me that christmas is such a big deal when easter is theologically way more important

i am tired and would like to go to sleep but this headache has its own agenda

artemis II is soaring. note how it didn’t explode on the launchpad or shortly thereafter like elon’s bullshit. it’s almost like having actual experts in charge instead of a vibe based scam artist makes a material difference.

i hope they’re ready for the quad laser.

here we go! godspeed you artemis II!

artemis 2 is about to go live. godspeed you intrepid travelers!

i paid rent and electric today so that’s enough april foolery for me. sad that it’s a monthly thing.

knowing that there is a christopher nolan version of “the odyssey” coming out soon i’m going to have to scramble to find an affordable used copy of the fitzgerald translation.

rainy day. doing some laundry and ä re-read. this translation is very solid.