so despite the size of butter sticks east of the rockies, did you know the same product is called “best foods” on the west coast and “hellmann’s” east of the rockies?

the shawshank revolution: andy and red organize the prisoners, take over the prison, take some guards hostage, and then get flown to mexico.

i was reading in the park and the distraction was not the ladies sunbathing in bikinis but these two butterflies were chasing each other around in a dancy way. maybe they were doing a mating thing and there will be even more butterflies next year.

the checker at the grocery store and i were matching opposites today. black with white polka dots and white with black polka dots and they commented on it and i was like we are somehow tuned into the same frequency or wavelength or something.

i’m sitting here watching tv and multiple things in my apartment randomly fell over. did we have a mini earthquake or is the ghost acting up again?

raccoons have thumbs and problem solving skills and we need to keep an eye out for those nocturnal bandits

okay so hear me out here kettle style potato chips are superior to the ruffled potato chip. runner up pringles. love those hyperbolic parabolids.

i was raised in the midwest and have heard about covering a cinnamon roll with chili but never saw it in person. also, zero interest.

people are lining up outside of msg now for a game that starts in 2 and a half hours and they paid how much? i’m not much of a basketball fan but more ä fan of stupid public spectacles.

the youtube videos of the late night monologues are going to be so good tomorrow morning. that’s how i get most of my news now. i need a comedian to process it and regurgitate it for me like i’m a baby bird.

so now there’s a no pedestrian zone today in nyc. but if people are supposed to show up two hours early how do they get to the garden?

this may sound nuts but salt and vinegar chips in my mind would be a perfect match with french onion dip. but you gotta put hot sauce on it.

sometimes it’s like “i actually want to live” and then it is not. it’s just like i don’t understand the why? like what is the point of daily existence?

this is for you eliott smith 🥀

magritte continues to be not a pipe

i don’t know about the rest of you but i’m looking forward to the cabinet doing the chubby bunny marshmallow challenge on july 4 while doing the truffle shuffle in the reflecting pool. also all of the marshmallows will have carolina reaper powder all over them.

if people had tens of thousands of dollars for knicks tickets they have the disposable income to buy overpriced food and throw it at a certain problematic individual

the funniest outcome of the world cup would be iran winning it all

it ain’t easy bein…

cold water from the fridge is a modern day blessing and it’s a delightful treat.

i honestly don’t understand the why of this anymore and it used to be be a fun game and now it’s just another day in hell.

the soundtrack has to keep up with “o brother where art thou”

kinda wanna stick my head in the large hadron collider and screaming “hit me with your best shot”. fire awaaaay!

whenever i hear albaina and trump it reminds me of the simpsons episode where they send bart to be abused in france and take in an albaian child spy.

some of us got high in college and went to discount movie night and got to see “me myself and irene” for $.50 per head. and we had a blast. it was stupidly absurd fun.

i will never enjoy life i will never get the lady i will never get the good job my family gets off on being withholding and now it’s all closing in

yourself, but as a cartoon

today is so weird. it’s raining. then it’s sunny. then a half hour later it’s raining again. then it’s sunny. then it starts raining again.

always rooted against the chicago bears but the gary indiana bears can get bent. may they have ny jets levels of excellence

watching an all star cast learning how to pop the clutch on a manual vw van on the side of the road in arizona is beautiful little Miss SUNSHINE

netflix and youtube taketh away (pitch perfect) and i’m still mad about that. but they can also deliver. little Miss SUNSHINE!!!! i’m so happy because i loved it when it came out and i kept giving the dvd out like i did with the crying of lot 49 and it’s been years and i feel joy again

emotional injury too. i was working 75+ hours a week and when the gorgeous redhead i still call miss canada 1979 decided to take up with a bartender down the street i branded my forearm.

i love how my other solution to injury is to immediately cauterize it. like find the hottest part of the grill or stove, and get this person some whiskey and a red hot honing rod will close that right up. now drink this.

all i know is there’s no pitch perfect streaming free with ads and i’m accafurious.

furthermore on a more positive note watching europeans watch a rodeo or go to bass pro shop is hilarious. like they think what they are about to see and then…

on a lighter note, i like soccer (football) for several reasons. the play just goes. anything could happen at any point. no ad breaks. and the clock counts up.

calling nicholas cage

Meet Enoki!

slept like shit last night and given my state of mind i’m going to meditate and try again but my mind feels discoursive so who knows. tomorrow never knows.

does anyone have a hookup for the pitch perfect movies so i can sleep tonight?

i wonder if my old psychologist is still alive. that patient kind man helped me so much i wouldn’t be here without him helping me find my way. i wish i could talk to him again to navigate the way ahead.

i feel like i took better care of myself when i lived with a cat and it’s one of the reasons why im a mess now

youtube has changed the pitch perfect movies from free with ads to buy or rent and i wanted to throw my remote at the tv. how dare the accadeny my of my beloved bellas.

Okay, gamers, put on your pallia and let's get playing.

the joy of realizing someone else is left handed is so much fun

dogs can’t have chocolate and cats shouldn’t be around lilies. yet they crave them. are there other animals that crave things that will poison them? humans: hey, you want a beer?

i will never understand adults with a wallet in their pocket or purse who have to go out to their car to get their id. why would you take it out of your wallet and leave it in your car? some people leave theirs at home and i don’t get it.

before they add any additional features to bluesky i have a radical proposal: how would it look if the existing system worked?