*opens reddit* OP: "I got written up at work because two managers determined I was not shitting in the bathroom for 10 minutes based on a "smell test"." The day management has to smell your poop to not write you up should be the day you quit. Like what?

God (to Death): This is NOT who I told you to pick up from the hospital.

Oh I got you pissed off fr.

I was @ripperoni.com's girlfriend for 4 and 1/2 years. In June 2022, I attempted suicide. My mental health collapsed, and I desperately needed rehabilitation, but (In-person) Ripperoni became my sole caretaker. I was a blank slate to be molded, unmoving and spiraling for most of the day.

I spoke to Mitch McConnell for twenty minutes and he told me the worst part about being in the hospital was getting bathed by Johnathan.

Buddy would've wanted Platner's rape victim to have died before she could come forward, just to preserve Platner's image. I cant even put together the right words for how much of a vile shitbag you are.

Don't worry, I took up the challenge to make a fursona the Kirk *would've* wanted:

It looks like they were planning to can Velma, but then realized Fred and Mike look too much like a homosexual🍸 couple.

When you find out that your pos bitch cousin, who was given about 4 more months left to live in your deceased omi's house, trashed the fucking place into an unrecognizable state, AND lost the key to a safe with her will in it (it also had my mom's dad's death certificate and will in there):

I believe you should go fuck yourself, Bitch.

Graham Platner, entered a his exes' home uninvited (we call that "breaking in"), and raped her. If you're STILL defending him, you are a rape apologist.

Imagine getting your shit absolutely fucked in a car accident and it was from one of these three:

I wish there was a drug that felt like watching Dan Hentchel videos without having the capability to understand satire.

They should do a sitcom with this concept where a gay man and a straight woman enter a lavender marriage, but they cant see each other, so the woman might be taking a shit and the guy will unknowingly come in and start pissing on her lap. I'd call it, "Blind Dicks" or some shit like that.

That case in Ohio involving 16 abused children discovered living in a single 12×12ft room is exactly why child marriage needs to be illegal in all 50 states. If the state of W. Virginia didn't allow a 15 y/o girl to get married off to an 18 y/o man who *should've* gone away for statutory,-

Instagram needs to do something about illegal advertisements bcz Im tired of coming across what looks like real life drama only to find out that its not real and just another ad for a certain site that overcharges users to see if their S.O. is on a dating app.

Fed Fed go away. Spy on me another day.

I just woke up to a win for ALL people born on US soil, regardless of their parent's status. However, as fortunate as this is, I could've very well woken up to the progression of a new holocaust. The fight doesn't truly end until we abolsih the concept of being an "illegal" person.

You ever just embarrass the fuck out of yourself on your lunch break and now you're wondering if you need to genuinely change jobs now...

I haven't thought about you at all in the last several days, but you've clearly been thinking about me enough to start some bullshit up again.

fuck israel

I just saw someone say, "CA doesn't represent the whole US. There's still 51 other little countries called states."

So update on this: I appealed and IG decided that instead of restricting me for 30 days, they're gonna restrict my account for a full year, just for trying to appeal. Idgaf for the most part, but thats quite an overreaction if you ask me...

Instagram restricted my account for 30 days bcz I posted this image in the comments of a video that said, "Would you rather be a mom just like your mom, or marry a man just like your dad?" Like come on...

This has extremely dangerous implications for women who may refuse marriage or sexual contact. Anti-LGBT laws always put everyone in danger, even if you're not actually queer.

Political lesbianism is an unpopular and fringe ideology that a small minority of non-lesbian women follow. Its also problematic in nature because it implies sexuality as a whole is a *choice*. No normal person thinks it's a sin for a woman to want a man *who treats her right*.

Taylor Lorenz needs to genuinely shut the fuck up.

May I never end up with a fucking man-child like OPs husband:

Lolcow culture actually fucking sucks because what do you mean thousands of people are laughing at/trying to bait a mentally ill homeless woman? Go fucking take it out on ppl like EDP445 who actually deserve torment for being a pedophile. Leave someone's autistic/mentally ill relative tf alone.

Im glad the majority of people aren't trying to label a dad taking his daughters to the restroom as a predator. If only trans women and gnc women were given the same courtesy...

What a racist thing to say under a post celebrating Indians. Turning off the replies will not protect you from accountability.

I used to be really fucking annoying about stuff like this when I was 16 and first came out. 8 years later Im a queer, mostly male attracted with exceptions, enby woman who presents as female physically but nonbinary both mentally and spiritually. Oh, it "doesn't make sense"? Who fucking cares?

Orientation day at my new school. These forks are honestly ass so Im picking up the beef with my hands and ripping into it like a cave man.

They just released the Shrek 5 trailer and it so fucking obvious they extended the release time another 6 months because everyone guessed the plot. Shrek's daughter obviously ran away to explore life outside the swamp and they're obviously trying to find her.

Idubbbz apologizing to Ethan, who was planning on suing him because Ian was pointing out a disgusting comment *Destiny* wrote, is so fucking absurd. Now Ethan is dropping the suit. Of course. And there's nothing suggesting that Destiny will be getting hit with any litigation for writing that.

Dont call the cops unless the situation is so incredibly fucking dire that you believe someone is going to be killed if you dont. Do NOT EVER fucking call over being annoyed. And if you suspect danger but cant be certain, TRY to investigate further first.

My omi passed this morning at the age of 89. She wanted me to tell you guys that she said, "Im outta this bitch. Smell ya later." But ngl it's been hard to not cry a little.

If you're turning 24 today, that means your parents decided the fuck when a plane hit the second tower.

Platner supporters are normalizing nazism. When you can somehow dismiss a totenkopf tattoo with weird "excuses", that is normalizing nazism. We are in a very fucked place rn as a society when teenagers are quoting Kanye West's nazi comments on infowars at their grad ceremonies and-

I just love having skeeter syndrome where mosquito bites are basically Russian roulette in terms of how large and uncomfortable they're gonna be🙃

I got a single-pannel comic idea where Muslims, Sikhs, gays, bad bitches, rednecks, An Eastern European family of 7, and goths are all shopping at Costco and almost all of them are gestering towards a single sign in the middle thats says, "KICKASS FUCKING FORTH OF JULY SALE 50% OFF"

Do you know why people in the Bible were told to never eat pork? Or shellfish? Aside from some religious significance here and there, you cant just eat those things raw. People fucking died bcz no one knew you had to COOK BACTERIA OUT. Now you can drink 🥛 and eat 🌭 without shitting to death.

I like drawing gay ass chud cartoons 🌈

Go to work. Burn myself out just so the company can sell slop. Open my phone. "Check out the new squishy dropshipped AI slop!" Come home. "You dont understand, we need the slop centers to beat China's slop centers!" -My dad.

I got blocked by a Platner supporter because she asked me if I was an SA survivor, and instead of expecting her gotcha "no" reply, I said "Yes the fuck I am, actually." and asked if she wanted me elaborate further on that... Like that's a crazy fucking way to try and "win" an argument.

Tankies would rather cum in your sink than go to therapy

I aquired over 1k followers on my shitlib alt, and Im deciding to take it in a new direction of trolling:

Women aren't children, fucking first of all... And in both instances: it is domestic abuse when done on a partner, and child abuse when done on a child. You dont violently drag people into rooms and lock them inside. What Plater is being accused of is criminal, actually. Fuckass.

To the 16,810 people who voted for Eric Swalwell anyway, I hope you guys get literal shit in your mouths.