Hegseth was so TRIGGERED that he needed a SAFE SPACE 🤣

My boss will skip meetings where he knows I’ll be mad about something so I can only imagine the balls, or more likely entirely empty head, necessary to go into a room full of employees who hate you, except they’re also accomplished interviewers who can destroy you to thunderous applause

Hello chatgpt I am 39 years old how do I hit a game winning basketball shot

The family has not disclosed a cause of death however they did note that his motorcycle was still at the bottom of the shark tank

AJ Brown was a great player for the Eagles and the day we got him from the Titans was a day of pure joy for me. He was entertaining and he won us a Super Bowl and I loved him. If he says anything negative about DeVonta on his way out I’ll delete this and mail him anthrax

The anti-bedtime leftists get another win

The Hobbit movies had a whole storyline about a dwarf who falls in love with an elf but never showed his dwarf buddies, including his BROTHER, ragging on him for it? How’s your leg, Kili, still hurting from you stretching it trying to get taller?

I didn’t know it was a Nazi symbol either and wouldn’t have recognized it. But Platner, who got the tattoo and then later told people “hey look at my Totenkopf,” clearly did, so the issue is moot. When he insists he didn’t know what it was he’s just lying

Hi, thank you for your reporting from the front lines of the protests and we’re all very sorry that the cops broke your shoulder, but could you please remember to post pictures with alt text? Your visually-impaired followers would appreciate it. Hopefully you made it to somewhere safe!

John Mellencamp has agreed to play the America 250 concert. John Cougar Mellencamp says he refuses to play such a politicized event

The manosphere guys aren’t secretly gay they’re just living in a bubble that rewards increasingly extreme thought patterns & that’s worse because that’s how they view everything. They don’t secretly love immigrants, but they do get rewarded for being the first to say “let’s execute 100 mil illegals”

Actually there’s way more Crystal Bitches than you think and this has them eating out of his hand

The rest of this season of Top Chef has been canceled after it was revealed that head judge Chef Tom Colicchio stabbed a contestant who attempted to make risotto

Oh my god, she’s vegan

I’m an average-looking guy, yet in my driver’s license photo I look like the ugliest person alive. But it’s fine because if I ever commit a crime that’s who they’ll look for. They’re searching for some uggo meanwhile average me is causing an average ruckus and scoring an average amount of outlaw ass

My cat has an Attention-Starved Cute Cuddlebug mode and a Dangerous Apex Predator mode and you can’t confuse the two or she gets mad. She does not have time to be a widdle cuddly baby who needs pets right now, stop it, you are EMBARRASSING HER in front of the BIRDS

Widow’s Bay is great and also, while we’re here, 2016 lady Ghostbusters was good and didn’t deserve the hatred

Nation’s Simple-Minded Bumpkins Announce They Don’t Mean No Harm To Nobody

The news: why do Americans feel like they’re poor and the economy is bad when they have so much money??? Also the news: $40 million is a “small” fortune

lmao

I’ve never done due diligence, just the normal amount of diligence

God is actually tribinary

New photos of Diana Russini reveal she started three games at right guard for Mike Vrabel’s Patriots last year

Lotta things about my life finally starting to make sense

Does Bluesky just not let you crop pictures as you post them anymore? Or am I being shadowbanned for my conservative belief’s

🍾 🍾

I stuck my hand in my college roommate’s piranha tank and none of them bit me. I held it there for like five minutes, nothing. Finally caught one and stuck my finger directly in its mouth to feel how hard it could bite. Answer: very hard

“AI” makes a lot more sense when you realize rich people just kind of say it whenever they don’t have any real thoughts

Facebook: SQUEEEE I LOVE HIM I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO OROTECT THE BABY YODA ! Twitter: The size of Baby Yoda’s cranium appears incongruous with his supposed intelligence, the prefrontal cortex necessary for telekinesis would have to be massive. Bluesky: here’s how I would kill Grogu,

Upper Bucks/Lower Lehigh gang RISE UP

I thought the one Lumineers song was kinda good and I’ve been paying the price ever since

I’m a doctor and the thing I pity the most is people who don’t want to get sick. Fuckin’ freaks

Finally saw The Bride!. Fascinating film, not in a good way. I think every single actor had a different director

Some years ago a friend moved to California pretty suddenly and sort of stopped talking to people/posting on socials but we could still see his Venmo. He had a lot of payments to people with “wellness” titles in their bios. He moved back eventually but we’re pretty sure he joined a cult for a bit

My first instinct whenever I hear new information is to be skeptical of it, but it seems unlikely to me that it works

ME: Minion! GF: babe not everyone wearing a hi-viz shirt and denim overalls is a minion, it’s pretty common for construction wor- ME: Minion!!! GF: …he does look like a minion

I don’t know how to use a website — and here’s why that’s your problem

Is he “speaking out” or announcing the path forward

This is the kind of stuff your college paper’s worst writer sends up. This is wannabe refinery29 stuff, Buzzfeed stuff. This is the kind of writing that you get embarrassed about a mere six months later as your brain continues to develop and mature

Subway baby He made their dreams come true Subway baby He’ll do the same for you

Cam Ward throwing three interceptions because he didn’t charge his crystals the night before

Whenever I leave the house I always tell my cat to “be good.” Neither one of us has any idea what I mean by that

like, Nolan Smith broke down in tears at the NFL Combine when talking about the death of his friend, Devin Willock, in a speeding car wreck, saying "nobody deserves to die like that." and yesterday he got arrested for driving 140 miles per hour

Well I hear that the Russia is fire homie and evil Ukrainians are baddies. All my friends are say this as well too

I am going to fight Apple Music

“Pride is a sin” has to be the original for thing a dumb person would say to try to sound smart. “Uhhhh it’s actually super bad to be good at something” cmon man. God never said that. Some loser who never got laid added that in later

Elden Ring should have a feature where if your summons, like the wolves, or rats, dies you can resummon it. And if it’s a summons with multiple entities, like the rats, you can resummon each one, each rat. Basically what I want is to kill a boss by summoning an endless stream of rats

I thought The Mandalorian and Grogu was fun. I especially liked the subtle little nods to the original Star Wars trilogy, like when the Mandalorian got stuck on the ice planet and sliced open Grogu to use his little carcass as a mitten

The current meta is to molest some kids real quick, get convicted, claim it’s because of your conservative views, then get pardoned and obtain some of that J6 money

Obviously this is stupid but Bluesky should do this for real. The next time Jon Bois talks about going to the store or something I should be able to add to his post “Matt also did this”