I don’t think exposure therapy works I think there’s just a lot of sadism in the field of psychology

McAfee needs a Trump Phone

“So now I have been drinking everyday, not a ton and just beers but like 6-12 a day.” Oh yeah that’s an alcoholic

Sleep talking boyfriend expectations: No… This is wrong… You’re her best friend! Sleep talking boyfriend reality: [unintelligible] [unintelligible] the mizzenmast

My dad always told me “don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to” and I thought that was him imparting wisdom from his knowledge as a lawyer; like, I guess that’s how he won cross examinations? Then last week I was watching Men In Black 2 on cable and Will Smith said it twice

4-13

After looking at phone for two hours

Look I don’t recommend watching this Nation’s Dumbest show that I’m watching, but it is nice to see that Andrew Yang is dumb as fuck

FIFA World Cup’s New Overtime Rules - First possession per team - Which comes first: score or possession - If coin flip is heads, elect to kick or receive. Same if tails, once possessions - If a goal is kicked on first possession, team on field must acquiesce

These are the elite athletes of the world, with insane physical skills, they can easily twist and contort themselves even while mid-air to turn an actual fall into a flop

I need everyone who drives a car to understand: when people say they want public transit to grow and individual car use to decline, they mean that you personally are the entirety of the problem. If you think you have a reasonable excuse to own or use a car, you don’t, and you should be stoned to dea

Watching Argentina on tv is so funny because most of soccer goes at about the same pace but then there’s this tiny little guy at the bottom of the screen and if the ball comes near him everything speeds up as everyone on the other team noticeably freaks out

I don’t remember much from our big trip to Mexico but I remember chilling in the hotel for a bit watching tv because of how funny my dad thought Spanish-dubbed The Simpsons was. “Soy Kent Brockman” cracked him, and us kids, up for years. They spent thousands of $ and that’s my “core memory” lol

The manliest one can possibly look is “something Charlize Theron would wear on an average day”

Microsoft bought it with money loaned to them by Open AI

Yeah because (((they))) spent a lot of money to prove Elon wrong

More rappers should be like Flo Rida and use their state’s name as the basis for their rap name. Meet PA’s newest rapper Vanilla Penys

You really need to read this

Have we considered that rich people don’t actually care about oil they’re just addicted to every form of dinosaur detritus

Meeting your partner’s parents is like the part at the end of a Christopher Nolan movie when all the bizarre shit from the beginning starts to make sense

Shady no!!!!!!!

Seems inaccurate to call this a diarrhea “outbreak,” like something suddenly changed or didn’t go according to plan. I think this is just what American food is now

BOROMIR: What new devilry is this? ME: it’s a new cereal flavor. I don’t know how they made it either. I think General Mills has access to dark magicks BOROMIR: Isildur’s Bane is found. ME: yeah that guy fuckin loved root beer BOROMIR: It is a gift. ME: it’s just breakfast dude

To be clear even if you did catch a rabbit, you still wouldn’t be no friend of mine. Wtf are you doing with that rabbit

I relate everything to football the same way Eagles fans compare every defensive coordinator to Buddy Ryan

[in a panic the day before a five-day vacation] oh my god i need to buy 18 shirts

Is it really that hard to change your clocks twice a year so you can have the most daylight possible throughout the year?? Am *I* the crazy one

Every day my cat screams “pay attention to me!” and every day I do. If there’s anything more to life I don’t care to know about it

Thank you for your nonsensical response, to clarify, [copy/pastes email I sent the first time]

The manliest thing you can do is shut the fuck up. A man with something to say is no man at all. Oh do you have a podcast? Is it about your period? Oh are you making a big political speech? Is it to your stuffed animals? Oh are you giving an interview? …is it about your period?

The last time I flew on a plane, something I’d done dozens of times, I finally realized Elaine calls that guy “vegetable lasagna” in that episode of Seinfeld, which I’ve seen dozens of times, because that was his dinner order. This whole time I thought it was some kind of slur because he was foreign

Number of birds

U will see lots of this in the next coming days but than when you look again later it will all disappear. They knew he was going to die but they will cover it up and claim it was all natural. Nothing to see hear, no trail to follow, no money here nope nope. Everything is fine sheeple don’t ask ?s

This is the same “magical Other” thinking that led to people imagining a working class that loved Platner that you had to kowtow to. There’s no reason not to speak accurately about Graham and say that his life’s work added up to him being a piece of shit

ME: It’s important to remember that everyone grieves in their own way, and to offer them grace as they try to move forward DAIRY QUEEN CAKE DECORATOR: right. Sorry was that “Lindsay” with an -ay or -ey? ME: E-Y, thank you

Wawas are coming to this area of PA and everyone knows I’m from Philly so they ask me questions about it. Look, Wawa is alright but Wawa was just… Wawa was always there for me, you know?

Hope Helen of Troy sees this bro

Now that everyone has turned against the Nazi oyster man I want to say that I am for him. It’s time we fight fire with fire. Why should we let Republicans get all the rapist Nazis

I don’t understand the purpose of “RPG” as a genre of video game. Every video game is a role-playing game. I’m not actually Dragonborn. Or John Madden

Avril Lavigne: he’s in a band. And famous for making music. Which is why I call him “skater boy” Millions of people: Understood

It is rare, but not unheard of, for Mitch McConnells at this late stage to enter a chrysalis akin to the one they created when they were in their larval state, to die in peacefully. The so-called “death pupae” has never fully been explained by scientists.

He’s going to officially change his name to “Travis Kelce (Taylor’s Version)”

I dunno maybe I just watch too many movies but I don’t think “he just jumped out” is the whole story

Well gang, it’s time to face the facts here. I was wrong about Graham Platner, and I was wrong for a long time about something that lots of other people were, fairly quickly and fairly easily, correct about. And I just have to own it, there’s really only one person to blame for all this: Ilhan Omar

It is rare, but not unheard of, for Mitch McConnells at this late stage to enter a chrysalis akin to the one they created when they were in their larval state, to die in peacefully. The so-called “death pupae” has never fully been explained by scientists.

They started at the top and worked their way down

I spent all last year screaming this about Saquon, good to see the numbers agree