Asked my son if he knows where a certain friend lives. He said "no but I know she has a pool and she's not inviting me to her birthday party because her dad hates me" just so matter-of-factly and unprompted and my heart broke as my blood boiled. My son is far from perfect but he's 8!!

Found out yesterday my son's buddy's 6 y/o little brother got hit by a fire truck on his bike the other day, lifeflight and 2 emergency surgeries hopefully saved his leg, and a GoFundMe already raised $28k for the family. What a nightmare and an amazing small town community.

happy 9th anniversary to the day we watched Zendaya fall madly in love with Tom Holland in real-time

Spent mother's day with my girlfriends since kindergarten and their families walking among flowers and trolls. Next to a path with no fanfare or glory, easy to not even notice, and full of holes, was Mother Earth looking stunning while radiating all the mom vibes

I hope every mom out there has exactly the day she deserves 💖

Once I cut off that dopamine button from Prime "savings" and had a real look at the crap that comes from all those packages, it was SO easy to go cold turkey. Highly recommend trying it, just the tip, see how it feels

You know the rule (And if you don't know, no shame but how'd you miss it all these years? Doesn't matter bc now you know - you have to share this video any and every time it crosses your skyline or other feed. I didn't make the rule but I fuckin' live by it without exception)

Sleeping was surprisingly fine and didn't help or hurt this at all. Still can't tilt my head to the left, like, at all, and my reflection looks like my shoulders are crooked (my husband neither confirmed nor denied my comment on that 🤔) but no other issues. WTF, body?

Another day, another temporary (🤞🏼) partially debilitating weird crick in my neck from simply *sitting* at my desk 😬

Lol I mean FML, definitely needed another bullshit problem with unknown path to repair/preventing repetition 🙃

Hm. So we have the guy up to his ears in red flags that are being ignored at breakneck speed, another guy who is thus far unremarkable either way, and write-in feminist who seems to have a grasp on real dinner table issues and who Susan Collins called the cops on for sidewalk chalk outside her house

I'd like a refund for my con law tuition charges

One of my top 5 books that entered my life only bc I had kids, truly just so fucking relatable

These post-vaca toots are absolutely justifying a WFH Monday if ever I needed one 🥴

Ban oral conversations and audio without headphones on airplanes

NOLA cemeteries next to jazzfest have....jokes? 😬

Got a day pass for a hotel pool and homegirl is living her best life

Living bubba gump's dream this week -- fried shrimp poboy for lunch yesterday, sauteed shrimp pasta for dinner last night, fried and sauced shrimp tacos for lunch today, all shrimp leftovers for dinner tonight 😍🍤

Woke up in NOLA to 60° feels like 49° and rainy, and I tell you, our pivot to carry-on luggage only did NOT account for weather below 65° 😬

We're staying in a house with central air and proper vent fans in all the bathrooms and coming from our house with only natural wind circulating the air and no bathroom vent fans, this is a lot of ambient noise after a very overstimulating and long travel day 😵‍💫

I think we're about to be able to fly for a week vacation with 2 kids and zero checked bags, but I feel like I'm being punked bc what's my giant lightweight wheelie supposed to do now besides nest my carryon between travels?

Drop your crime fighting catholics

Bless my child for seeing today's "decades day" theme for spirit week at school and choosing 2020s so he just wore his usual wacky 8-year-old attire and needed no assistance from me to dress up 🙌🏼

That's what I'm looking for in a senator, someone who does his math on the back of a napkin. And didn't bother to research or cover his Nazi tattoos for decades. But really the napkin math is what gets my vote

Tomorrow is biweekly house cleaner day and I'm going to have a Hard Time convincing myself and 2 kids (who already fucking ignore everything I say) that cleaning up for the cleaners is an important mission to complete before 8 pm bedtime 🙃

Listening to the astronauts chatting with Houston and everyone nerding out in genuine delight at what they're seeing with the naked eye is the good stuff, folks 🥰

Finally a warm sunny Saturday morning and snow melt has revealed more litter than I can stand so we packed the wagon with trash bags and gloves and snacks and told every boomer who walked by thanking us without lifting a finger themselves "I just don't want to live in a trash can 😁"

I'm still sore from increasing weights to compensate for shortened workout time on Wednesday and itching to pulverize the fascism so this hits exactly close enough to home this morning

I've been delightfully reading all the throwbacks that have hit my skyline and am shocked that this hasn't appeared even once

Alt+168 bc I need to communicate how hot this shit is 🔥

Mine's still on but check yours and use alt text, friends!

My uncle-in-law is the epitome of a stereotypical brainwashed boomer in literally every way. I really fucking hope he doesn't try to see us during our visit NOLA (land of my in-laws) next month, bc I've been building rage at his FB posts in the years since we've seen him and won't hold my tongue 💁🏼‍♀️

Moving into my new corner office today 💅🏼 And continuing to sort through the chaos left behind by its prior resident 🫠

The timing of this unusual wave of chaos and long hours at work is aligning nicely with my not getting lost in the firehose of news about *gestures aimlessly at all of it* that would otherwise likely throw me into a spiral

Son's friend got dropped off at the same time as him this morning, which meant his friend's mom and I had a quick curbside vent and commiserate ranging from Iran to Inbox Zero to whether our kids can floss their own teeth before parting ways to be boss bitches and I absolutely needed that

You know the rules 👯‍♀️☔

Multi-stall bathrooms with motion-activated lights need to have motion sensors inside each stall how is this not a universal feature by now

Everywhere else, it's just a regular Tuesday 💜💚💛 (Including here, but mentally I'm out there catching throws and drinking a bloody mary)

My 7 y/o may be dressed in a grim reaper costume but he just asked his little dressed-as-royalty sister if she wants help saving the queendom so I think we're doing something right 👸🏼

We are 1 hour into February vacation for 2/4 of our household and I'm already wildly overstimulated and depleted of patience 🫠

Son wants to copy his buddy's Valentine's class gifts from last year, which were ready-to-gift individually packaged polished rocks. Realizing my last-minute DIY version basically would have my son putting a loose rock in the hand of everyone in his 2nd grade classroom 😬

My dad had a major accident to his eye a few months ago and has become a regular at Mass Eye & Ear, and I still can't get over the name of the cafe in the main lobby of this 16-floor hospital dedicated to eye (and ear) care 👀

Our high school planned a walkout protest today. How surprising that the whole district has a 2-hour delay (at least) to investigate threats made toward multiple schools. I can explain a snow delay to my 7 y/o, but a threat delay? I know it's small potatoes among *everything* but add it to the list🙃

Not my toddler puking at daycare at 8 am to force me to partake in today's general strike by snuggling on the couch with her 🙃

Last week, my uncle told me the problem is that younger folks "don't want to get out and march" and, relatedly, they just spend their days staring at their phones. He's intelligent, involved, liberal, reads the news, and listened as I politely and firmly corrected his misunderstanding. But still!

WUT THA FUCK

Senate Republicans are on the floor talking about abortion rn. Like, the gift of life directly from God himself, that you can't decide whether to carry but the government can steal and imprison and torture after you've given birth. And that's their contribution to debate of government funding? AYFKM

Me: oh good, we can use the snow day for some play with the kids and unpack and reset from our weekend with family 3-year-old: 🤮🤮🤮🤮

I hope every ice vehicle that tries to drive today slides into a snowy ditch and nobody comes to tow them out 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

I'll take credit here, my strongly worded voicemail the other night tipped the scales for him no doubt. Which means he'll also be invoking the 25th amendment any day, since that was the 2nd half of my message 🙏🏼