Covering The Style Council but changing the words to “I really like it when you speak like A. Chiles” and it’s all about doing mundane things in a Brummie accent

Big 20th anniversary of becoming a top shagger today. Just wanna shout out all the legends that have helped me come this far, and not ever lose the love of the game. Here’s to 20 more

If you want me asking football trivia in your festive ears, get on this: podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/u...

I hate Steve Smith

It’s been about 25 years and Zoe Slater is still up there on my all time crushes

Saw a film today that had two Aaron Wan Bissaka jokes in it

Dad keeps sending me AI images of my grandad meeting himself at different ages. He’s been gone 22 years, let him rest.

I don’t care that she’s blind, I’m sick to death of Ann Mok

The PlayStation advert at the cinema where there’s a petrol tanker impaled on a scraper. What has it got to do with playing a game at all? (Or, mostly, using my PlayStation to watch streaming apps)

Mum and step dad visiting for the weekend. Mum won’t stop talking about her Super 6. Constantly checking her phone to see how she’s doing on Super 6. Getting upset because she backed the draw for Spurs/Fulham. It’s not conducive to an enjoyable life.

Is there a better 21st century (and explicitly 21st century) love song than Don’t Delete The Kisses?

I’m not saying I’m hungover but I just burst into tears at the Loco Lounge because they started playing Nico’s These Days at 9.05am

Every advert on a iHeartRadio podcast sounds like an advert from a Grand Theft Auto radio station but without any jokes

Incredibly sobering realisation that the snake handler in the trailer for the upcoming (and abysmal looking) ANACONDA reboot is the dad from I’M STILL HERE. Being an actor hey

Just thinking about TRAIN DREAMS and how lucky I am to be alive and to be moved by art

Dangerously into Tangfastics lately. There’s always too many cherries. I tell myself I don’t like the cherries. I eat the cherries all the same.

Today has been mostly me screaming into my own skull

Gutted to find out I am the quiz champion in the works of Richard Curtis, a man I fucking detest

Love to see two films back to back at the cinema and book the same seat for both!

You know when you’re not having an interesting day when you eat a raw carrot just to feel something

Just watched A Serious Man for the first time in 16 years

I’ve tricked myself into liking days where I go into the office because I have a great lunch and I stay incredibly hydrated because refilling my water bottle gives me something to do

Haven’t got the usual birthday melancholy today (18th birthday, half my life ago, playing Guitar Hero III in my pants all day remains the high/lowpoint) but also not “wow I’m alive and excited to be 35”

When I see Tayris on #DragRaceUK I just see a Gen Z Gary Wilmot

Just teared up thinking about what a wonderful man Big John is #bosh

Every time I see clips of Starmer’s speech, I just see this: youtu.be/8lMexzk3TA8?...

Guys, do you remember when Dec gave Ant a magic eye book and it made his eyes pop out of his skull, so Dec and Cat started Ant Aid to raise money and they released the charity single Blink for Ant, with Victoria Beckham and Billie Piper and Louise and Martine McCutcheon?

Finding it very hard to sleep lately as I have the folk song/sea shanty Barrett’s Privateers so firmly stuck in my head

Ocean Colour Scene’s Moseley Shoals. Also, if I’m a 34 year old man, he’s listening to Moseley Shoals. Either way, my lungs are filled with secondhand smoke and I’m nauseous

I hate being in London at the best of times, but the heat yesterday was so oppressive that I was almost tempted to jump in the river and drown

Few things bringing me as much joy in life at the moment than the complete shambles that is Sheffield United Football Club

Went to a wedding where 2 speeches were in the form of a poem with an ABAC rhyme scheme. Neither then managed to fit the scansion or rhyme that they had set themselves. Why do it to yourself? And why make me listen? During the second my sister took a drag of her vape and said “I wish this was crack”

Went to the Proms last night (Shostakovich’s 5th) and really enjoyed it, despite not being a big classical guy I really like how at the start the orchestra plays the sound from turning a PlayStation 3 on, presumably to signal that you’re going to have a great time

You know I am old because I’ve just written a letter of complaint to the BBC

Last night was the best night of the year: Fantasy Football Draft night. Unseen are the fake hot takes, limericks and "celebrity" videos that decided the draft order, but who has got the best team?

Shock of my life hearing @loscampesinos.bsky.social in the music round of this week’s Round Britain Quiz on Radio 4 (didn’t help me answer the question, mind)

Palestinian statehood is not a bargaining chip. It is not a threat. It is an inalienable right of the Palestinian people. Our demands on this shameful government remain the same: end all arms sales to Israel, impose widespread sanctions, and stop the genocide, now.

Every day that fucking ham-headed cunt says something to disgust me to levels hitherto unimaginable. Fuck Starmer, fuck Labour.

Heartbreaking to read the Guardian article about mixtapes and none of the anecdotes being about the frankly superb ones I made between 2009 and 2019

Another great day in the office being given nothing to do and mostly reading Wikipedia

Enjoying Steve Reich on Cerys’ 6Music show, but now hankering for the existence of Steve Reich’s Sunday Love Songs

Lot of investigation into John Torode saying a slur on Masterchef, but none into Lisa Egghead saying the n-word twice when I was recording it

Hoping I’m not the only person doing the Barry Friendship double bill in cinemas today

Really think this is my best ever look, but more importantly, any idea who the woman is on the screen?

I’m a punk rocker yes I am

Don’t know who these people are criticising The Bear again this season. Great TV!

My primary memory of 7/7 is getting home from school to a message on Habbo Hotel from a friend asking if I was alright because there’d been an attack, and then never hearing back from them again

Working on an impression of how Richard Kind says John Mulaney’s name during the introductions on Everybody’s Live. Nearly there.

Honestly cannot think of anything more embarrassing than going to a convention and paying for a picture with an actor

My sister lives in Cardiff and my mum has spent the last 24 hours texting the family group chat asking about “the vibe” every ten minutes