People saying they want the Nightshift version of The Pitt. I’m waiting for the Loot adjacent show about the billionaires and their follies and pitfalls called “Tool.”

I love that Ashley Padilla does all these mom characters like she’s Bonnie Hunt, because, you know, she’s basically Bonnie Hunt. #SNL

Happy Mothra’s Day

I can’t tell if I need deep rest or if I’m just depressed.

Did they change the ethnicity of the General from those commercials?

For at least 344 people, the hill that they would die on is Mount Everest. May they “ever rest” on that precarious precipice.

The trailer for the movie Entrapment was a very formative moment for young Brycen.

I think they should change the name of Gushers to ‘splodsies.

New KFC Colonel alert! Actor Timothy V. Murphy.

The Simpsons sells Simpson cels of Simpson cells.

You just don’t see a lot of people named Strom nowadays.

At the DMV in Culver City and the cops were called because some guy was screaming, “where’s Tim Meadows?! Where are you hiding him?!” over and over again.

You know what would be a bad name for a bar? Epstein Bar.

I can already tell that Harry and the Hendersons is/will be better than the new Harry Potter series. #johnlithgow

I call dibs on Woody Harrelson’s Simpsons crew jacket with patches and his 5-timer club smoking veston.

I have BDE. Big Dork Energy. Dork /dôrk/ Noun : Penis. Often, a whale’s penis.

Initially, I knew Stanley Tucci solely based on his supporting turn in the movie Beethoven. I don’t know if I should be ashamed of that fact or proud.

What’s the opposite of constitution?

A great name for a coven of witches could be Hex Hoes, so they can end any correspondence with XO, the Hex Hoes.

Carnac the Magnificent: (envelope to his head) “Chase Infinity. Chase Infinity.” (Opens envelope) Carnac the Magnificent: “What the rolling hills scene on the road in the climax was in One Battle After Another.” “Hi-oh!”

Somewhere there’s a Marty out there without sour cream.

I just started the new season of The Not So Secret Lives of Not So Mormon Not So Much Wives.

Following suit, I will be making a pie for Pi day. It will be a Marion Barry pie. That is to say, it will be filled with cocaine.

I, Frankenstein, I, Robot, and I, Tanya are a very odd trilogy that has me reeling.

If Ryan Coogler wins Best Director this weekend, I would hope he invokes the name of Oscar Micheaux.

I’m thinking of creating a “Where’s Waldo” type book, but with Shelly Miscavige. I’d call it a “Miscavigenger Hunt.”

Look! In the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s both, because it’s “Sully” Sullenberger’s Miracle on the Hudson. (I wrote this 17 years ago and I forgot to post this)

No ledge is power. Especially if that power is delaying or preventing suicide by jumping off buildings.

I need to settle something. Is eating a pint of Hagen Dazs ice cream in one sitting too much or fine?

Neo’s pouring’ Neosporin in Ne-Yo’s porn.

One After 909 is a sequel to Ticket To Ride.

She has an hourglass figure. I have an Ira Glass figurine. We are not the same.

I don’t know who Arnaud is, but someone’s pissed at him!

Remember when SNL almost killed Jeff Daniels?

Last night I dreamt I was hired on at The Simpsons. A dream, I’ve longed for and almost achieved a few years back. I awoke to sadness.

No after how clever I am at creating fake names, I will never be able to make fake names that compare to the real names of those that work on Fresh Air with Terry Gross…

Why did they call it Eyes Wide Shut and not Illuminaughty?

HBO MAX is an anagram for Ham Box. And I’ll never forget that. And you shouldn’t either.

What was up with fireworks in West LA last night? Celebrating Presidents’ Day or what?

I never, in a million years thought I’d use the word xiphoid process so much in my life. I do NOT work in healthcare.

Season 3 of The Pitt better have a crossover episode with It’s Always Sunny. Rickety Cricket featuring prominently? Episode basically writes itself! #myidea #illsue

The Heimlich Maneuver sounds less like a life saving medical process and more like some Nazi sign or gesture.

Did people even like Floyd, the character, from 30 Rock

It’s like trying to put a 1982 TV show starring Sarah Jessica Parker into a round 2003 film starring Shia Labeouf.

What’s up?

When is Harrison Ford getting an honorary Oscar?

It’s basically the middle of Winter. February starts tomorrow. And today in LA it was in the 80s.

Netflix and Scorsese release the SCTV reunion movie NOW!!!

Odd that “black and white” means clear.