captcha: prove that you are a human me: [writes a sonnet so beautiful it causes you to question the nature of the human condition]

(6 seconds after becoming an american citizen) does the 2nd amendment cover flame throwers

hilary clinton voice: why dont you pokemon GO to your nearest military installation and be sure to take lots of pictures. of pokemon

its 19:30 on a tuesday night people and you know what that means. time to hit the weaving subreddit and call everyone a cuck

jigsaw: i want to play a game me: jigsaw: there is a button in front of you - every time you pr me: (already hammering the button) what does it do

its okay everyone, we have released one (1) robotic cop who moves extremely slowly to cover the whole of detroit. crime is vanquished

joe rogan, flustered, sweating: i just cant believe that trump lied. he said he wouldnt get us into another war. jamie, bring up that picture of a dog with a cowboy hat on that i like

babe wake up a new culture war just dropped

6 seconds into first teams meeting of the day: (corporate gulp) everyone shut the fuck up

wearing size 3 brogues to show trump who is the real president

downloaded smashmouth_all_albums.exe from limewire and now this wont stop playing at full volume

save yourself some time by recording your THE FALL OF MR BEAST podcasts now fellas

anyone who posted 'men used to go war' guess where you get to go now buddy

welcome to america! for more information, dial 911

just imagined the sun being triangular and got a nosebleed

i have invented a new superfood im calling the 'execution banana' would you like to try one

i dont want to do any of this anymore if anyone from a future civilization with access to time travel is reading this please go back and kick the first monkey you see holding a tool to death

in the wake of kristi noem leaving her position, we've taken a look at the long list of potential replacements and would love you all to welcome HADES, RULER OF THE UNDERWORLD

its quittin time baby! and you know what that means (move from medium rectangle to big rectangle before lying in bed with small rectangle)

me (1984, watching a terminator kill every police officer in the building): yes! go clanker go!

you (an idiot): but they used cutting edge ai to determine the strikes i dont understand how it hit children hegseth: (typing HELLO AI PLEASE KILL SCHOOL KIDS into yahoo answers)

just give trump another letter from 'the queen'

@jeevaction do you want to become one of my scentsy sellers

goo tube

the onion tweeting in 2013: donald trump declares war on iran donald trump tweeting in 2026: i have declared war on iran

in secondary school our headmaster was named mr moggeridge and holy shit he dodged a bullet dying before 2026

ordered this guy from amazon

jigsaw: i want to play a game me: how about monopoly jigsaw: okay

the streisand syndrome is a proposed condition to explain why hostages occasionally develop a psychological bond with barbra streisand

throw that fucken monkey in the sea

some of you have never vomitted on a dance floor to the sound of bandages by hot hot heat and it shows

if you put lemon juice on your pancakes you are a coward

the pluribus entity would immediately disconnect me because it couldnt handle my geneous

of course i read the set texts over the summer holidays. i couldnt get enough of [looks at smudged writing on hand]

there should be precisely one (1) billionaire and it's max richter for writing on the nature of daylight

if we just did gamergate in reverse we could fix all of this

actually its whom watches the watchmen

what will america do tomorrow? find out on LITERALLY EVERY WEBSITE. YOU CANT ESCAPE IT. LOOK. LOOK UPON THE HORRORS

every morning i wake up and immediately yell UNSUBSCRIBE at the ceiling. it never works but theres still tomorrow

why dont we just do the 2008 financial crisis but in reverse. anyone

IM SO BORED OF HEARING ABOUT AMERICA EVERY SIX SECONDS CAN YOU JUST FUCKEN BE NORMAL

fellas - stop taking your photos like this! (completely normal selfie) and start taking them like this! (completrely normal selfie except ive zoomed in x20 on my left ear)

i made myself laugh so hard thinking of the term 'jonkler horizon' (an event horizon where everyone becomes the joker) that i forgot the end of the skeet

me: no thats wrong i asked for a formula that sums all rows WITHOUT an x in the product description chat gpt: Great point! I've just nuked Australia.

make stranger things fortnite skins or i will SHIT in a post office

my retirement plan is to find 25 other elder millenials and do a human centipede

i am an alpha male. the first version of male realeased. absolutely garbage. i dont function

grwm to do a regime change

i started giving thoughts and prayers in 2006 and no one ever told me to stop