hello i am the median voter. i vote entirely on how based you are and how much you will hurt people who are cringe

growing up is realising i will never be as happy as the day in 1992 i bought home a super nintendo

ive just got out of a meeting with the president who has committed to build Data Centre Prime to analyse the reasons for the heatwaves

they should do laser removal on more things. like politicians

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT TH

[absolute fucken freakout thom yorke idioteque dance] thanks for dialing in everyone - just wanted to cover off re: yesterdays call and the q3 deliverables

i need to buy some crisp n dry but there are 300 wellness influencers in the seed oil aisle with tripods and everything

another man from nantucket? how many of these guys are there

garth marengi should have been 18 seasons and a movie

ordering a pair of meta glasses for each side of my head and becoming the walking panopticon

finally lads a new PM nows our time [everything continues to get worse forever] drat!

thats a load off

my ten year plan is to get more and more tired until i disappear

jigsaw origin story is just kevin mcallister in home alone

wondering what sort of midlife crisis im going to get

i dont care which football team you identify with stop trying to force your lifestyle on me

put this guy on our money

GENDER REVEAL WARHEAD

im 44 and dont know what maths is. is it too late for me to become a quant

tilly norwood snuff film

THE CHILDREN YEARN FOR BEEHIVE BEDLAM

they should give the pope a rocket launcher and let people really see God's Divine Justice

this is incredibly niche, but whenever i see sam altman i think of kunt & the gang

what idiot called it twilight and note bae (a wolf)

dumbledore never even got to experience clavicular

i stay up until midnight waiting for my weekly outlook digest

a lot of people lament the loss of the third space, conveniently forgetting the fourth space (swamp)

going to reply to at least one (1) email tomorrow and refer to someone as 'hoss'

waiter: are you ready to order? me, 6 years old: do you have fish fingers father, red faced and sweating profusely: shtu the fuck up youre having a phall

i feel like humanity may be finally ready for a White shrek

me (about to remortgage at historic low interest rates for the next 10 years): i cant believe my luck trump, whose tweets seem to control every financial insitution on earth for some reason: mortgages, are gay. they should be more expsensive

blew the horn of gondor and a boiled egg came out

happy valentines day. i bought you a rotisserie chicken

i asked chatgpt to generate a dril tier tweet and my computer turned off

any time anyone stops me from doing anything: open the fuckin' strait!!!!

Could an empire in decline do THIS? *launches deeply unpopular invasion cementing status as lunatic-led pariah state, its not clear what kind of move i was trying to do*

EXCELLENT TROLLING SIR,

master has given dobby a glock

if It Hapens on easter weekend i am fully gouing to lose it chat

porn is getting weird

chatgpt is a soyboy beta cuck

is this roko's basilisk

turns out you can actually just stop oil

just imagined an world with no america and almost cried with conceptual beauty

my tinder bio specifically says NO EGGS and yet here we are another inbox full of egg pictures

this woman could stop a panzer tank

captcha: prove that you are a human me: [writes a sonnet so beautiful it causes you to question the nature of the human condition]