busy mum

why is this photo of me and my dad giving sitting president and upstart homosexual diplomat

can’t believe somebody, somewhere, FINALLY decided to explore the story of The Beatles! What took them so long??

got new glasses

spent 2 minutes having to explain WHAT BRIDGET JONES IS to my gen z colleagues this morning

…I beg your pardon

gaga got on the mic for abracadabra and gave us treguna mekoides trecorum statis CVNT

where’s his supporting actor nomination??

going to three birthday celebrations over this weekend but still on dry jan

monday again is it

how it feels every time I flick my big winter scarf™ over my shoulder

sorry but I spent 20 minutes this morning diligently stirring porridge on the hob like some fairytale bear on the proviso that it would keep me full until lunchtime, it’s 9:45 and I am RAVENOUS whomst do I blame for this? WHOMST

it's time to kill the music it's time to cut the lights it's time to fight the Muppets in the parking lot tonight

first gym session of the year tonight after 3 weeks off

back in the office, you can tell it’s january because there’s packets of rice cakes EVERYWHERE

humbling to realise producers decide if you’re a thirst trap faithful or a comedy bit faithful - imagine thinking you’re going to be given a sexy shot of you in a towel and instead they hand you a chefs hat to wear to bed because you said you liked cooking once #TheTraitors

happy new year from the oldest student at shiz university and his inexplicably younger looking oz sugar daddy

my thoughts for 2025 x

going into 2025 saying ‘new year, new me!’ and ‘I’m doing dry jan!’ with no intention of doing or changing anything

two yorkshire puddings, filled with turkey, stuffing, pigs in blankets, mayo, horseradish and cranberry sauce. I WIN LEFTOVERS.

gay icon

Merry Christmas from your favourite secondary school history teacher who in his spare time enjoys using his metal detector at the beach, collecting vintage train timetables, and who, you discover years later via hometown grindr, is into pup play.

it’s all about balance x

this justin baldoni/blake lively episode of who? weekly is FASCINATING

made mum one (1) margarita and since then we’ve been treated to a full stand up routine, tearful reminiscences of dead relatives and hysterical laughter - christmas baby!

getting so close to my favourite part of the season, oomfs secretly rich family home reveals on socials! kitchen islands! a front room AND a sitting room! both with trees! is that an aga?!!

Pamela Anderson I love you! So me coded

of course, hair suddenly decides to behave on the day it’s getting cut……too late pal!!

same

guess who’s drunk

off to my bf’s work christmas party, ready to rinse the free wine, tell some greatest hit anecdotes and flirt with somebody’s husband

same

took this at 3am last night whilst bored waiting for the night bus home and…sorry but why was the lighting under this bridge in waterloo so good??

black doves on netflix is the perfect balance of well-acted sexy shiny british drama and absolute fucking nonsense and we are DEVOURING it

have always been unhappy with my arms but recently i’ve started seeing some progress at the gym and i feel so 🥹🥹🥹

may have the top 5 of everybody else in your feed but in my heart of hearts i’m just an old gay man who would have been queening out to the trolley song in 1944 x

christmas trees should have one theme only and it’s ‘explosion at the tat factory’

somebody at work just tried to skip have yourself a merry little christmas on the office playlist

pleased to report the lindsay lohan christmas movie is an absolute DELIGHT lilo is back baby!!

went to a our straight friends baby shower today and I fear we may have slipped into homosexual parody with our gift…a set of keith haring branded children’s bath toys

if i lose ANOTHER account to a porn bot hack i stg I will just pivot into being a porn account, i can’t be doing this a third time

just had to ask google translate how to write ‘ok’ in spanish. turns out it’s just…ok.

show me a picture on your phone that has your energy but isn’t a selfie

bf is drying his hair and I can hear him singing defying gravity through the wall my lil elfagba 💚🥹

a straight friend asked me last night what gay bluesky was like and the only word I could think of was ‘feral’

you’ll have to speak up i’m wearing a towel

somebody in my tube carriage has chip shop chips and the scent of them is making me FERAL

weekend plans

cinematic parallels #RHOBH