YES. 👇

Honestly, this is the state of my brain right now. I really, really, REALLY wish this was satire. But here in 2025, I seriously think I actually believe all this shit. #MostOfTheConspiracyTheoriesAreDeadRight 😉👇

BREAKING NEWS 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐒' 𝐍𝐎𝐍-𝐃𝐎𝐌𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐗 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐃 𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐔𝐓-𝐎𝐅-𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊 𝐁𝐔𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐒 Nope, I kid you not. Morning all, and have a great weekend. ❤️😁

Our papers really are Farridge's used wet wipes. NOT ONE MENTION of yesterday's Pension Bill reading. #BackToSquareOneWithLabour

BREAKING NEWS 𝐖𝐎𝐊𝐄 𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒𝐍'𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐀𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐄! 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐋: 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒! Of *course* this is how the Faily Heil frames the whole Employment Rights Bill. It's a triumph, and the Mail are reactionary, misogynistic twats, obvs. Morning all. 😉❤️

Leave Rachel alone, you cunts. Only the Mirror gets the story right. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure "other stuff" is happening in other corners of our sorry little planet. Morning all. 😢

BREAKING NEWS 𝐁𝐘𝐄 𝐁𝐘𝐄, 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐁 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐁 𝐁𝐎𝐒𝐒! That Bojo stooge Davie knew *exactly* what he was doing. He was there. Riling up his mate Nigel's base and their Press cronies, and stoking the Netanyahu/US narrative. Keir: go over Lisa Nandy's head and act NOW! Morning all. ❤️😊 #FantasyLabourPolicies

I'll give you a U-turn that never gets fucking mentioned: Imagine a bumbling former mayor deciding to switch overnight to Vote Leave just to ride "popular opinion" and get his sausage fingers on the keys to Number 10... Morning all. It's good to be back. Kind of. 😉❤️

"In church hall if wet" ©️ HMHB 👏😆 Morning all!

Two of @nickabbot.bsky.social 's Tяump Bingo Card predictions are coming true today, aren't they? 😢 - Protesters will be shot with live rounds - King Jong Orange will wear a fake military uniform The only question will be: how many medals? 🍊💩

BREAKING NEWS Faily Heil columnist grifter attempts yet again to attract attention of other Faily Heil columnist grifter I'll be swiping left thanks, Nads. Apologies, everyone - morning! 😉❤️

... and while we're on the subject of things Californian, I was going to post this last night, but I got rather distracted... This is inspiring and monumentally important from #GavinNewsom The next President? ✊️🙏 youtu.be/yHhOmULCHUE?...

This. God bless you, Brian. ❤️🙏

Flib flab blubbalub flub flibba blah blah Insurrection Act fib flab Fascist blubbawubba Owning the Libs. 😳 #Hoganspeak

Civil war in America, as forensically covered by our esteemed national press, envy of the world. Jesus Christ. Sleepwalking. AGAIN. Morning all. 😢🙏❤️

©️ Kevin, Lol and Graham, 1973 I was living in LA at the time of the "Rodney King Riots". It was terrifying. This is on a different scale altogether. God help America. 😢🙏 #WeAreAllAngelinos

Oh, this is magnificent. 😁👏👏 Forget "No Kings Day": someone please just give @nickabbot.bsky.social @lbc the job! This is somehow EXTREMELY dark and blisteringly funny at the same time... 😳 Morning all. ❤️ #FascistFun youtu.be/FVK2my1IYLE?...

OK. Now let me get this right... The world is in freefall. Riots on US streets, genocide in Gaza, war in Europe, President is a paedophile. And so our Great Big Beautiful Broadcasting Corporation chooses to lead with these. 😶 @lisanandymp.bsky.social : sort this fucking shit out! #TheBBCisDead

Kindly stick it right back up your arse, Tufton Street. And your faschy Farridge-fluffing media mates. Phff. That feels better. Morning lovely threadies. ☺️❤️ #WokeIsCool

Such is my fragile handle on sanity, all it takes is a decent round of daily papers to lift my mood and make me think 🦄 T͓̽H͓̽E͓̽ ͓̽W͓̽O͓̽K͓̽E͓̽R͓̽A͓̽T͓̽I͓̽ ͓̽S͓̽H͓̽A͓̽L͓̽L͓̽ ͓̽I͓̽N͓̽H͓̽E͓̽R͓̽I͓̽T͓̽ ͓̽T͓̽H͓̽E͓̽ ͓̽E͓̽A͓̽R͓̽T͓̽H͓̽!! 🦄 Anyone else feel the same, or am I just being pathetic and naive? 😉🙏

And relax. A bit. Morning all! ☺️❤️ #BackToSquareOneWithLabour

What?! The Midlands and the North? Nice. ☺️ Morning all! ❤️ #BackToSquareOneWithLabour www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

No shit, Sherlock. Morning all! 🙄😁❤️

My wokeometer always goes a bit nuts with this lot, for SO many reasons, but I'm an absolute sucker for the Arraz. Our mate Lucinda put it best: "and we think WE'RE good at our jobs." 😳😁 Alcester Air Show yesterday. And no apologies for the soundtrack. 😉🧀 Morning all, have a great week. ❤️

OH MY GOODNESS. 😯☺️ Meet mini-Maltesers Louie, George and Poppy, the latest visitors to the Macreavy Canine Asylum Seeker Processing Centre. 😁 Not sure my poor old heart can take it! ❤️🙏

Gammon-on-Gammon action. When the far right eat themselves, it's frankly astonishing they don't choke on it. Bon appetit! 😉

COCKWOMBLES OF THE WEEK: There are thousands. But Kuntie Plopkins takes the biscuit. Russelletta Brand and her braindead cohort, literally drooling over the Liverpool psychopath being a brown Muslim who came over 'ere in a small boat. Or trans, obvs. ... 👇

We're in a REALLY silly mood this morning. Must be the chlorinated, er, "chicken"...! He fucking deserves it too, TBF. Looks like he's started a global food fight! Life is a Minestrone, Donny. And death by federal court is a lasagne best served cold. 😉 Chicken Karma for El #TacoBellend. 🐔🌮

Oh, I love the @dailystar.co.uk so, so much. 🎯👏👏😁 Morning lovely people. ❤️

BREAKING NEWS Young racist angry at train no longer owned by Hong Kong property developer Transported back to the 1970s, you say? What, you mean wandering around the fields all day with a big stick? Until tea time? Yep, we'll take it, thanks! Morning all. 😁❤️ #BackToSquareOneWithLabour

What has the UK become? When the first takeaway from our reliable sources of rabid anger-bating is not the horror and tragedy of dozens of innocent Liverpool fans being mown down in the street... ... 👇

Agh. One of Labour's best weeks since July. A good few weeks actually, on the whole. So: this. Fucking exhausting, isn't it? #Leverson

COCKWOMBLES OF THE WEEK: GBBeebieBaby Alex Armstrong and both of his gammon ghouls I'd never come across this born-70 arsenugget until a few days ago. Wow. Former Labour advisor Matthew here tries valiantly to shout truth... 👇 youtu.be/0lkDuV8rFl0?...

My new fantasy is to watch Charles sit Trumple Thinskin* down in front of a big, gawdy fireplace in Buckingham Palace, and force him to watch a video of a young woman pissing on him on Epstein Island. Probably. And all on live TV. "The Art of the Deal". * ©️ Nick Abbot. 👏👏🙏 Morning all!

Two very separate press camps this morning, then. While the "sensible" papers all lead with the horror of Netanyahu's atrocities in Gaza, our three favourite shitrags have more important things on their shrivelled, bitter, Trumpy little minds... 👇

BREAKING NEWS "Brexi-tears" Meltdown: Schrödinger observes sovereignty for first time Turns out, it only exists in its molten form, and only then when it's cruelly taken away. 😉 #ProjectFear ... 👇

Reform UK's refreshing and diligent approach to council leadership continues apace, in characteristically constructive fashion. Their war on the "War on Motorists", then: 😡 More petrol fumes! 😡 More traffic! 😡 Not in my back yard, mind! ...⬇️

BREAKING NEWS Starmer betrays Britain with shorter passport queue surrender! This really made me laugh. If the Tories had secured *a single* Brexit benefit as good as this (or at all!) in the 8 years since the vote, we'd never have heard the last of it! 😆 Nice one, #TopTierKeir. Morning all! ❤️

Eureka! THIS is what we need for a broken world. Harry Hill in Wolverhampton: the Debenhams rap, inter-species Swingball, the Badger Parade, a person dressed as a SCART lead. Oh, and a giant sausage. I almost wet myself laughing! Morning all. ☺️❤️

COCKWOMBLE OF THE WEEK: Donny J (Junket Jumbo) Tяump Is it ethical to describe a mobster with dementia a "cockwomble"? And is "unhingedment" a word? I guess it is now. 😳

BREAKING NEWS Starmer firebomber is... white. But relax. Nothing to see here, shiny-pated, Carling-swigging patriots: it wasn't a story we could "use", any road... The Feil and Biddies Bugle prove the point. In other news, is The Boss "born to run"? I'd vote. 😉 Morning all, happy Friday. ❤️

What could possibly be the cause of an arson attack on a Prime Minister's house? Starmer's regrettable language aside, this has been a LONG time simmering. Look at the state of the Mail and Express headlines here... #FarageRiots will be topping up his well-thumbed petrol cans as we speak.🤬

BREAKING NEWS Happiest and healthiest continent on planet is officially "nastier than CHIIINA" Yep, folks: the rampant greed of US health insurers and Big Pharma is now *our* fault. 'Course it is. 😉 Morning, lovely people! ❤️

Whichever way I look at these announcements on Immigration policy, it just stinks of Farridge Paranoia. A race to the bottom, AGAIN. Futile! Like we could ever out-gammon Gammon Central? Someone please give me a positive take on this! Morning all. 😳🙏❤️ #FantasyLabourPolicies

Two arrogant, lying, corrupt, stopped cocks can be right twice a year. 🕑🕑W⚓️s

Oo, get you Mr "El Salvadoran prisons are woke" New-Low Lowe. YOU'RE HARD! 🙄🐱👜 What a grifting, nasty, racist little prick.

BREAKING NEWS Kuntssberk forgets that Labour has four years left in power, with a massive majority Votes? Already? 🤔 Who fucking cares?! She also says, sneering like a bulldog licking piss off a Bodge Johnson-shaped thistle... 👇

COCKWOMBLES OF THE WEEK: Anyone who's sacked a non-existent Diversity training officer Führage, Crafty Wank, Docker's Wave Jenkyns et al: "All councillors are equal, but some councillors are more equal than others." And how do they react to the ridicule? By doubling down, obvs!

A trade deal with MAGA 2.0? At 3pm, you say? Call me a wokeflake, but doesn't this send the message that the batshit tariffs did the trick? The fact this has been turned around so quickly scares the living shite out of me... Here's my bingo card. What's on yours? Morning all. 🙀❤️ #USUKTradeDeal