Does anybody want these?

She won't let me pull out and insists I call her mommy Call that Freudian Grip

What if he came back?!

"When you're looking at my eyeliner, I know it's messy from my shower, would this be more Kraft mac and cheese, or Velveeta?"

Stop saying I have 30+ notifications if you're going to lump 27 likes into one notification when I check. Thought I finally hit it big on here 😔

I... am sick. 😔

Trump is killing children in Iran to cover up raping children in the US.

I've only played this game twice this month and these are the cards I got. They are pretty. That is the post.

If someone ever asks "do you use Twitter?" The only response is "no, that is a child porn website." Period. I will not hear your lame ass excuse to support pedophile billionaire Elon Musk, and his nazified social media pedophile/CP site. You're only on Twitter for the child porn at this point.

She can't not touch me #catsky #caturday

"In my previous life, 35% of me was a cereal box" - my wife, unprompted

Fellas, Is it cheating if you initiate resonance with someone other than your wife/husband? #heartopia

Septum Ring Theory states that conservative men dislike the women with septum piercings because it would mean they are at least 18 years old.

Looking for new positions at my job like:

I'm doing a deep dive into all the evidence and witness testimony against Clinton and you wanna know something crazy about this pony show? Nobody is saying Clinton seemed aware of what Epstein was doing. He cheated on Hillary with women, not children. Can we let Trump take the stand?

😂😂😂

If this is true, fuck Bonnie Blue.

Help my friend. She's literally the best 💚

All you mtg mono blue scrubs need to go look up the word "island" in the epstein files. 🌳 this message brought to you by mono green gang 🌳

Microplastics? Maybe when *YOU* wear condoms

I am not a terrible friend. I'm a terrible person. Being a terrible friend is a side effect.

Fuck local florists who cancel your order and don't notify you until valentine's day.

My coworkers asking me to rewind as I catch up on the halftime show edits

People act like you can't read if you skip some dialogue. I skipped zero dialogue playing through Death Stranding. I wish I'd skipped 100%. Music and scenery was fuego, but not enough to keep me in it... Weirdest Doordash-headass game I've ever experienced.

Ithink everyone should maybe consider watching one of my newer favorite movies: BULLET TRAIN It's a retelling of Thomas the Tank Engine (very loose)

Kid Rock's WHITES ONLY halftime show will attract DOZENS

The term midwife implies the existence.... wait. A wife can't be mid.

Happy

In light of the "president" removing a racist video from his truth social account, I will stop calling him a racist child rapist. He is now just a child rapist.

"PIKA!"

1. If she is on her period right now, she will be ovulating on Valentine's day. 2. Plan B is <$5 at Costco.

Damn we got groomers on bluesky before GTA6 smh my head

"Fine, I'll try out this Pokemon TCG everyone has been posting about..." Me:

Why she do that #catsky

Can someone make a "RIP compilation" but it's just all the creepy dudes on here that get caught grooming/ being generally slimy creeps? I'll make it, but I need more than 3 people or the video will suck...

Fun question to ask your partner: which one of my insecurities is most justified?

My wife really hates when I refer to her as my girlfriend

My gf, having a stronk: "take a tooth shower"

Do you guys like scotch or nasty alcohol?

Tag yourself:

Tag yourself: 🥴

This ICE violence just confirms that Donald Trump definitely fucked kids

How dare Tom Felton be a man

Campbell's could drop an ad about the throwability of their soups and they would win 2026

You just know ICE members are going to get caught and killed on camera and people are gonna have the audacity to say "at least let them face a jury!" Bitch, no. We're doing the revolution. Pick the correct side or get ate.

Please love Stevie and ignore my box of unfinished Warhammer miniatures

Unironically guess what side of the political fence Barnes and Noble is on